A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi please don't take me as a negative superficial person,and don't judge,just help me through this..I have been into fashion,beauty all that since as long as I can remember..so when I see a man not dressed up well for me its a HUGE turn off!!I like a man whose well dressed,who knows style,who has maintained himself and also knws how to treat a lady!Sometimes I feel I lose out on the nice guys,cuz I try not to pay attention to these things but the way they dress,their hygiene I just can't take rule these things out..to this date I'v just met one guy who dressed really well,who maintained himself buT I wasn't attracted to him at all cuz I dint like the way he treated a lady like he was kind and everything but he wasn't that generous!!I think I'm asking for too much in a guy due to which I think its hard for me to settle down..is it wrong seeing all these superficial things in someone?I know there's more to it,but if I try and ignore this I am just lying to myself!what do I do!? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 0001  +, writes (18 August 2012):
no! it just means that you care, and what girl wants an embarrassing boyfriend??!!
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (18 August 2012):
 Ignore your emotions. They shouldnt drive ur decision about attraction. Attraction is an instinct and it isnt a choice so by this being a turn off it is instinct that says "ick". Tell ur guy to dress up and reciprocate what u give to him when dollin up. Not being superficial at all.
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A
male
reader, Deathbunny  +, writes (18 August 2012):
Here's the problem: Dressing nice all the time is costly in terms of time and money. Unless the guy has some incentive to do so, at some point, it's likely he's going to stop or going to not invest as much time and effort into it.
So, if you're someone who sees commitment as risky (like the no-sex-until-marriage crowd), you risk getting into a committed relationship and having a major deal breaker change on you.
If this requirement is critical--and a deal breaker for you if he doesn't--you are going to need to select men who are doing it for additional reasons that are also externally supported. (Things like employment requirements, family expectations, obsessive compulsive disorder, etc.)
This will--in addition to your support--reinforce that behavior in your man.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2012): I think you need to look beyond face value, and get to know people before assuming to pass judgement on them.
Here's something that may give you food for thought:
"Looks attract the eyes, but personality attracts the heart"
Or to put it another way, you could date someone that is a perfect physical representation of what you want in a guy, but if he has the personality of a bear with a sore a*se, the relationship will be doomed within a couple of months.
That's what you found out in your previous failed relationship.
You need to break out of your comfort zone and expand, if you're to see changes in your life. There's no need to rush into dating someone, just take it one step at a time, get to know someone's personality (Forget about looks) and see where that route takes you.
Just because someone may not physically match up to the standards you've set, doesn't mean they are beneath you or couldn't be compatible with you.
If you put all the vain and shallow things aside, you may go far.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (18 August 2012):
 You have to go with your heart on this, I'm afraid. You will, as you said, be missing out on any number of really great guys; but that doesn't help much if you are miserable about this one superficial thing. By a lot of standards if it IS very superficial, but to YOU it is a "must have" central characteristic. Lectures about books and covers aside, you have to decide on what, in the end, will really make you happy. Then go with it.
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A
female
reader, diamondshards  +, writes (18 August 2012):
Let's put some things straight here, okay? There are things that for you are deal breakers in terms of relationships that other people may not consider the same way- say you're only attracted to blonde, brown eyed guys. Does that make you a bad person? No, because you don't have control over what turns you on and what does not.
I'd say, hygiene is a fairly universal deal breaker. Nobody really likes going out with somebody who smells, right? In terms of appearance, I also have a thing for well dressed {personally I like smart-casual styled} guys- it's just the way I am, since I'm into taking good care of my appearance too. I don't think this makes you or me superficial- it's just a trait which is better present than not. Don't worry so much about how people perceive you as- what matters is what you think about yourself. Besides, being kind and behaving like a gentleman are not shallow qualities to look for in a man either.
{Aside, but I actually fell in love with a guy who dresses horribly. So, really, these preferences are never set in stone, trust me- you can always end up falling for someone who's not your type at all.}
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