A
female
age
30-35,
*galO3
writes:Me and my boyfriend of one yr, are perfect, but as usual there are some down falls; first, he has a ' memory box' and he's very protective of it I should say, he told me about it, and asked me not to look thru it, and of course by him asking me not to look thru it, I'm going to want to know what's in it, right? So one night I did, I looked thru it; I found notes and pictures of his and from his previous exs; I was upset/ still am, that after a year, he's kept this ' memory box', why? It blows my mind. I know every single one of those exs have done him wrong and has hurt him, badly. He's a very sensitive male, sweetheart, very caring and I know he wont do wrong. Just why does one hang on to such things?2nd; him, his sister and her boyfriend are moving out, and mind you, I live with him now at his parents, have been for a yr now, anyways, I'm starting school soon and moving back home is a shorter distance to school than from were he's moving, were both pretty upset that we wont be seeing eachother that much, moreless comming home to eachother anymore. I personally resent his sister for asking him to move, he doesn't exactly have the money or the car to run back and forth, one car, three people, LOL anyways, I am jealous of this move, its upsetting, I'm nog understanding why he's putting himself in this situation; I can already tell that this move wont work out for too long. Can someone please tell me if I'm in the wrong? and yes ik looking thru his box was wrong and I feel horrible about it.
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male
reader, Deathbunny +, writes (9 February 2012):
Romantic life and life in general has a long, hard learning curve where you have to accumulate experience to succeed. What's in a "memory box" is usually something that's a reminder of those experiences that got them from clueless to who they are today.
If you honestly love who he is today, it's those memories (and people) that did it...
So, unless he's a past-dweller who lives in the past, let it go. It's some of the reasons he's with you and not them anyway...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): :) hehehe a MEMORY BOX that he is protective of, and asked you not to look through... of course, human nature being what it is, you could not resist ;-) So you looked through it - you should be HANGED! OK OK, I'm kidding, I could not resist teasing you. He asked you not to look, you did, so I'm sure you expected what you found.You know what, it's not that bad. It really isn't. It's his past, and whether it's in a box, in his mind, or in his heart, it's memories he wants to keep. Whether they were positive or negative, it brought him to where he is, the man he is today, and who he is with, when he is with you now. If he didn't have the box, it may have been in his mind only - you would not have access to that, and you can't control what he thinks, dreams, feels, etc. It's his PAST. Good or bad, it is in the past. The box is something tangible he keeps because as you said, he is a sensitive guy, very caring, etc. So he keeps it to remind himself of the lessons he learnt, how he was hurt, and what not to repeat, what not to suffer again, etc. It may also remind him what he did right, so he can improve, and keep being a better person. We can't change someone's nature. Some people cut off all ties with the past, with the ex, etc. Others remain friends. Some people keep things, others burn it. You can't change that in a person, and if you do, you are totally controlling him and he won't like it or appreciate it.You had the opportunity to see, now you know, and you can put your mind at ease. It's not a sin, it's not confessions of a murder, it's keepsakes from the past which are balanced between good and bad. REMEMBER, HE IS WITH YOU NOW. HE CHOSE YOU. Those girls in the box, are his past. They hurt him, or even if some of them were not bad, either way it didn't work and they are in the past. So don't feel intimidated by the box. It's only memories, whereas he has YOU in the present to share his FUTURE :)Secondly, about the living arrangements and the changes coming soon. As many people say, don't make a problem until it is a problem ;-) So believe in the relationship which you say is perfect for a year already. Trust him, and yourself to find ways around this new challenge. It may force you to have more quality time, which could be a good thing. It's also a temporary situation... one day he will be able to afford something else, and travel money, etc. so be supportive. Don't make him choose between his sister and you. Be understanding that things have had to change, and then work around it, as a team. Find ways to keep the love alive - by phone, email, and then visiting when you both can. Love will find a way :)Wishing you happiness,xxxx E
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 February 2012):
 I think you really overstepped your boundaries by looking in his memory box, that was a huge breach of confidence and show a lack of respect for your BF.
A memory box is nothing more then keepsakes from your past. Not everyone has one and of those who do have one, it's like a diary. it PRIVATE. So absolutely none of your business. Maybe it's a good thing that he keeps things from past GF's, good or bad.
I understand why you are upset over the move, but just like YOU decided to move home to be closer to school, HE made a choice to move as well. I am not sure why you feel like you have "more" of a right to be mad over anyone moving, kwim?
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