A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so i am completely in love with this girl that i have been best friends with since high school. We never really got the chance to date because every time i was single she was dating someone. Every time she was single i was dating someone. I went to alaska for six months to work and when i came back she was married. I am completely happy that she has found someone. But we have been talking and hanging out a lot since i've been back, And i have come to realize that i am even more in love with her than ever before. I dont wanna ruin her marriage, And i definately dont want to lose her as a friend. We have talked about how we both wish that we would have dated in high school or even right after. How Things could be different right now. She tells me that she is content with her husband, That she has no complaints. I love the girl to death and i would do anything for her to make sure she is happy! But i cant help the feelings that i have for her. I just dont know what to do anymore??? Any suggestions?
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female
reader, Melys  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 If you really liked eachother that much and were supposed to be together, why didn't you date eachother when you were younger? if you were so important to eachother you would have made it happen...even if you were both dating other people...
She's married now, she's chosen her life partner so I'd completely back off and find someone else.
The less you see of her, the less you'll think of her....
Hope things work out for you, good luck!
A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (6 October 2009):
If you respected her even a little, you would lock those feelings and thoughts you are having up in a little box, and toos them into the deepest darkest hole you can find, then melt the key!
She gathered her firends and loved ones around her, all to witness her standing before an official of the state or church, and swear her love and fidelity to this man. How could you even consider asking her to break such an incredibly important oath? Only if you had no respect for her at all, that's how.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): Great answer... The thing is, she's not available. Her husband would not take too kindly to your friendship with his wife. he doesn't deserve to get hurt and neither do you. Move on and let this lie...
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (6 October 2009):
 First off, you have to stop telling yourself that you can't help having feelings for her. You can actually help that. How? By not seeing her as much anymore. Or possibly finding someone else to focus on. I don't like how the common mindset for 'love' is that we just can't help who we fall for. We can. We ourselves feed into those initial feelings and only provoke them by adhering to them.
I would just be worried that a line will be crossed. The fact that she is married to this guy and talking to you about how things could have been is toeing that line to me. It has a chance of festering into something much deeper, you know? Anyway, you have to realize that she married someone else. That shows who she is really in love with. Though she may still have feelings for you, it's her husband that she chose to become obligated to. You should aknowledge that by backing down a bit, you know? Feelings fade, especially when they are not returned and focus is placed somewhere else. I would highly recommend finding someone or something else to occupy this time you have! Don't waste it on someone who is taken. :) You'll end up sorry in the end. Good luck!
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