I caught my wife in the bathtub with my brother! What do I do now?
Q. Dear friends, I am hoping to find a way on how to handle a situation. Me and wife (23) are married for 3 years now and for the last 2 years my youngest brother stays with us for study. He and my wife are close in their age. He is just 19 months l...
A. 18 August 2012: "He even brushed on her breasts as if those were accidents. She mentioned that it was for some times now this goes on and I need to speak to him. ...
My suggestion was not to mock at him and I told her to handle it herself with care. All he want ... (read in full...)
Am I superficial for caring so much about a guy's appearance?
Q. Hi please don't take me as a negative superficial person,and don't judge,just help me through this.. I have been into fashion,beauty all that since as long as I can remember..so when I see a man not dressed up well for me its a HUGE turn off!!I l...
A. 18 August 2012: Here's the problem: Dressing nice all the time is costly in terms of time and money. Unless the guy has some incentive to do so, at some point, it's likely he's going to stop or going to not invest as much time and effort into it.
So, if you'r... (read in full...)
Starving for more in our sex life!
Q. My husband and I got married this last october. I love him more than anything but I knew from the begining that we weren't sexually compatable. This is a problem we've been dealing with for over a year. We've talked many times about what we can do ...
A. 29 February 2012: "I love him more than anything but I knew from the begining that we weren't sexually compatable." Here's the funny thing... If you are sexually compatible with someone, you can actually make almost any other problem go away. Why? Because ... (read in full...)
Am I suffering from male jealousy, or friendship jealousy, or am I right in not wanting this relationship to continue?
Q. My wife has this gay male friend. He and her were friends before we even started dating. I kind of have no problem with this, but he is a little over the top. Like dancing around in our house wearing nothing but short-shorts and being a typical ...
A. 29 February 2012: First, the nice thing about flamers is THEY DON'T STEAL YOUR WOMEN! That said, the reason many of the gay-male/straight-female friendships work so well is they aren't trying to get into each others' pants and can be a lot more honest with some... (read in full...)
How do I meet someone new and not compare them to my ex?
Q. Hi all, in need of some help as I'm at a total loss right now. I've not long come out of a long term relationship with a married man and my self esteem is at an all time low.he left her for me but then carried on seeing us both behind the other on...
A. 12 February 2012: See, we learn as we go along on relationships, other life skills, and such. This means we end up basing a lot of our judgement on such things as partner choice and how to solve major dilemmas like how to handle who at the last pastry in the frid... (read in full...)
I'm 33 and never want to speak to my mother again
Q. I'm having serious issues with my mother. I am 33 yrs old and can honestly say I hate my own mother. It all started when I started college at 20 yrs old. We use to clash a lot and she wld just take things to another level. She wld call me ...
A. 11 February 2012: My bet is mom never went to college, or at least never went away to college... I also bet she resents your success IN SPITE OF not following the rules and expectations she lives by (i.e. religion, limitations on relationships, etc.)... Whic... (read in full...)
I feel like he has this whole other life that he won't let me into, because of his ex
Q. Hiya Hope you all can offer me some advice. I have been with my bloke for 7 months now. He has kids which I haven't met yet as I thought it was only fair to them that myself and paul were stable 1st. However, the kids and I speak on the phon...
A. 11 February 2012: For a man who is still engaged with his children, the custodial parent--usually the mother--has a lot of control. Even if there are legal protections, there's enough wiggle room for a mother to manipulate the situation to her own liking many times ... (read in full...)
Instead of being concerned when I was stuck on the road with a flat tire, my B/f messaged "lmao" and asked if I could hang out on Friday night! I'm so mad at him!!
Q. Dear cupid, me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years and we just got back together after a breakup. He promised me he would change anyway, yesterday i was on the freeway and got a flat tire and was stranded. When it happened my boyfriend ...
A. 11 February 2012: "He promised me he would change anyway..." Unless it's due to age, infirmity (loss of ability), trauma, a brain injury, psychoactive drugs, illicit drug use (or cessation), puberty, or just plain old punishment/operant conditioning, th... (read in full...)
Virgin question: So should I be the one to expect more out of a woman who is experienced?
Q. Its becoming more and more apparent everyday that im going to be the only one where I live who is still a virgin. Day by day the chances for me to find a woman who has the same values as me is dwindling. It would be a real bonus I found someone who ...
A. 11 February 2012: Dude! Two virgins going at it--or a virgin male and an uncommunicative non-virgin woman--is like a recipe for rashes, burns, bleeding, pain, and perpetual angst. "[S]omeone who hasn't yet explored that aspect of life so that we together can ... (read in full...)
Should I question my girlfriend about her past relationships prior to proposing?
Q. I am thinking I want to get engaged to my girlfriend. We have been living together for some years now and it just feels like it's time to make it official. I don't know very much about her romantic past. I know she had a boyfriend who che...
A. 11 February 2012: I'm of two minds on this... One, because you're there now, implies what's in the past doesn't matter... Two, because you're there now, what happened in the past is why you're there in the first place. Relationships are something we tend ... (read in full...)
Is it crazy if I ask my ex to "clean" my facebook account? I want to move on!
Q. Dear cupid, I broke up with my boyfriend and was wondering if I can ask him to clean my facebook account; I mean he's literally commented on all my photos and liked them, liked all my profile pics, etc. Would this request be considered bonkers ...
A. 11 February 2012: Basically, you're trying to hide the fact you had a relationship--any relationship--from future partners and yourself? That's one of the reasons a common question on here starts with "I'm dating this girl and just found out she also dated...". ... (read in full...)
Why does she involve her friends in making decisions for her?
Q. Ok i have loved this girl for over a year or so she goes to my college and everything but i have lost trust in her over these months. We share fb passwords and i realised that she has often told her friends somethings i would of liked to be betw...
A. 11 February 2012: First of all, many women/girls/female Homo sapiens feel the need for validation by friends, family, etc. It's because they often rely on these networks to make up for areas they might otherwise lack. Things like resources/money, authority, infl... (read in full...)
25 years together. What does this cheating ex want from me?
Q. Four years ago I caught my husband of 18 years cheating with a online woman, I took him back, but never got over the pain and the betrayal. I thought we were destined to be together forever, because of the way he treated me like a princess...
A. 11 February 2012: Honestly? After a long marriage--10, 18, 25 years--there's a lot about the other person that--even if not comfortable--is predictable and feels normal. That may be a factor in him wanting to continue to associate with you, even when (if?) he's ... (read in full...)
He's sexually experienced while I'm still a virgin by choice. Can we work out a compromise for our relationship?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for several months now, and we have come to really care about each other a great deal. We are almost inseparable. We have spent weeks at a time together, and still missed each other when parting ways. There has only...
A. 11 February 2012: "He is sexually experienced - and I am still a virgin by choice. Apart from spiritual reasons, I really do not feel ready, either for the act itself, nor for dealing with the consequences of potential scares that I really cannot afford to have, or ... (read in full...)
Is this dating? every time we meet we end up in bed together
Q. I have been dating this guy who is 16 years older than me. I say dating loosely, it seems like every time we meet we end up in bed together. He is a nice guy in general, but as time goes on I feel like he likes to spend more time with his fami...
A. 11 February 2012: If you want to be integrated into his family and friends "network" and take the relationship to the next level, then suggest that sort of activity. If he bites and you're both happy, roll with that.
If he doesn't bite and/or you have no desire t... (read in full...)
Retrospective jealousy!
Q. I've been dating a woman seriously for close to a year. I recently found out she had slept with a few guys I know (I wouldn't say they're my close friends, but we run in the same circles.) When I asked if she had been with them, she responded by...
A. 11 February 2012: The thing I find funny is that you're concerned with "dating 'that girl.'" as in how the other men will think of you versus your overall quality of relationship with her.
You don't seem jealous that you might lose her to them, you're simply t... (read in full...)
Is it possible for an interracial relationship to be successful?
Q. Could it be possible for a black girl and a white guy to have a succesful relationship? Or is the cultural differences too much? I'm an African American girl and i've being thinking of going out with this guy i'm in college with but i've asked a ...
A. 11 February 2012: Want some irony? If you look at divorce statistics by race, almost every combination of interracial marriage AND African-American/African-American marriages have a much higher divorce rate than white American/white American marriages... ... (read in full...)
After 10 years he left me to marry a girl his parents approved of! How do I get over this?
Q. Dear friends, My boyfriend left me after 10 years of love. He is my neighbour and has got married with a girl of his family's choice (the reason for our breakup). Now, he is very happy with her. But it is very difficult for me to see them togethe...
A. 9 February 2012: The hard part about your situation is we--as humans--assume we will get something from our efforts toward helping other people. When someone "cheats" on that ideal, it's very hard on us. Doubly so when the person is someone we've romantically inve... (read in full...)
I'm a guy and I hate sex with my fiance
Q. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I hate having sex with her, and the thought of it now sadly, turns me off anymore. Whenever I try to get her in the mood, I am always shot down. And I mean always. So I stop wanting it, and then my fiance c...
A. 9 February 2012: Dude, the porn--unless that's the only thing you DESIRE--isn't the problem. The problem is a mismatch between your sexual desire(s)/timing and her sexual desire(s)/timing. Like others have said, try communicating and/or counseling (whic... (read in full...)
I told him I'm a virgin, but I've done things with guys...it turned him off
Q. So.. I've been dating this guy for a week. Im a virgin. He's not. He asked about my past, I had done some things and it totally turned him off. But, I was completely honest with him because I didn't want to lie to him. What do I do?...
A. 9 February 2012: Guys who chase virgins do it for one (or more) of a couple of reasons: 1) They are told they are supposed to. (Naive religious views) 2) They want to "train you right" sexually. (Sort of like a "teacher" of sex.) 3) They are also a vir... (read in full...)
Why does he retain his 'memory box'? And I don't like the fact that he moved. Is there a solution?
Q. Me and my boyfriend of one yr, are perfect, but as usual there are some down falls; first, he has a ' memory box' and he's very protective of it I should say, he told me about it, and asked me not to look thru it, and of course by him asking me not ...
A. 9 February 2012: Romantic life and life in general has a long, hard learning curve where you have to accumulate experience to succeed. What's in a "memory box" is usually something that's a reminder of those experiences that got them from clueless to who they are ... (read in full...)
I'm going to meet my girlfriend's parents but I cant tell them that I met my G/f online! What do I say?
Q. Hi, basically I have been with my gf for 2 years, and I'm ready to meet her parents. However the main thing is to explain how we met. It's complicated, becuz we met online and that's not cool for her parents, so I need an idea on how we met. She ...
A. 9 February 2012: You can "paint it" differently. Say you met online through some group activity or social thing, and then met in real life at some social thing and hit it off.
If you leave "dating site" out of it, it's probably a lot more "acceptable" that way... (read in full...)
I can't give up on either my partner or my mother. How can I deal with this?
Q. During the process of thinking about my own relationship it has made me think about the other close relationships I have. I would be grateful to have some help with this. My partner and I have had promblems with communication and trust and ma...
A. 9 February 2012: Wow. Just wow. First, I think your mother needs a long vacation. Preferably to France. It may not actually help, but the chance she finds a way to stay there... Second, you are your mother's codependent. Mostly, this is because she's alie... (read in full...)
How do I tell the truth? I lied about my name and my religion online
Q. Hi I really need help. I have been talking to a girl I met online and we are good friends. We have been talking for about 3 months and I lied about who I am. I told her a fake name and religion and now I feel so guilty I want to tell her the truth ...
A. 8 February 2012: Religion IS a key, critical, important piece of identity for many people. It tells someone how they should treat that other person and what they should/can expect from them. Essentially, if religion is important to this person, you've basically... (read in full...)
He's eager to get me pregnant, but not walk me down the aisle?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We're both divorced. I'm in my early 30's and he's in his early 40's. At the top of our relationship, I thought we were both on the same page of finding someone again to commit to and get ...
A. 8 February 2012: Oh, and one additional thing... If you don't elect to stay in the relationship and "wanting to get married" is a priority trait for future partners, consider looking in the following places: 1) Religious groups. Churches, synagogues, e... (read in full...)
He's eager to get me pregnant, but not walk me down the aisle?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We're both divorced. I'm in my early 30's and he's in his early 40's. At the top of our relationship, I thought we were both on the same page of finding someone again to commit to and get ...
A. 8 February 2012: "To me, it's about being so in love with him, that I want to announce how I feel about him to the world. It's about the excitement and enthusiasm that I met someone that I'm truly happy with...that I want to love and respect until the end." Anno... (read in full...)
I suggested he date the other girl, but now I'm crushed
Q. I've liked this guy the whole school year. He's not a typical jerk, and he's a real genuine person. I got him out of a lot of bad habits, and he made me a happier person. We haven't dated because 1) I'm barely allowed (real restricted) 2) I have no ...
A. 8 February 2012: "After a long time of him talking, I told him to go with her because she can give him more than I can because she can date him easier than I. He went with that really easily."
You gave him permission...
Most guys are holdouts for the girl the... (read in full...)
Our eight year relationship just broke up. Lost and sad. What can I do? .how do I get rid of hope?
Q. Hi everyone ive been asking many questions about my 8 year relationship ending just recently. we were 14 when we met and broke up at 22. I realy love her so so much and want to be with her because she is an amazing person, almost like we dese...
A. 8 February 2012: Guess what?
The problem with having only one partner is a lack of ability to gauge the value of a partner. Especially for women who are young.
It's like the old adage "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." If you'... (read in full...)
I have yet to be in a relationship and am not sure why and I'm running out of options!
Q. I'll start off by saying that I'm a 23 year-old male currently in college and fixing to graduate in May. My undergraduate degree is in very high demand and, barring something unforeseen, I should have a pretty well-paying job when I receive my ...
A. 8 February 2012: Honestly?
The fact they approach you gives some hope. If nothing else, you don't look like a hunchback, don't have bad personal hygiene, and don't have the aura of a serial killer.
So, what happens after that point is where you need to look... (read in full...)
He's eager to get me pregnant, but not walk me down the aisle?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We're both divorced. I'm in my early 30's and he's in his early 40's. At the top of our relationship, I thought we were both on the same page of finding someone again to commit to and get ...
A. 8 February 2012: Honestly?
You wanna' know what marriage really is?
It's an invitation for everyone else to push and prod you on your behavior in your romantic relationship. Oh, and an added legal liability, just in case your relationship doesn't work.
... (read in full...)
Affair with husband's brother, and husband is okay with it.
Q. My brother-in-law (husband's brother) and I have started to engage in an affair. It started about a month ago. Initially after we first had sex, he was feeling so guilty that he said he never wanted it to happen again. I also felt guilty for what ...
A. 8 February 2012: In Tibet, Nepal, and recent history in parts of southern India, you'd be totally normal. This is called "fraternal polyandry" and is socially accepted and practically expected in some areas because of the way inheritance is handled and the fact... (read in full...)
We've been dating for 5 years and never had sex so now he's leaving me
Q. please help.Ihave been with my boyfriend for five years and we have never had sex.resently he stopped calling and texting me and i when i asked him,he said if he doesn't get it from me,where do i expect him to get it from? however when i told him ...
A. 8 February 2012: Here's the problem... Males--unless they are highly socialized not to (usually by religion) or are asexual themselves or gay and not okay with being gay--tend to associate "dating" or "romance" with physical sex acts. The assumption being... (read in full...)
A guy online sends me raunchy messages. Should I stop talking to him?
Q. Ok so i met this guy in a Chatroom and he seems really nice but he's 21 and I'm 16 he texts me kind of raunchy stuff like where he wants to have sex with me but I told him I'm a virgin and he lives in NY and Im in Ohio he says he wants to hook up ...
A. 8 February 2012: @ "YouWish": "You are jailbait in the U.S. The age of consent is 18, and if this 21 year old were to have sex with you, a 16 year old, it would be statutory rape."
Actually, not in all states. Age of Consent in Ohio is actually 16 and New York... (read in full...)
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