A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some external advice because i am a mess and i do not want to do anything i regret later.I used to go out with this guy and we were really in love. Then he just pulled back and we decided to stay friends. The problem is even that he lives abroad but we still sleep together when we see each other. The fact i am not a priority anymore makes me feel terrible.He never contacts me, he takes days to reply to my emails and he never make plans to see each other. On the other hand he says he loves me and I am his friend.I am hurt all the time. Feeling rejected and wondering why he stopped seeing me as the greatest girl on earth. I question myself and feel insecure.So i decided to move on and do not turn back. I am afraid he thinks I am childish or ridiculous but why should I tell my things to someone who does not show any interest ?I am planning to send him an email. And the end of the email is:Maybe you do not understand or you find this silly to do not even care. There are many things I would like to tell you, things I would like to know about you, places I would like to show you and things I would like to do with you but I do not need any half-hearted friendship, especially with you. I just do not know how to handle it without feeling hurt. What do you think ? Is this childish ? I do not want to just disappear. Thanks !
View related questions:
insecure, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jayokayo +, writes (31 March 2011):
 to be loved is to be hugged and not bugged and from what you have written this guy is not huging you he is bugging you.
forget him and move on, your just wasting your time with him, and remember time is precious when it comes to living so use the time to enjoy your life and along the way you are sure to find the guy that wants to be with you and stop wasting it with guys like him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): I think your own doubts about sending the letter are valid. And I agree with CindyCares... he'll probably think you're fishing for a reaction and it's likely he'll think you're being melodramatic or "ridiculous" as you put it.If you need theto write a letter for personal cathartic purposes, go ahead. Getting over people sucks. But it does get easier with time. Be patient, go easy on yourself, Good Luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 In fact , it would be way smarter to just disappear, even if requires more self control and denies you the opportunity to vent. Why ? Because he does not care to know what your feelings are and knowing them would leave him as indifferent as he already is- and you, on turn, even more frustrated. Whether you consciously realize it or not, what you want is to get a reaction out of him, even of anger or surprise or annoyance. But, 9 out of 10, you won't get even that,so why bother. Just cut contacts and move on. When you will ( because sooner or later you will move on, even if you can't see it happening ) at least you won't feel embarassed thinking how many passionate ,heartfelt words you have wasted on uncaring and undeserving ears.
...............................
A
female
reader, Thornbirds  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 You know what to do except to still keep in touch with him..Don't send email anymore. Delete him from your contacts,delete him from your memory, and love yourself instead..you only make yourself miserable by thinking he cares for you..you know he doesn't. All your observations are true and valid. He is only using you, in all sense of the word! Drop him without notice. What will those literary break-up email mean to him the moment he recieves it? I will tell you. It doesn't mean a thing.. as much as you are to him..it hurts, girl, but you've got to love yourself.. He doesn't. Believe me.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): I really don't think there is any point in sending him an email about how you feel. Why? Because he doesn't care about your feelings, he doesn't care about you. Period. I know that's a harsh thing to say but i don't want you to humiliate yourself. I understand where you're coming from, i really do, but this guy is only in it for the sex and maybe an ego boost, his actions prove that.
If you feel like you need some kind of closure then it's best to keep it short and sweet. Nothing dramatic, just something that gets to the point and shows him that you're moving on, which is what you need to do.
There really is no point in sending anything heartfelt because he just does not care about anything like that. You've given this guy your body, don't let him have your heart too.
...............................
A
female
reader, VioletSparkle  +, writes (30 March 2011):
I d say if it makes you feel bad to sleep with him when you are not a priority, don't do it. And ignore the "I love you", it doesn't mean a thing if he doesn't even want to see you, he is just stringing you along. Someone like that would just deserve that you disappear, anyway the best way is to keep it short and let him know as little as possible, also because possibly (not certainly) he might be come around again to see if he can milk more of his entertainment from your feelings, and you wouldn't want that.
Another tactic can be just start seeing other people without actually telling him, making an effort in going out and dating others and looking pretty, NEVER contact him again and when he contacts you sound happy and busy and so sorry to have a previous engagement for the day when he wants to go out. And never ever sleep with him again unless he shows some solid commitment. If he slides off your life, you will be so busy with your new dates that you won't even notice.
...............................
A
female
reader, doitright  +, writes (30 March 2011):
What you need to remember is that if you send the email you are telling him its all or nothing. Are you prepared for that? You have two choices, either you stay enjoying a half-hearted relationship or risk the relationship (what is left of it) being finished for good. You could move on and find someone else without sending the email, you then are in control of your life nad not in the hands of someone else?? Take care and you are not being silly
...............................
A
female
reader, charitysend  +, writes (30 March 2011):
That is waaaaaay too much drama for a break-up note. And it's also way too long, especially for someone who doesn't even read your emails, or call you, or care about you in any way except to use your body for sex at his personal convenience. He says he loves you so he can keep getting in your pants. In other words, he's lying. It's the easy way out for him.I'm very proud of you for deciding to move on and not turn back. You can do it, especially if you keep yourself busy and distracted with other things. You'll meet someone who does care and is worth your time, believe me! Honestly, he does not consider himself your boyfriend, so he doesn't even warrant a note. He does not want to understand your feelings. If you want to send one, make it really short. "Hey, I've got a new boyfriend (yes you can lie too) so don't call me any more." He'll probably call right away on that one 'cause guys are very motivated by competition, at which point you say, "Who's this again? Oh, okay. Hey I can't really talk. Nice to hear from you though. Bye!" Click
...............................
|
