A
female
age
,
*ISAXO
writes:Four years ago I caught my husband of 18 years cheating with a online woman, I took him back, but never got over the pain and the betrayal. I thought we were destined to be together forever, because of the way he treated me like a princess, One yr and half ago he walked out again caught with another woman off the internet, this time this woman was making sure I found out about them by sending me fake emails to let me know what they had been up to the last year.....I was devastated to say the least...he has denied everything that he has nothing with this woman ...they were both "in a relationship" on facebook I asked him and he said I am in a relationship I am married right????? OMG!!! he lies and lies ......the thing is now he has ended this affair still denies any relationsip with this woman only a friendship ...he comes to my house to drop off coffee and stays awhile.....I was willing to reconcile but he just has a coldness about him ....If he doesnt want to reconcile why does he come over, why does he after I freak on him on the phone pretends nothing was said and still come over...he uses the dog as an excuse ,...or brings over items that are so unnessary and then watches tv with us....the next day no texts nothing.....he lives with his elderly parents and his mom has said he sometimes doesnt even come home .....hes goint through midlife crises with new jeans all the ed hardy apparelllwhat does this man want with me?25 years with a man who has betrayed me and just is hurting me.....
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female
reader, LISAXO +, writes (14 February 2012):
LISAXO is verified as being by the original poster of the question Code Warrior.......Your right , its hard for me, but I'm trying, he was a good man I just dont know what happened to him ...Midlife Crisis who knows....but it destroyed me..
I am taking it "one day at a time"
thank you for taking out the time to reply
take care :)
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (12 February 2012):
 Can you at least ban him from the house, at the moment you sound like your still in shock. There is a big difference between the man he is now, and the man you still remember. You need to be far away from him right now, to clear your head and to decide what you want to do next, without them tender memories and loving feelings confusing you.
Sex addict.. don't know, but he's not acted like a married man, in love, with good morals and respect for his wife.. once, might be a mistake.. but two... you do understand that this man will never be faithful to anyone again and you deserve better than that.
Take back your key, ban him from the house and feed the dog yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): well he is walking all over you.. boots and all..
Seriously... you have to hit him where it hurts.. next time humiliate him in front of some people.. example bang the door on his face when neighbors are around.. and tell him to get out of your life... if that doesn't work .. try changing the locks..
tell him you two are over and it is time for him to move on... do not entertain his calls... if he wants to meet with his kids..(if you have kids).. you give him the time and the date...
Don't allow this man to push his way into our life..
And I hope you are not having sex with him.. just saying..
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A
female
reader, LISAXO +, writes (12 February 2012):
LISAXO is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I didnt clarify.....there was sex,...alot of sex...I suspect he is addicted to sex I think as soon as he realized how he could go on the computer and meet women for sex he got addicted....I found alot of messages to women from different cities.....he is very shy and aftraid of rejection he was never one to do well with face to face socially with women ..and the computer well...now thats a different story ...he becomes superman......he was having sex...Oh yeah!! thats the hurtful thing...in our marriage we had sex everyday for all those years .. I really thought we were fine.....How does that happen ....that everyday making love for 22 years your husband goes off and looks for intimate encounters on dating sites.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): If he cheated once and then you had him back....and he cheated again but you still allow him to be in your life. Then he probably doesnt fully understand how deeply he has hurt you...or care that much by the sound of him!If he was having a midlife crisis, you would think cheating and losing you once, would have taught him a lesson! But clearly it didnt. So he must basically be out of love with you by this point and just hanging about because he can. Either he gets bored sitting in with mom and dad or his latest date is a no show, so off he goes to wile away a few hours in front of the TV at your home. I would find that hugely disrespectful. It is familiarity that is bringing him home now and then. It is comfortable for him and homely, he probably thinks you still love him and are pleased to see him.If it upsets and confuses you when he keeps dropping in, then tell him not to do it any more, wean yourself off him, he is behaving very badly and he is no good for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): My ex left for somebody else years ago. He used to come round at first, say he missed this or that,he would put the kettle on,grab bisciuts,check the fridge, even bought some washing once and put it in the machine.Just like he still lived with us.
I didn't want him back,the trust had well and trully gone and I wanted to move on.It was easy for me to stop the visits.
If your having sex with him it could be a reason he turns up, I didn't,it never entered my head,just his.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 February 2012):
You don't mention if any sexual activity took place, but Code Warrior is right, the guy wants to be at home with you but he doesn't know how to ask. He doesn't know how to fix the big wrong he has done to you.I can't say for you to dump him or forget about him. Your obviously not thinking in that way. At the moment it sounds like you want him to either go away, or to do something sensible, to open the door to talking, maybe forgiving, or maybe some more shouting, so you can hurt him the way he hurt you.I notice you said you was willing to reconcile, so there is some possibility that you might want to forgive. Again I don't know if his affairs were sexual, I don't know if he will cheat again. I don't know if your just lonely and keep looking back at a golden past that never existed.All I know is that your not ready to totally give up on this relationship. You want him to say or do something, so you can take action.Well he can't do it, he doesn't know how. You need to be the one to bring up the subject, you need to tackle why he comes round so much with his stupid excuses. You need to tell him to explain, to stay away, to meet the dog outside, to get on his knees and beg... don't know what you need, but you need to TELL him to do something... otherwise your gonna be stuck like this for a long time, and be left with tons of regrets about words that were never said.Love is a really funny thing, it can make fools of us all. Do what you feel is right for you. But make sure that he stops sitting on the bloody wall.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): You spent a long time together and that isn't just going to go away overnight so for now give him the boot- don't let him come over at all, let him see what it is like to really lose what he had, tell him he can have visitation rights with the dog maybe, but no coming over anymore. Start dating other men and just see what happens over time. If you two are meant to get back together you will but realize that the cheating could always be there and that the cold side of him will probably resurface. Have you discussed all of this with him, how he is so cold to you?
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A
male
reader, Deathbunny  +, writes (11 February 2012):
Honestly?After a long marriage--10, 18, 25 years--there's a lot about the other person that--even if not comfortable--is predictable and feels normal. That may be a factor in him wanting to continue to associate with you, even when (if?) he's sexually interested in a different woman.If it's an ongoing source of stress for you and you can move into or towards a better living situation for you, then do so. To be honest, you're not the same person you were 25, 20, or even 5 years ago and if your living situation hasn't adapted with you, then it's time to consider changing living situations.That said, once you're out, leave the frustration, anger, resentment, etc. of that relationship behind. Take it rationally as a learning lesson of what did or did not work, take measures to break the habits you need to, but move on and leave that crap behind. If you need to interact with this guy, make a conscious choice to do it primarily in public places. Extend courtesy, but don't let him take advantage of you. If there's some ongoing thing--like a cosigned contract, etc.--make efforts to keep those interactions through third parties or with third parties present as well.Don't let him feel like it's "home, sweet home" and he can just keep carrying on when he wants to, but don't be the antagonist.Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 February 2012):
 If you're putting out for him... then the answer to your question is obvious.... Are you????
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): More to the point - what do you want from him - more heartache, more lies, more unhappiness? Because that is all he brings to your door.
Yes its hard to let go, he only comes back because you let him and to be honest he's probably miserable just now living with his parents. Well, he made his bed, not you.
If you want peace of mind and a happy carefree life, then next time he comes round, tell him he's not coming in, tell him not to come round again.
If you decide to keep him in your life, to try again, you will have to trust him 100% and he will have to earn that trust... is it possible?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): Narcissisitic personality with serial cheating tendancies. He only cares about himself and how you make him feel. He uses women to help him feel good. Its not about love.
He's not even capable of feeling remorse because Narcissists believe they can do no wrong.
CUT HIM OUT FOR GOOD. Heal and recover in therapy and get strong, wise and you will better spot such a man and RUN.
You deserve an honest, genuine man with a good, strong, loving heart void of guile. A good start to a healthy, happy relationship.
Hang in there. Day by day it gets better.
*hugs*
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (11 February 2012):
 If you keep opening the door, he is bound to come back. Let this loser go and find a man who will treat you right. You have a lifetime of memories waiting for you.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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