A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am a 22 yrs old girl. I met a guy online who is 39 years old.After we spoke for online for sometime, he asked me for an Open relationship. At that point of time , i has no clue what does that mean. So i just agreed to be friendly with him. I did meet him , as he was very keen to meet me too. He has really been very helpful for my college projects and studies. I must say we get along well.Now the most important part is he was in a relationship with a girl for like 18yrs. they were about to marry but as he lost all his finances , they broke up. So thats his past.Now we have been seeing each other for four months. he is a Workoholic. he really works hard to get back his pride and prestige. What pisses me off the most is at times he doesnt give me enough attention. Especially when we are not close together. He has been very honest and kindhearted to me. he claims that he loves me. I do find him confusing at times. Because he wants me to understand that he likes me a lot but wont marry me due to my age. And being an Indian, he doesnt want to destrou my life by making me marry him.BUT at times he tells me , that as the years go by we will still be close together , we will someday see whether we can marry each other or not.he has given me the full right to be with someone else. As i love him so much , i cant bare seeing him with someone else. And when he is far away from me, I tend to get apphrenhensive about it. I do let him know about it. we tend to have arguments then. he tells me not to be apphrehensive and be understanding with me. he says i am 39yrs old no more a college guy to give you a whole lot of attention. the main reason i need your guys help is how to draw him more n more closer to me. I dont want to loose him as i really sympathize to what has happened in his life . Would like to make him want me more than being with any other girls. Yes , uptill date i havent found him being with any other girl, as he has been very open to me if he ever sees a girl, he shall let me know.what pisses me off is , he says he likes me lot and wants me to be someone special in his life but at times due to his work he just doesnt give me enough attention.please help me understand him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): thanks for your advice. Yesterday when i met him , he told me on my face that i am too immature and he doesnt see me as his wife, Moreover the sick part is I dont get him at all.He wants me to be his lover and good friend but ultimately marry someone else. he accepts me to understand that he is really try to get back to his position.
I got another guy friend , he is good to him . I did tell about him to the old man. He was happy but once i told him we are planning to get married. he just simply didnt say anything.
A
female
reader, VioletSparkle  +, writes (5 May 2011):
hey, what are you doing with an old man?!? and a workaholic? do you want someone like that? I think you deserve better.. Actually, that's the catch: it's not really possible to make someone want you more than they want you, especially after they tell you that they want an open relationship (= being able to get laid with you, but also with other people, if someone better comes around) Of course he likes you a lot and wants you to be in his life, but look at how that makes you feel, considering all the rest.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 I'm sorry sweetheart but if he was really serious about you he would not want to be in a open relationship with you, he would want you to be his girlfriend and he would hate the idea of you being with another man. It sounds to me like this guy has had a hard past yes but he has now found a young girl that is interested in him therefore he is enjoying every moment of it with no strings attached. He cant give you the attention you deserve and I really dont think he ever will. I think he knows exactly the right things to say to you to keep you sweet and on side. But really I dont think this guy has any intentions of being with you in the future.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 April 2011):
 why in the world do you want to draw him closer
he wants an open relationship meaning he can see who he wants when he wants
if he gets his finances back will he go back to the other woman?
if he is not giving you enough attention at 4 months into a relationship it will only get worse.
he "claims" that he loves you... i gather you don't believe him... when a woman KNOWS a man loves her she says "he loves me" when she's not sure she says "he says he does" "he claims he does" but neither are statements of fact...
a man that loves a woman wants to be with her as much as possible.
I do not think we can make him love you the way you need/want him to.
keep him as a friend... go find someone who can be what you need them to be
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