A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I recently got married (3 months ago) to a girl i was with for 2 years. She is 20 and I am 26. I understood before getting married that she is younger and I decided to go through with it and develope more patience to accommodate the situation. We constantly fight. I mean, I tell her all the time. If I do something to upset u or bother u in any way, just tell me and I will apologize for it. I am not childish and like to get past problems. She on the other hand... she will do things to upset me but when I tell her...she says "thats so stupid" Why would that bother you?" For example...the other day we were eating out and she started using my cell phone..texting for over ten min..I asked her to do that after we dine... out of respect...so she says.."why does that bother u? just eat your food." So I take back my cell phone and told her let's please just have a nice dinner without texting every 2 min. So she starts giving me dirty looks. and I ask what is wrong? she says dont grab the cell from me like a child. So i take full responsibility and say "I'm sorry for takin the phone from u like that baby...please forgive me.. I didn't realize that hurt u." I made her smile and spoke sincerly so she can calm down. So she said ok and we continued eating. then, while I was eating, she said she was done eating and threw her fork at my plate...the people beside us noticed and looked over. I said "why did you do that"? she was like its no big deal. So i told her that was rude...so she says that I get mad at stupid things and too bad cause she is not apologizing.My wife, is stubborn, childish, and very spiteful. When we argue, I always am the one to say..."ok lets just try to resolve this sweetie.." even If i am the one mad. but she like to let to go on for days.Also, she like to give me the silent treatment...sometimes for days...i mean how childish is that? once we went a week without talking cause she just avoided me and stayed over at her mother's house. But she always is the one running back in the end.I feel like im raising a child.... how can I help grow up? Or how can I save my new marriage. I love her with everything...but am seriously considering divorce.Please HELP!
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female
reader, Melys  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 Hi, thanks for replying to us and giving an update.I can't believe she's still not speaking to you! still over the texting at the table scenario?? The reason for her acting so immature is down to her age...was she spoilt as a child? does she get on with her parents? These are really important questions to ask, because it can help you to understand the way she is a little more...She knows that you'll always go to her to 'make it up' or try to sort things out...and it seems she likes you chasing her...and she's taking advantage...which is extremely selfish and unfair to you. The first step in the right direction is to see a counselor. Have a chat with them and see if they can give you some suggestions. It will also help you see things more clearly...Maybe you could both go to marriage guidence counseling? That's usually a great help. She needs to understand you too. She needs to learn that it's a two way thing here and that her ignoring you is pointless and destructive. Could you chat to her parents? Maybe they could talk to her...Does she not realise the seriousness of marriage?! Does she know that you're at the end of your tether? I know you spoke to her about it but that was before you married her...maybe chat again. Maybe you're both just on different levels...and keep missing that connection...but don't give up, try everything you can before you throw in the towel and say 'enough is enough.'There are so many girls out there who would do anything to be with someone like you who's mature and commited. Be strong and just be you.Please feel free to give us more updates. Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): Hi, this is the original poster again.Well, to answer some of your questions. Yes she is a social butterfly. She like to send texts all the time. I guess there is a time and place for that but that is a concept lost on my wife. Also, she has always been very childish and if your wondering why i have married her? The answer is that I was patient enough to give her time to grow up i guess. Plus before we got married, I sat her down and explained how we should work together and the great responsibility marriage brings no matter anyone's age. She said at the time that she understood but I cant see the comprehension unfortunatley. It has been 3 days since this argument and she will not and has not spoken to me. I have called her once and said let talk but she replies.." I have nothing to say" She usually carries this on for a week or more at times and I'm very fed up with it at this point. Im not one to run to divorce at the very first sign of trouble...hence why I have been so patient with her up until this point. But I feel as though her friends are her world and she will listen to them b4 me...which is wierd but kinda sad at the same time. I have scheduled a meeting with a councellor (going alone) to discuss this with someone who knows these things. After that...I think I will give her one more chance to leave this childish behaviour....and if she decides not to...I am packing my bags.We do not have kids yet...so obviously there are no great attachments other than love. How can I solve my issue and be married to a woman and not a child??? PLEASE HELP!!!
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A
female
reader, Melys +, writes (15 November 2009):
Hi there,
Sorry to hear you're going through a slightly rough time with your new wife! Her behaviour sounds very immature at times...has she always been that way while you were dating for 2 years?
When she was texting whilst dining with you and shoving her fork onto your plate, that was very mature and adult of you to apologise for taking the phone etc...very courteous. She's very lucky to have you and it sounds as though she may not be appreciating you...and the signs of that is not talking to you for a while or sulking...which is so frustrating at times...
My husband used to carry his moods on for over a day at times! or he used to get moody over something so trivial. So I spoke to him a few times and told him that I couldn't carry on if he were to ignore me for a long period of time, it makes you feel unhappy and life's just too short! It's changed alot now, he's learnt to erase the word 'moody' from his vocabulary!! So there is hope for you both....
You need to call on a chat with her, both sit down together and really sort this out...explain how her behaviour makes you feel etc...(I'm sure you'll know how to address the subject.) If not, you should maybe try some counseling.
Hope you manage to sort things out.....! Good luck..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): This was her behavior BEFORE you got married also?!?! Why on earth would you want to spend time with person given to such childish and, frankly, rude behavior? What, exactly, did you see in her?!
I wouldn't put up with such childish games, she seems to need/want a wetnurse, not a husband! Don't accept such behavior from a "grown up"!
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 It sounds like your wife is fuzzy on the concept of basic courtesy. It's pretty rude to text during dinner because it shows you're not interested in the person sitting across from you, and apologizing for rude behavior is far from stupid.
Only you can determine how long you will put up with this childish behavior. Since you're not her parent it's not your responsibility to train her; only to let her know what the consequences of her actions are. If it means you spend less time together because you can't stand her rudeness, so be it.
Talk to her and let her know that her actions are causing you pain, and be honest that you are considering divorce. Hopefully a good honest conversation can help her see that a little courtesy goes a long way.
Good luck.
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