A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy who is 16 years older than me. I say dating loosely, it seems like every time we meet we end up in bed together. He is a nice guy in general, but as time goes on I feel like he likes to spend more time with his family and friends more than he likes to spend time with me. I feel like second best. I'm in my late thirties and my question to you guys is that would you settle for this type of "companionship" or be alone. I fear that if I cut him out of my life I truly will have no one and die alone. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 February 2012):
 IF you are with a man that reinforces negative feelings, and you choose not to leave him, you may want to consider getting some therapy to determine why you think you are not worthy of better treatment.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): your question is basically whether you should settle for this or risk never having anything even close to this.
the truth is, you can't predict the future so to say that if you leave him you will end up alone for the rest of your life, has no logical basis.
however what is certain is that as long as you're still with him, you are cutting yourself off from any chance of finding a better partner (unless you go outside the bounds of ethical behavior and look for a new relationship while still technically with someone else).
You managed to "get" him, so what makes you think that if you leave him you won't manage to get someone new?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): You're lovable and too bad for him that he just wants to use you. It's better to be alone than to be in this situation and hopefully something much better will come along soon, even dying alone is better than being someone's fuckbuddy who won't even include you in his life at all.. Maybe do some soul searching about why you don't feel lovable. My advice is to clearly define for someone what you want in a relationship from the start- if you see he is not going to include you in his life then don't get sexual with him. Date different men at the same time if necessary- no sex- until you find someone who wants what you want.
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A
male
reader, Deathbunny +, writes (11 February 2012):
If you want to be integrated into his family and friends "network" and take the relationship to the next level, then suggest that sort of activity. If he bites and you're both happy, roll with that.
If he doesn't bite and/or you have no desire to get involved with his family and friends, it's probably time to back off and move on without him.
If your expectations of the relationship are something different than they are now and you two aren't either working towards that or at least making a serious effort to move towards some mutually desired pathway, it's time to reassess and--if it's not happening--move on.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Amanda-Louise93  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 It's not companionship it's sex. You're easy sex. If you want more stop having sex with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): Thank you for your answers. I've told him how I felt and he said he'll try to change, but of course he never did. I just feel so down on myself because I do know that I let him treat me this way. I just feel like I'm just not loveable from previous experiences also and now this guy is again reinforcing that thought.
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A
female
reader, suey +, writes (11 February 2012):
Having been in a similar situation in the past I feel for you. The difference with me was I was the older one he was 14 years younger, how lucky was I, great sex with a younger man woo, hoo, but he like your guy was using me and I allowed it to happen. I kept thinking things between us would move on a little but they never did, after 7 years, yes 7 years, I finally saw the light and got him out of my life. Since then I have had more meaningful relationships. You are only young ditch the guy and find someone better someone who appreciates you. Good luck I hope you can be strong
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): How sad that you settle for the crumbs from this man's table. He is using you for sex and you are letting him. Make a life of your own that is full filled with or without a man. And by the way, you are still young although you don't seem to think so. Try and expect more out of life. If this man is not prepared to include you in his social life, dump him.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (11 February 2012):
 First of all, you are in your late thirties. Last time I checked, you are in the prime of your life. There is no way in hell that you should feel like you have to settle for second best. I'm the same age as you, and I feel great!
The situation you find yourself in is really self-induced. If you let him treat you a certain way, he will continue to treat that certain way. Let him know what you want in and out of the relationship. If he doesn't give you what you need, let him go. I can assure you that true love is out there.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 February 2012):
Sounds like you are FWB.... friends with benefits... not really a part of his life.
you need to ask him what he feels and where he thinks you are going if you are not happy...
If you are happy then that's fine but I sense it's not enough and you want more.
in that case kick him out and live a life.... the right fellow will come along when you least expect it as long as you leave doors open for them to walk through.. (meaning don't isolate yourself but don't be actively searching for "the one"
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