A
male
age
41-50,
*carface83
writes:Hi Everybody sorry for the long story but, I am desperately looking for your help, please answer and please don't pull any punches, I have just recently split up with my girl friend of a year and and half, we have had major trust problems in the past and have split up and got back together twice before for a while it was amazing and we have the most amazing time when we are together the problem is when we are apart I would txt and she would not reply for days and I would become really paranoid as in the past she has cheated on me with her ex boyfriend. But has swore that it was a one off when they first broke up and wants to be with me. she has moved away to another city and the texts she sends have become less and less and sometime its days. We decided not to carry on any longer but I am completely heart broken I cant concentrate on work, I cant eat sleep and I cant stop crying, I really need your help how to get over loosing the girl of my dreams, the girl who on one hand made me the happiest I have ever been the only girl I have love, but on the other hand the girl who made me so miserable and feel like I am not worth anything at all. please help..
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female
reader, Melys  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through....the worst kind of pain must be relationship break up pain. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't concentrate, it's almost like time is standing still.
Normally when your relationship comes to an end, it seems like it's the worst thing in the world at the time...and you want nothing more than to hold that person...but I promise you this will fade...it's the normal part of getting over someone...it's like a bereavement.
Hang in there, and remember that if you're supposed to be with this person, you'll get back together...if not, then take this as a lesson and move on.
Eventually you will start to look forward to what the future holds.....
Good luck and look after yourself....
A
male
reader, charlie p +, writes (6 October 2009):
I'm sorry to hear this, mate. I really am! I'm going through a similar problem myself, and it's not easy. There are some things to say though.
First, elpigaro is right; you are worth something! You have a life, friends, and plenty of time ahead of you!
Secondly, during a breakup people often feel worse than they should, because they put the relationship on a pedastal and remember only the good bits. So make a list, in writing, not in your head, of the things that weren't right in the relationship. It sounds like there are some! Read the list frequently and visualise the problems; it will help you see that now those are gone you will be in a better position than you were.
Finally, remember that there is always another. It doesn't seem like it now, but you will move on. People do!
As with Elpigaro, feel free to PM me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): I am really sorry that you are in so much pain right now. This must be a really difficult time for you.
I think it is natural to feel devestated over what has happened, especially as this was a recent thing. But try to have hope that things will improve, no matter how awful it seems right now. I don't think you can expect to feel better overnight. This will take time. But you can get through it. I think you need to stay strong, and keep on going with life. Don't expect too much of yourself right now, just go easy on yourself, and concentrate on getting by, day by day.
I know this girl meant a lot to you. But is there any possibility that there could be some good in what has happened? You say that there were problems in the relationship. To an extent, every relationship will have some difficulties. But it sounds like it was more than that. There were clearly trust issues, and that is a big thing. Without trust, relationships become very difficult.
It also sounds like you wasn't really getting as much as you could. This girl didn't seem to be as serious about the relationship as you were, so that makes it more one-sided. But relationships are supposed to be equal. It sounds like you wasn't very happy in the relationship. So maybe, now that it is over, there will be a chance of happiness? Once all of this pain and hurt has healed, who knows what the future holds? How could it be any worse?
I know it seems like this is all about loss. But looked at differently, it could be about freeing yourself up for something more. It may not be possible to see this right now though. I think it is still early days, and this is going to take time before it improves. But it will improve. Even though every day must feel like an effort, keep trying to carry on. If possible, spend time with other people, friends and family. Try not to isolate yourself off. Little by little, there will be hope again.
I wish there were some quick solution. But I think it really will take time before this feels better. So keep going. Don't give up. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): Dude first off you are worth something. Your you and that is worth something. I have been there in the past and have gone as far down as you can go without going over. Trust me there isnt a day that goes by that I dont thank my lucky stars for my family because life is better now.
Look your hurting now and thats understandable, you shouldnt try not to cry let it all out. Talk to your friends your family and indeed anyone that will listen to you. Plan something nice for each day and keep telling yourself to only think one day at a time.
You will get through this it will take some time for sure but you will never feel as bad as this again.
PM me if you wish , hang in there dude.
Elpigaro
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 This reaction is totally normal no matter what type of relationship happened. Just realize that nearly everyone in the entire world has gone what you're going through, and they got over it and moved on. Which means you can too! I think that the mindset that will really save you in this is knowing that there are literally billions of other people out there, and it's a little silly to think that no one is going to be as good as this girl was. I mean look at your relationship. Love is truly made from a good foundation of trust, which she definitely violated. There are plenty of girls out there that don't do that! They are loyal and honest, which is what you really deserve.
It's hard to get through a break up, but I would give myself one more night of being truly upset and sitting around alone before picking myself up and going out to have fun. If you can still feel this upset, you can still have that much fun. Call some friends, start going out again. Start meeting new people casually. Don't jump into a relationship real fast again, because that never really heals the dependency you have formed on other people. Just start feeling happy with yourself again and start living again. Life's way to short to be hung up on someone who doesn't feel the same way, nor someone who really doesn't deserve your attention int he first place. Good luck!
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