A
female
age
51-59,
*ioletSparkle
writes:OK, maybe this is a stupid question, especially at my age, but here it is: I met this guy exactly three times, once when we met at a party, once we had coffee and once we went together at a workshop with a lot of other people, and now he is writing on my facebook wall three times a day and sending me messages twice a day. I stopped answering his private messages, as I am really not interested, and he stopped sending them, but he still keeps posting on my wall, and I already had two persons asking me if there is something going on between me and this guy. How do I stop his invasive presence? He is a nice guy and I would like to have him as a friend, but either he wants more either he is a very intrusive person. He even took the initiative after I said vaguely "let's have a movie night" to invite people over at my place writing "me and (my name)", which clearly freaked me out (and I told him so), how do I tell him nicely to stop writing on my wall so much? thank you
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female
reader, VioletSparkle +, writes (31 December 2011):
VioletSparkle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! It is done - Yos: I was Dutch enough (even if I am not Dutch by origin), hope the guy is Dutch enough (he is Dutch, in fact) to take it, and that he will appreciate the life lesson...
A
female
reader, Plain Jane  +, writes (31 December 2011):
 You can block him from putting anything on your wall. I usually do that to all acquaintances in my facebook list. Just remain as friend and there is no need to remove him from the list.
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (30 December 2011):
 If you're going to have a healthy relationship with this guy you need to have your boundaries clear. I suggest telling him very directly what your concerns are. You clearly are a considerate person, so you will probably come across just fine. Be clear, but not unkind.
Either he won't be able to handle it: then you know whatever happens a friendship won't work anyway. And you'll also teach him a valuable life lesson.
Or he will understand what you mean, and you'll be able to have the kind of friendship you are looking for, plus be able to talk openly about how the two of you relate to each other.
Or to put it in other words: be very Dutch and direct about it!
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (30 December 2011):
 I am not a fan of Facebook, so I very rarely use it. Why do you feel you need to check it EVERY day? Will it hurt you in any way to stay away from Facebook for a week? I guess by then him and his comments will look quite silly.
All my real friends have mobile phones so we can call or text each other quite easily, and I'm sure that yours do too. Why not do that instead? Facebook seems to be an unneccessary waste of your time and effort, especially if all youre doing is checking to see if this guy has sent you some more messages.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): Oh right, I thought I saw an Irish flag beside your name earlier, my mistake.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 December 2011):
 if he bothers you that much why continue to be friends?
block him. plain and simple...
if that's not an option have you considered asking him NOT to post on your wall?
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A
female
reader, VioletSparkle +, writes (30 December 2011):
VioletSparkle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus: I am not Irish :) no Irish could make all my grammar mistakes, but I like Ireland a lot - the question is: how to say that without hurting anyone's feelings, actually I will just copy and paste what you write :P
Usually when I feel my boundaries invaded I tend to overreact, so it's not a matter of curling into a ball and cry (which in the case of that guy could actually be possible, as well as the hating), but a matter of finding the right words and not being over-harsh, you know. But you are right, cool guys into self improvement actually appreciate boundaries. Will go fix the problem now :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): "how do I tell him nicely to stop writing on my wall so much? "
What do you mean? You just tell him nicely. It's not rocket science. You just say it straight up. "Jaysus, you really like writing on my wall don't you? Are you always this full on?" What's hard about that?
What is it with Irish women that you are so afraid to just tell us straight up what you feel and what you want when you think we might not necessarily like what you have to say?
It's nuts like, you seem think our world will collapse and we'll be so hurt we'll curl into a ball and cry our eyes out or something; that we'll hate you with a passion and our lives will be ruined.
OP we Irish guys are very simple indeed. You just say it. These things aren't as big a deal to us as you think and we're certainly not going to cry into our cornflakes because a girl decides to be honest with us. How the hell are we supposed to improve ourselves, improve our technique or know when we're doing something wrong if you don't tell us? We're not mind-readers and the thought of you being uncomfortable with the amount of attention we give and not letting us know you are is far worse than if you just straight up say it.
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A
female
reader, VioletSparkle +, writes (30 December 2011):
VioletSparkle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think he is just a bit of both (lonely AND weird) and also very smart and funny, as well as hopelessly unattractive to me (sorry), this is why I'd like to avoid ditching him because he deserves better, but he really needs some pointers in social relations...
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (30 December 2011):
 Block the guy. He seems desperate to be honest and very aggressive, both red flags. I think even if you keep him as a friend either on FB or in life too that still, to his dumbass anyway, says youre interested regardless of what you may state to him. Men. Deal with him if you wish or give me a call at 1-800-no-hassle and ask for the stalker eliminator ;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): If it bothers you that much then either block him or remove him from your friends list - then he can't post - simple.
And if you've explained to him you just want to be mates and nothing more, then I would stop any contact as he doesn't sound like he wants just that - he's probably just a bit lonely rather than weird.
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A
female
reader, VioletSparkle +, writes (30 December 2011):
VioletSparkle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionactually I am interested in hearing from him, only just as a friend and not so often, otherwise the problem wouldn't exist...
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (30 December 2011):
 Can you not block your Facenook page from him?
That would be the easiest way - I don't know if it is possible to block unwanted people from looking at it, though.
Why do you want him as a friend??
Just tell him, straight out that you're sorry but you are not interested in hearing from him.
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