A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My brother-in-law (husband's brother) and I have started to engage in an affair. It started about a month ago. Initially after we first had sex, he was feeling so guilty that he said he never wanted it to happen again. I also felt guilty for what I had done. I decided to tell my husband what had happened. His brother was separated at the time, but has since received divorce papers from his wife (ironically dated on the day the affair first occurred). His marriage had been bad for a while. I guess I felt sympathy and wanted to comfort him, and also felt attracted to him sexually. I had been attracted to him for about a year previously, and he to me for some time. It just happened. Now my husband has agreed to the continuation of the affair. He cares about his brother and understands that I care for him as well. He has no intention of leaving me and he does love me. When I step back and really reflect, I realize that this situation is unconventional at least, immoral and indecent at worst. I just want to feel that I am not sabotaging his brother's life and ability to find another woman at some point. My husband has expressed this as his one concern as well and states, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" I honestly would love to just take him and care for him and treat him well as a second husband! I just feel I have enough love for everyone involved. It should be noted his brother lives almost six hours away, so it is difficult to see him frequently. I worry that he is lonely...but then again I think he was alone for a long time before his separation. He is contemplating moving closer to us...this whole situation is tearing me apart. I just want everyone to feel happy and fulfilled.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 February 2012):
 In the bible you would marry the brother if your husband died... this is just putting the cart before the horse so to speak.
IF you, your hubby and your BIL are ok with it, move him into your home, have a polyandrous marriage and have two husbands... HughJ is right!
A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (8 February 2012):
 Mostly negative comments, OP, which is a shame. If you want a wider view, Google "Polyamory" and you will find lots of advice and the re-assurance that what you are doing is not that unusual.
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A
male
reader, Deathbunny +, writes (8 February 2012):
In Tibet, Nepal, and recent history in parts of southern India, you'd be totally normal. This is called "fraternal polyandry" and is socially accepted and practically expected in some areas because of the way inheritance is handled and the fact often brothers end up benefiting that way.Of course, your situation is different because you live in the US and the expectation is for nuclear families and at least a nodding ideal towards monogamy.Which explains most of the other answers regarding "how can you not just pick one".That said, you're all grown adults and, if you are communicating openly about this, and looking out for each other, what happens between the two (or three) of you is between the two (or three) of you. Understand that you will get social censure for sharing this Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (8 February 2012):
 This story is strange... but all types of strange things happen in the bedroom and between humans. Your husband thinks it's fine, his brother thinks it's fine, you must like it or else you wouldn't be doing it. Consensual sex and everybody is happy and in agreement... really can't see any problem really on a moral level.
On a practical level I can see problems coming up.. what if the brother wants to keep you only for himself? What if anyone else in the family finds out? What if you get pregnant? What if you husband changes his mind, tells everyone then sues for divorce and states that your totally immoral. You don't say if you have children, but he could get the judge to ban your access to them because of your actions. What if you fall in love with the brother but he falls in love with someone else. What if your husband wants to have an affair because you are having one.
So many problems.... I would also find it a bit sickening that my husband cares so little about me, or is so kinky that he doesn't care if I sleep with his relative. It's too close for comfort that at some level it feels incestuous, as if he is the one who really wants to have sex with his brother.
Your a grown woman, no one forced you into his bed, no one is forcing you to stay there. If you feel upset about it, then stop having sex with the brother. If you got a lot of love to share, then how about some voluntary work, extra sex with your husband, masturbation or porn, or even an affair with someone who isn't going to cause such problems.
Again, I'm trying not to judge.. but I don't think I've heard anything like this before... and I keep wondering what is going on inside your husbands head and what type of marriage you two call this. I'm also wondering if your brother in law doesn't feel a bit sick himself...
Sigh... I'm wrong.. ancient cultures do have a practise of women marrying brothers... but it's usually to do with lack of money and very few men around. It's done to protect women and children from dying of starvation or being abused by strangers.
You don't like it, then stop it.. but please talk seriously with your husband and find what is in his head.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 February 2012):
 You know, I feel bad for you for having such a husband. What you did was wrong. Horribly wrong. However, I'm appalled at your husband's reaction to this entire mess!! How can a man ALLOW his wife to screw his own brother!! I mean come ON!! The natural reaction would be to hand you divorce papers ask you to leave and go pursue your life as you want. I'm amazed at the way he's given his blessings for this affair and come up with that bull manure about cows and milk and all that nonsense.
Here's what it is.
Your marriage is a farce.
You mean NOTHING to your husband. Nothing.At.All
Your husband could bring a stranger home tomorrow and have sex with her and you will have nothing to say about it because you are no better.
If there are children involved, their lives are pretty much ruined.
You are stopping your brother-in-law from finding another woman. Or even worse, if he does find someone, you could find yourself in a potential threesome or an orgy, if your husband decides to join in.
OP you cannot make everyone happy, it is stupid and foolish to even think you can. You wanted to show him sympathy and so you had sex with him! There are a billion people on this planet in need of sympathy, what would you do with them? Showing sympathy is sending a gift or a card. You have had sex because you WANTED to. You are playing the sympathy card to tell yourself that that is why you did it.
You have opened a can of worms and I hope you realize that your marriage is over. Pack your bags, get away from this bizarre situation which will only get worse.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Yea, good luck with that mess.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Umm...
You should be pretty terrified by now, unless you're intending to leave your husband for your brother all along.
Here's why I say this:
Your husband wouldn't dream of letting you have an affair with his brother. Affairs like this under normal circumstances are like nuclear bombs to both a marriage and a family. Stuff like this destroys brothers and marriages.
For him to actually let you continue having sex with his own brother can mean only one thing -- that he's done something in his mind that is as bad or worse.
This could mean that you left something out of your story -- that he's cheated on you in the past and you knew about it. Or, he's cheated on you or IS cheating on you and you don't know about it. OR -- he's planning on cheating on you and you just gave him ultimate justification.
OR -- he's done something worse than cheating on you. There aren't many things worse than cheating on you unless he's hiding a criminal double life or a sex pervert or he's committed some really outrageous financial infidelities you don't know about.
Either way, his condoning this should scare the living hell out of you. As for you -- what are you doing?!? Showing sympathy for a brother in law is to send a gift, or inviting him over with both you AND your husband or all three of you going out for a couple of beers. Having sex?! Are you out of your mind? He's separated from his wife for a reason, and I'm guessing that given that he's completely betrayed his own brother by sleeping with his brother's wife, it's not hard to see why his soon-to-be-ex wants to be as far away from him as possible.
Your marriage is about to be over. I hope you get ready for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Well, I think that if you are all happy with it, what's the problem?
For goodness' sake, there are whole COUNTRIES based around the idea of men having as many wives as they want ... I have long wondered why WOMEN can't have as many HUSBANDS as they like?
I would really like at least three. Then when one was being difficult, I could just think 'well, stuff you' and go to one of the others.
Life is too short. Live it how you like, so long as nobody is being hurt. Your husband sounds totally ok with this, strange as it is. So just live your lives. But probably don't tell anyone, because they'll think you very odd and you'll all be ostracised. So just pretend nothing is going on. And get on with it.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 February 2012):
 I'm sorry but this is extremely odd...
Why would someone want to share their WIFE with their Brother? I can't quite get my head around it. No matter how sorry he feels, he's willing to let you have an affair? I haven't quite heard anything like this in my life.
Why do you need to have sex with him though? Why can't you just be there for him when he needs someone to talk to? That's incredibly disrespectful to your husband, even if he is allowing it, you're 'cheating' on him with his own flesh and blood.
I'm a little unsure how you can't see yourself that this is an extremely bizzare situation and are contemplating letting it continue...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): I knew somebody that eventually left her husband for his brother, she had a child with each so I guess they were cousins and half-brothers.The brothers whole family were devastated and torn apart when it all came out
Its a bad situation and you should end the affair now. I would say neither man is showing any respect for you. You are being used by 2 brothers no matter how you dress it up. I hope there are no children.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Why would you do that to your husband he loves that and does not want to loose you that's why his okay with it just think about how he feels inside. Do you want your marriage to end just like "IAmHereToHelpYou" said it will all blow up in your face what your doing is very very wrong imagine how you would feel if your husband was doing the same with another woman, It would destroy you. Sex does not show that you care it just lust. Sex with your husband is not just lust its also love. Just think about it. this is very wrong please dont do it its so wrong it will one day ruin your marriage and u will end up alone and with regrets. If i had a husband like ur i would be over the moon that he loves me enough to allow me to do something his not okay with. Trust me ur lucky to have ur husband dont take it for granted. what happens if u become pregnant what will ur husband think. I think u should forget about your brother in law and concentrate on ur husband let ur brother in law sort his on problem out
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Do you have children for whom you are supposed to be a role model?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): hmmm...something tells me this isn't a good idea precisely because it's unconventional. you may be wiling to be unconventional but you dont' live in a vacuum. your bro-in-law at some point will want to find a real gf and there won't be many women who will accept him if he's doing this with you and he has that in his history. also how will you feel once he finds a new gf, won't you feel jealous that your arrangement will have to end because of a new woman?
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