A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife has this gay male friend. He and her were friends before we even started dating. I kind of have no problem with this, but he is a little over the top. Like dancing around in our house wearing nothing but short-shorts and being a typical 'flammer'. I have nothing against gays, but he is so stereotypical that it's actually kind of funny.Problem is, we always hang out with friends, mostly at our house, since we're the only ones who own a house, everyone else live with parents, or in small apartments. Sometimes people spend the night crashing at our place, and actually I insist. I don't want anyone driving home after too much to drink.Well, last weekend her friend (I don't want to put his name here) was staying over, and my wife said no one else is here, just sleep in our bed, it will be like a big fun sleep-over. Now we do have a king sized bed, but I had a little too much to drink, thought this was a littl weird, but I figured my wife and I weren't doing anything anyway, so what the hell. Well, her 'friend' took off his clothes (not his underwear, and slept (not sexually) with us.The next day, after he went home, I told my wife I was very uncomfortable with 'him' sleeping with us, and her seeing him in just his underwear. She just kindof jokingly said, what's the big deal, I've seen him naked a whole bunch of times. And we've slept together before we met (again not sexually).Am I wrong for being very upset over this. I don't mind my wife having a male friend (especially since he's gay), but I think her seeing him naked before and still being a close friend with him is very wrong. Not to mention I'm a little bit jealeous of him. He is very good looking, has a great body, and from what I saw in his underwear, would put me to shame. Am I just suffering from male jealeousy, or friendship jealeousy, or am I right to not want this friendship to continue?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 March 2012):
 ummm having him as a friend is one thing
having him sleep over is one thing
having him sleep over in your marital bed is creepy even to me... and i'm over the top in being open sexually.
No i don't think you have anything to worry about in terms of him stealing her from you but you do have a right to the privacy of your own marital bed.
tell her next time he sleeps over he has to sleep in his own room. that's what GUEST ROOMS are for.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2012): No need to be jealous,first because you can't change your wife's past, she's seen him naked in the past but now she's with you, that should count as something, right? Ask her how she'd feel if you had a lesbian friend who was prettier than her walking just in her underwear and sleeping with you, tell her you can't help being a little jealous. Honestly as a gal I can tell that to me a gay friend is like another girl, and apparently it's ok for your wife to sleep in the same bed with him, as girls sleeping over do, but your wife needs to understand now that she's married and that her bed is no longer only hers, it's yours and if that makes you uncomfortable, tell HER that you don't like her friend sharing the same bed with you and her. IMHO you should talk to your wife and tell her about how you feel, and I know that sometimes jealousy is irrational after all she's known him long before, if she had that kind of romantic interest on him, she would've acted on it a long time ago don't you think?Next time he crashes at your place when he strips offer him some pj's if even so he doesn't get the hint, say straightaway, that you don't feel comfortable having him walking almost naked in your house. Your roof, your rules.
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A
male
reader, Deathbunny +, writes (29 February 2012):
First, the nice thing about flamers is THEY DON'T STEAL YOUR WOMEN! That said, the reason many of the gay-male/straight-female friendships work so well is they aren't trying to get into each others' pants and can be a lot more honest with some sensitive issues... Which means--for you--trying to break that friendship up may end up doing more damage to your own relationship in the long run.So, do yourself a favor, and don't try to.Besides, your problem is actually with understanding how she sees her friend. You need to get it through your skull that--if she's comfortable sleeping with the guy in his underwear AND she knows nothing sexual is going to happen with the guy--he's not a sexual competitor to you. Really.Women don't do that--sleep with an attractive guy in his underwear--if there's a question in their mind what's going to happen.So, Don Quixote, leave the windmill alone, make friends yourself, and you might just keep your girlfriend...
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (29 February 2012):
 I find it very odd that your wife wanted to have a "sleepover" with all three of you in the bed. That's strange. However, I don't think she has any attraction towards him. If she did, she certainly would not have made such a suggestion. I have a couple of gay friends, and no matter how good-looking they are, I have never been attracted to a gay man (maybe Ricky Martin, but that's it. haha) Anyway, women don't view gay men the same way they view heterosexual men, especially the "flaming" ones. We view them like they're our girl-friends; gossip, shop, trade sexual advice, etc. I don't think you have any reason to feel threatened by the friendship, but I also don't think there is any reason for this man (gay or not) to be sleeping in your bed. Put your foot down when it comes to that, but as far as the friendship goes, I think it's probably harmless.
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