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female
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I am a 35 year old woman in a 12 year old relationship, 10 years of which I have been married. My marriage has been a happy one and I consider my husband to be my best friend. However, there is a problem.3 months ago I met a woman in an internet chat room. I am bisexual and have had a couple of relationships with women in the past. My attraction for this woman grows stronger by the day and we have admitted our love for each other. Our relationship has progressed to phone calls now and we are planning a meeting before too long. My husband knows about this relationship and, understandably, feels isolated and upset. It has affected a great deal of things about our marriage and I find myself starting to question if it will last. On the one hand I want to protect his feelings, but on the other I want to explore what may be possible with my online lover. I know this sounds incredibly selfish, and I sometimes wish I could turn off my feelings for her...but the fact of the matter is, I have fallen in love and the desire to meet her is overwhelming.What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (22 October 2005):
Yes you are incredably selfish, you are hurting your husband to whom you say you love. If you want to explore your sexuality then you should not be in a marrage or relationship because it is not fair on your husband-have you considered how you would feel if your husband was planning to have an affair and was telling you all the gory details? I sympathise with your husband and isn't there any wonder he feels left out? He should not have been placed in the situation in the first place.
A
female
reader, Happygoddess +, writes (17 October 2005):
You are not in love, you are in lust. Be realistic, turn yourself back to your husband and your life with him, because you can't find hapiness stepping on the feelings of other people and making them miserable.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 October 2005):
 Yes you are a selfish person. You also are immoral. You need to get divorced so you can pursue your "bisexually" wihout any victims. I pity your poor husband. Some woman is going to find a goldmine once you cut him loose.
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A
female
reader, lillaum  +, writes (17 October 2005):
 Hi there!
Firstly bisexual or not most people would consider this cheating. If you were totally happy in your marrige surely you would not be looking for anyone else male/female. However you have been honest with your husband and have fallen for this women. The first question you should ask yourself is would you have thought about leaving your husband if you had not got intouch with the women? if you are truely un happy in your marrige why stay around? if you leave, both you and your husband get a second chance at happiness. if however you wouldn't have been thinking about this if you hadn't met this women, perhaps all you really need to do is spice up your marrige. what ever the answer is dont leave your husband to be with this women, if it does go wrong you will only end up resenting her. If you do chose to leave your husband, have a break from romance and get to know your self again before jumping in to another relationship. If she loves you too she will understand and will wait for you.
Good Luck
Lillaum
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2005): You need to make a choice. Your online lover or your husband. You are being extremely selfish. If I was him I would drop you fast!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): You are married and you are planning to cheat on your husband..infact talking with this women online with intention of things being taken further is a form of cheating you really need to sort out what you want you cant keep both its not the way things work..your husband and your marriage or an online lover youve never met????
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