A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:five months ago I ended it with my boyfriend of 7 years. He had a huge problem with drugs and could be aggressive and abusive. My family begged me to leave him and so finally I did. It felt a relief and I really felt I had moved on. That was until I learnt that he is going out with someone for the last 3 months. Now I feel that I miss him and love him and want him back. I know this cant be true so why do I feel like this? I googled his new lady to find she is very successful and I just felt unbelievably jealous.I know its not her fault.. and I feel horrible for feeling like this but how do we change our feelings? It doesn't help that when I go out I tend to get very drunk as I don't have much confidence and have met nothing but lowlifes who don't want to meet me again anyway. Why does he get to land on his feet after how badly he treated me?I can't help feeling that I could end up going from bad to worse so maybe I should have just stayed with him anyway. We still talk on the phone from time to time and he came to visit me yesterday. He told me his new girl is really nice but that he faces an eternal battle with himself trying to be happy -alot of which has to do with drugs no doubt.He said he misses me but that he has to put it out of his mind as that's how he deals with it. Do you think he could still have feelings for me if he is saying this or should that even be the question I'm asking? I also wonder will we treat her the same in the end or was it maybe my fault that he treated me the way he did. I hate feeling this way.
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female
reader, tjazzy  +, writes (1 December 2009):
I guess we've all gone through what you're going through at some point in life, so rest easy, you're not alone. But I will appeal to you not to give up on yourself. Your issue is low self esteem and the way you can solve that is to get busy doing the sort of stuff that will boost your confidence in yourself and the sort of stuff that helps you to meet new people and learn new stuff. What are your interests? Exercise? Cooking ? Improving your education? Why not start doing one of them today and get your mind off this guy? He's not worth it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): omg i had the same problem but like a dummy i was in love with him or at least thats what i thought it got to the point were he fisiclly and emotionally abused me my self esteem was on the floor it took alot for me to really get over him just to say i got two beautifull kids out the jerk anyways i want to let u knoe that u need to love youre self first cause if u dont all guys will take u like a joke and will only play with you and not respect u trust me i know erase all youre memories of him out youre head it works loose all contact with him stay busy and the drinking well i cant jugde u cause i been doing the same thing stop lil by lil its hard but when youre drunk u do dum things that u regreat later and guys look at u like a joke and forget the girl his going out with nobodys perfect and just cause she got money shes not better than u remember u left him for a reason let her deal with youre head ack youre free now and thats a beautifull thing i knoe i left him a month a go after 6 years its a hard thing to do youll be all right be positive look youre best and pray to god to send u the man of youre dreams !! and if you need someone to talk to email me [email address blocked] good luck!!
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A
female
reader, Melys  +, writes (30 November 2009):
 Hi there,If I were you, I'd keep well out of this, let yourself get over him completely (which I can assure you that you will) and concentrate on YOU...you need to build up yourself esteem...then you'll feel so much better about yourself, find peace with yourself...then you'll be more likely to attract someone more suited to you. It's bad news getting involved with someone who takes drugs and is aggressive and abusive...I used to be like you, the bigger the better they are, the more you want them. Please take my advice and steer clear? You can't trust anyone who take mind altering substances...and they can't be held responsible for what they do.You need to ask yourself why you want someone like this? He's not going to get anywhere in life the way he is carrying on...do you want to be a part of that? You obviously think you don't deserve more...Please ask yourself these questions...And the reason why you're still going out and meeting low lifes is because you're not ready to meet anyone else...and you need to give yourself time, be single, why don't you take up a hobby? or go to the gym? concentrate on the things you like rather than men....and I promise you you will feel better after time....be strong and don't try and get back with him, it'll be a losing battle. I've been there, seen it, done it etc....Take care and please let me know how you're getting on.x
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 November 2009):
 I think you should be thanking your lucky stars you managed to get this man out of your life.
The hankering for him now that he has a new relationship is quite normal, when a relationship ends we dont only mourn the loss of the person, but also the hopes and the dreams we had for our future, and to see your former partner moving on and building new dreams and hopes can be disheartening at times.
Recognise these feelings for what they are, grief for your lost dreams, and they are gone, even if you got back with him the same dreams would no longer exist because the went when this break up did.
There also appears to be a jealousy issue at play here, he appears to have landed on his feet, whilst you are still struggling to meet a new decent person. Dont take his new relationship at face value, you dont know what goes on behind closed doors, she may be having as hard a time as you did, the fact he doesnt appear to be 100% happy and over the moon would indicate this.
You left him for a reason, and that reason still seems to exist, acknowledge your feelings of hurt and loss and even the jealousy, and then move on.
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