A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Today I had a heated argument with my mum, which ended with me smashing a plate on the floor (which I shouldn't have done) and her hitting me repeatedly and screaming at me. She shrieked at me to clean up the mess, which I started to do but then when she started to call me names, our argument reignited. She screamed "I'm going to tear up your book and see how you like it!" and made her way to my room to do just this. I of course tried to stop her but did so in a non-violent way; on the other hand, she hit me really hard all over my arms and back. I managed to shut and lock my bedroom door so that she couldn't come in and, after crying for a long time, I cleaned up the mess I'd made.This isn't the first time my mum's been violent towards me - she has kicked, pinched and slapped me a few times before (it doesn't happen that often).My dad is a very violent person with a short temper and has hit me (pretty hard since he is strong), and generally overpowered me physically on numerous occasions. He also constantly calls me things like "lazy" and "selfish", which degrades my already low self-esteem.I'm not saying I'm completely innocent in all this: I have undoubtedly provoked my parents on multiple occasions, and they have every right to get angry at me, but I don't feel that their violence is justified. What do you think - Is this normal? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? What should I do about it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): I'm glad it's not as bad as you made it sound. Though I hope you're not just playing it down because you don't like the responses you got.When things start getting heated you can always leave for a couple of hours until things cool down rather than get into it with them. Go to the movies or to a friends or something.
A
female
reader, Melys  +, writes (19 October 2009):
 Hey you
It doesn't seem so bad at home then but still be careful...
I know things can get out of hand with family at times!
Yes, parents do rub off on us don't they! I guess it's the only way we learn! If you personally feel that you have anger problems or something, you can always get help...
Good luck and take care x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I've explained my situation quite poorly because some of you are telling me to move out, which I don't think is necessary. I mean, of course I can't wait 'til I go to uni and can live independently, but I don't think my case is as desperate as I must have led you to believe. This is entirely my fault so I apologize for misleading you.
Let's start again. Most of the time, I have a healthy, loving relationship with my parents, especially my mum. It's just that at times, when they lose their temper with me, they don't handle the situation very well and turn their frustration into violence. I'd also like to point out that it's not extreme violence; no-one is beating/whipping me or anything. But I do feel that my parents are setting a very bad example for my sister and I because, like Melys said, children learn how to behave by using their parents' behaviour as models for their own. Despite this fact, I feel quite disappointed with myself for following their example and resorting to shouting and swearing when I should be dealing with it in a more mature manner.
I think the solution would be to sit down and have an adult discussion with them to let them know how I feel. I also think I'll follow katyayni's advice to get a job; after all, it won't hurt to save up some money and get some work experience, whilst making myself more independent both in my eyes and my parents'.
I'm sorry if I exaggerated/presented a one-sided interpretation of the truth in my original message. Thank you all for your guidance. I truly appreciate it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 October 2009):
My own mother was in this positon. In the end, there was only way to stop it for her and that was to move out and cut contact. I know it's not easy, but the last thing you want is to be like this, then become like your own mother to your own kids. If nothing else, at least try talking to a counsellor. The might be able to help. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): It's certainly not normal and you're certainly not making a mountain. No parent should EVER treat their kids like that and no parent can be "provoked" into assaulting their own child. They're abusing you, simple as that. Mentally and physically. And I think you need to seek help.
You could start by talking to someone at school like a teacher you trust, or your doctor, or anyone who can put you in touch with the agencies that are there to help young people in your situation.
Failing that, just do what Melys suggests and get the hell out of there!
I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, Melys +, writes (19 October 2009):
You poor love,
It seems that you're living in a very angry and abusive household.
No one EVER deserves to be hit or abused in that way.
It seems that because your parents have been that way all your life, you've learnt to be that way too..(as we all learn from our parents.)
Have you ever thought about moving out? with a friend? do you have a partner?
Also it seems like your parents are really mentally putting you down and I don't like what I read AT ALL.
Your parents sound very angry and your way of communicating is through screaming and swearing...and sometimes violence...which never solves anything.
My advice to you would be to escape (in a nice way) and move in with someone else so that you can be free from this.
Take care
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