A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years and we just got back together after a breakup. He promised me he would change anyway, yesterday i was on the freeway and got a flat tire and was stranded. When it happened my boyfriend text me and asked me what i was up to ,when i told him i was stranded he text back "lmao (laughing my ass off) where were you going?" and i told him i was trying to make it home. Then instead of showing any concern he just asks am i still free to hang out Friday night! This made me so mad because i felt it was rude to laugh at my situation i was out there for hours!I guess i was expecting him to care about me more. So it turns out im not hanging out with him tonight because im upset. Am i over reacting??
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): I agree with the anonymous poster- a bf should come to help you or get assistance for you and at the very least show concern for you- this could be a dangerous situation. I don't know what else is going on in your relationship but this might make you want to reconsider it. Not only did he not offer help or express concern- he actually laughed at the situation- unbelievable imo.
A
male
reader, Deathbunny +, writes (11 February 2012):
"He promised me he would change anyway..."Unless it's due to age, infirmity (loss of ability), trauma, a brain injury, psychoactive drugs, illicit drug use (or cessation), puberty, or just plain old punishment/operant conditioning, the only way or reason someone changes behavior is because they decide to do it and they want to.Oh, wait, I forgot desperation. People will change (temporarily) for desperation, but usually... not for long.If he's shown a deep lack of concern for you in the past. There's no reason to expect him to change.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 I think he's a bit insensitive. But that might just who he is. You're the one who chose to be in a relationship with him, and knowing he is this sort of guy what would you expect?
Maybe you just need to handle him differently? Instead of waiting for him to save you, did you ask for help? If you didn't need his help, but a few comforting words, then sadly I think you wont be getting that out of this guy.
I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with how he reacted. It's just that he's not the sort of person who is sensitive and caring. Which can get old pretty fast...
I was in a relationship with a guy who when I was sick didn't show any concern at all. I was down with a fever and still gathered myself to talk to him, being extremely tired. He just yelled at me, didn't wish me well, and had absolutely no care for me being sick. He was annoyed at me for something stupid (I had said "hi" and not "hi dear"). When I said he should wish me good health and to feel better he just said "but I told you last time you were sick, you should know that I wish you better without me having to say it!"
Great huh? You decide for yourself who you are in a relationship with. Rather than blame the guy for being insensitive, blame yourself. You're the one who chose him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 February 2012):
 Did you ask him to come help you?
Were you on the way to see him?
Do you have roadside assistance that was on the way to help you? Was anyone on the way to help?
So are you mad because you said IN A TEXT I have a flat tire... and he did not immediately call you and go "oh no where are you so I can be your knight in shinning armor and rescue you?"
it's not like you called him and said "I need help" and he laughed at you...
he sent a text asking what you were up to....
I think you are over-reacting based on your history with him and your expectations of him.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 I understand your frustration OP. Given the fact that this is a second chance for him, you expected him to jump up and respond, at least show some sympathy, concern and care for you. Probably these were things that were lacking from the beginning and hence you wanted him to be extra careful and concerned.
But you know what OP, guys are not like us. Most of them are thoroughly confused and have no clue about how to react to things that bother us. I remember my boyfriend's comments after a similar incident where I was fuming because of his lack of reaction, and he said "look, just tell me how to react and I'll do it. I'm not really sure what you expect out of me and I'm pretty flat when it comes to reactions". True!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): Anonymous 123 yeah that is true I think the reason I'm so mad is because of the history between us! I guess he is just already on my last nerve because of everything else were going through and this small incident sent me over the top. Thanks
Worldywise thanks for your opinion something for me to think about.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (11 February 2012):
You're mad at him not just because he didnt help but more so because of the history and the fact that you feel he hasn't changed. But you know what OP, this isn't that big a deal really. Sure its pissing off, I too would be hopping mad if this happened to me.
But think of it rationally. What could he do? Guys dont really operate like us, you know. We would be all hot and bothered if anyone we knew was stranded in the middle of the road with a flat tire but guys wont really treat it like that big a problem. For them its a flat tire. Big Deal.
What I'm trying to say is, he probably didn't even understand how troubled you were and you informed him via a text message. Now keep in mind the tone of a message can be very deceptive and while you might have been pounding your fist in reality and kicking your car, it wont come across the same way when you type it in a few words. He probably assumed you were stuck, getting help and that's that.
My two cents, the "lmao" was just a silly expression he used because he didnt know what else to say! And what was the next best thing he could think of? "Lets hang out Friday night".
Guys are a real pain OP, we cant live with them, cant live without the ;) That's just how they are!!
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (11 February 2012):
 He was insensitive. The least he could have done is offer assistance, or at least sound concerned about you. I would let it go, but if this kind of thing happens again, tell him how you feel, and if he does it yet again, knowing that it bothers you, then you might need to re-evaluate if this is the person you deserve. What a jackass! But I would give him the benefit of the doubt....this time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): "He promised me he would change anyway . . ."
"I guess i was expecting him to care about me more."
If he was a gentleman he would have rushed to your aid, and if he was unable to provide direct assistance, he would have called to arrange road service for you.
You've broken up once, now you know he hasn't changed, any guy who would leave his girlfriend stranded on a freeway where any anonymous creep could pull over and offer you a ride to nowhere really doesn't care about your safety, and any guy who doesn't care about your safety doesn't care about you.
"Am i over reacting??"
If you don't dump him for good this time you are under-reacting, and you can expect even more callous treatment in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): well what did you expect him to do? Rush out there to fix your flat tyre for you? What would you have done if you weren't currently in a relationship? (call for towing, etc.).unless it was out in the middle of nowhere, with hazardous weather, or in a dangerous part of town where you do NOT want to be hanging around alone, unless it was any of those a flat tyre is just an inconvenience not an emergency, You should be able to handle it on your own. I dont' necessarily mean fixing the tyre yourself (although I feel women should know how to do that too, I have done it many times). But at least knowing how to call a tow company and a taxi.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): I don't think he was rude to laugh, blokes I know wouldn't think it was a big deal getting a flat tyre and being stranded, he would assume you were getting it fixed,...Maybe if you had been stuck in the middle of nowhere,isolated, it would be different.
What did you want him to do? It sounds like sympathy isn't his strong point but there again it wasn't a real crisis.
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