A
female
age
36-40,
*irly123
writes:I recently talked to my boyfriend, last chrsitmas he brought home some "men's magazines" from home and had them in our bathroom. Technically I guess they weren't considered porn, but i think they were as they had naked girls EVERYWHERE. Anyway, so i asked him if he buys porn when I'm away from home. When we are talking about serious things, I rarely ask him a question in which I don't already know the answer to. Despite this, he told me no. but did admit to buying it "once" a long time ago. I know that this is not true as I know him well enough to know when he is lying to me and when he isn't. Is it wrong for me to be upset about him buying this? The way I see it is that he is paying some place to watch people have sex, where this is no different and more expensive than a live sex show or strip club. I feel like if this continues, I KNOW that I won't be able to handle being in the relationship anymore as it is crossing a line in which has already been thinned out with previous lying about porn. Paying to see sex is very bad in my books.So i guess in conclusion I want to ask the following two questions:1. Am I wrong for being upset because he is purchasing time to see naked girls have sex?2. Why do men feel the need to lie about this all the time?
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (6 January 2010):
 I read many objection from female side, that is about their husband seeing porn. Very few female seem in agreement and sharing with their husband. It means, sexuality appeared quite differently in female's mind than male's mind. Most important point against husband for seeing porn is generated from the question of honesty and faithfulness. It is because husband see porn and enjoy sex alone. However the case is that most wife do not like porn. Most wife even do not like 'foreplay' with their husband also.
This question of liking and disliking has single root, and it is about true vision of human sexuality. Real vision of sex is that-it is goal of human life,- but in absence of such vision, sex is hold as means,- means to achieve some end, which is higher than sex. then, what is the higher end? Obviously, considering the material of questioners, 'relationship' is hold as higher means. If so, relationship is hold as higher than sex, and one expect it to preserve. One {wife in our case] expect that their marriage relationship remain as long as life, quite pleasurable by ignoring sex, then it is impossible expectation.
There is only one solution to the problem, that share sexuality in any form with husband. There is nothing fearful in sex. There is everything good in sex. Sex is for sharing and relationship is for caring is the formula to make life better.
A
female
reader, Girly123 +, writes (6 January 2010):
Girly123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello all,
thank you for all of your advice.
It has been helpful for me to see different perpectives on this issue which was what I was going for. To set things straight, I have tried the whole"watching it together" thing and has worked out nicely in the past. My issue with the buying porn wasn't the porn at all, to be honest, I have accepted that he watches it. It is the fact that he is wasting money on it that bothers me. To me... i just wonder -- how far will he go to see naked girls, you know?? To me, that is a sign that he has a problem when normal free porn isn't doing it for him and he has to go out and BUY it? It drives me nuts to see people waste money on that and then lie about it.
I ask him because time and time again, I say, I just want honesty. I want honesty because that is what a relationship is about. It's not because I want to pick fights, it's because I want to avoid them. So when I know he is lying, it really hurts me that he is not comfortable telling me the truth when we share so many other things that are FAR worse than a porn subscription. It is the fact that he lies to me that I have my doubts.
I understand the whole porn thing. And despite my dislike for it, I still accept it. But taking things so far as to going out to buy it just really upsets me.
Again, thank you for all your advice, please, if you have anymore, feel free to share.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): No you arent wrong to feel the way you do. They are your feelings and you dont have to apologise for them. Many dont think its right to purchase time as you call it, to watch women and men having sex. Many regard pornography as perverted. The fact that your boyfriend has lied about it isnt good. If he thinks its fine and sees nothing wrong then why lie? He lies because he knows you object. Which begs the question, what is more important to him? His `sex` between his right hand and strange naked women having sex? Or having a happy relationship with you? If he really cant manage without porn and you have had problems in the past with this issue, as hinted in your post, it may be time to tell him to clean his act up once and for all.
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A
female
reader, Melys  +, writes (5 January 2010):
 Honey, I know how you feel and the reason for your worries....
I've spent years worrying about this sort of stuff...should I be upset for him wanting to focus on another woman's naked body apart from mine...or...how dare he look at porn!!...or...why does he try cover up??
What you need to know is...it's harmless! And you really have to believe that...don't allow it to be such a threat to you because all that nonsense is just fantasy - it isn't real..but..you are! You are the reality that he wants. If he does want to fantasize, it's with you...therefore, you are safe.
Men (more than women) tend to look at porn...but it doesn't mean they want something more than you..maybe you should suggest to watch it sometime together? Maybe you'd feel more secure that way because he'd be sharing it with you.
I spent quite a few years with various partners who all watched and kept a collection of porn. I worried, I cried, I got jealous...but you know what? at the end of everything, I've learnt that it's harmless and meaningless...because it's not reality...it's only pics/dvds...you are the reality...so become his little porn star!!!! hehe
Good luck to you xx
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A
female
reader, LadyMech22 +, writes (5 January 2010):
 Hey
Me personally would also feel very upset about my boyfriend reading mens magazines
My answer to those two question you asked would be:
1. No you are not wrong to be upset about it as you have the right to have your feelings about what your boyfriend is getting up to
2. I think they lie because they are ashamed about doin it even though they dont stop after you have said something as that is just what boys are like.
If it was me i would try having a serious conversation again and tell him exactly how you feel about him reading them and see what he says then.
Hope you solve the problem
Write back soon to update on the situation
LadyMech22
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