A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a male virgin who has never kissed a girl or been on a date. I've made up my mind recently on how I will be losing my virginity. I am currently saving up money to visit one of the legal brothels in Nevada. I feel like at my age, being a kissless, dateless virgin, makes me incompatible with women. Like I wouldn't have much to offer. Every other guy is just so much better than me. No woman has been interested in me, which I can't be mad about because that is their choice. All attempts to go on a date have failed. I'm just very lonely and I want to feel normal.However I would love to spend my life with someone too but only after I get this monkey off my back. I don't think I can ever meet someone until then. I mean it's like he's over 25 and never done anything sexually, what the hell is wrong with him. Would women ever be with a guy who's paid for sex before?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2016): Male anon: I wouldn't object to my partner having had casual sex in the past but I would object to them having visited prostitutes, for the simple fact that they exploited someone vulnerable.If you think girls or boys get to an age and think erm... hairdressing? no, erm .... teaching? no, I know what I'll do, I'll become a prostitute, then you are living in cloud cuckoo land. People become prostitutes for a whole host of reasons, none of them good. Some are under educated, some drug addicts, some are traffiked, some are under age and being exploited, some are homeless and others have been abused as children and feel worthless. The ones you see on the tv who dress well, earn a fortune and have chosen in their 30s to become escorts are a tiny minority and way too expensive for most men.I have never had casual sex but don't object to it because both parties consent and it's a level playing field. I've never met a man that didn't have double standards where prostitution is concerned because how many would encourage their daughters to become one or would invite one round for tea and introduce her as a prostitute? No-one that I've ever met.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2016): female anon said: "Oh for crying out loud nonny man! Yes there may be some male prostitutes but they are mostly women! And the original question is about a man trying to buy sex from a woman!! Surely even you can see how poor your defence is? If you want to hold on to all this bitterness go right ahead but the fact is most women are not deliberately out to create a double standard where we get everything and men get nothing, nor are most men. However that's how you come across. You say that women should not have casual sex because it's what men prefer but we should also be ok with men buying sex because we don't give it out easy enough? That is a men-centric double standard and you are frankly in a fantasy world if you don't see why women get p'd off by it!"Male prostitution is not very well studied compared to female prostitution. Some researchers have guessed that 10-30% of all prostitutes are male based on things like arrest records. The location factors into the ratio as well. 10-30% of all prostitutes may be an under-researched group but that is not a small group. Its still a very big number. Women are not out to create double standards with casual sex. But that is what does happen. Nature has given one side more sexual power than the other. Lately humans are trying to apply exactly the same rules and expectations to both. Its a recipe for inequality.If women want to have casual sex without judgment later then they should extend men the same freedom. Women having casual sex for free with attractive men while condemning unattractive men for buying casual sex is not a level playing field. This is a generalization but its on topic. I personally do not visit prostitutes but I understand why many men do.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (18 October 2016):
Just for the sake of it, browse the virginity section on DearCupid. You'd be surprised how many men of your age come here to ask the same thing. Society may give us the impression that most people lose their virginity as a teen, but studies have found that at least 1 in 100 people in the 25+ category is a virgin. That means theoretically that at a big party there is someone out there just like you. Including women.
Yes you may be a bit later than others, but no need to panic. The best course of action, in my opinion, would be to go into therapy first and sort out the self esteem issues and baggage that led you to this point.
I was a virgin in my twenties too and I found out through therapy that the reason I kept every guy at arms length wasn't because of some issue with sex, but because the way I viewed myself was very unhealthy. Learning to accept myself, flaws included, has made me less afraid of other people's judgment and therefore has made it easier to let people get close.
Now, if you've built this up so much that it has become like a well you're stuck in, by all means, give the brothels in Nevada a go. I have heard good things about them.
Do make sure you tell the prostitute what you want though. She's there to provide a service and a good one will be happy to give you some tips and tricks. Some people will argue with me that gaining experience in sex from a prostitute is a bad idea, but if this will help you break through your mental barrier and give you the confidence to take steps in your real dating life, I'd say, go for it. Prostitutes are people too and they sure as hell know what they don't like.
Now, as for what to tell a future girlfriend / dating prospect. Yes, people will not react well to this but in my opinion this is none of their business, so I would keep you dating history short and somewhat vague. I'm not suggesting fabricating an entire story (you're going to have to memorize it and that rarely works out well.) In stead, just omit some things. So, tell her that you can count the amount of people you've dated on one hand, for example. I would not tell her about the prostitute.
People here might say this is the kind of lie that shouldn't be present in a relationship, but I disagree. Most women simply do not react well to hearing you went to a prostitute. So do not tell them, just like you won't tell a recruiter for a government job that you once smoked a joint when you were 14. Some things are best left unsaid.
Scope out the place before you go, ask for a gentle woman who wouldn't mind giving some pointers. Try to have fun and then let it go. Life is too short to make virginity such a big issue.
Please beware though that any self esteem issues that may have led to this point will still be there after you lose your virginity. This is not some one-way ticket to a parallel universe where you're the kind of self confident guy without baggage. You're gonna have to work on that regardless of what you do.
ALL THAT SAID, if you suspect, even if it's just for one second, that going to a prostitute is going to worsen the way you view yourself, DO NOT do it. Instead, go straight to therapy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2016): Oh for crying out loud nonny man! Yes there may be some male prostitutes but they are mostly women! And the original question is about a man trying to buy sex from a woman!! Surely even you can see how poor your defence is? If you want to hold on to all this bitterness go right ahead but the fact is most women are not deliberately out to create a double standard where we get everything and men get nothing, nor are most men. However that's how you come across. You say that women should not have casual sex because it's what men prefer but we should also be ok with men buying sex because we don't give it out easy enough? That is a men-centric double standard and you are frankly in a fantasy world if you don't see why women get p'd off by it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2016): "You can proclaim that women are unsympathetic to men who use prostitutes because they don't understand what it's like to be a lonely man; I can suggest that men don't truly understand why prostitution upsets women as they are not the ones being bought and sold for money."
Nope.
Women are NOT the only people who are prostitutes. There are lots of male prostitutes. They get hired by homosexual men for the most part.
Women are very rarely ever the buyers of male prostitutes. That is partly because casual sex is so much easier for them to get. Because, as we agree, men and women are different.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (13 October 2016):
Male anon - but the situation will always be at least slightly different because men and women ARE different and as such they view things differently.
For example you can argue that it's unfair because women have an easier time finding uncommitted sex; I can argue it's unfair that men only over offer me sex when I want a loving and committed relationship.
You can argue that a woman repulses you if she has had too many sexual partners; I can counter that a man disgusts me if he is happy to hold other human beings to a standard he does not adhere to himself.
You can proclaim that women are unsympathetic to men who use prostitutes because they don't understand what it's like to be a lonely man; I can suggest that men don't truly understand why prostitution upsets women as they are not the ones being bought and sold for money.
We disagree because we are looking at it from different perspectives, through the lens of our own biases and with our own interests in mind. And of course we are, it would be weird if we weren't!
I personally choose to try to understand and even empathise others viewpoints, even if I don't fully understand them, and in turn seek out others whose views are closest to my own to spend my time with. This is what I'd also recommend others do. However, if you prefer to dwell on the fact that women won't change to suit your agenda then that is also your decision, however I think you're in for a long and lonely battle.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2016): jls022, most women do not ever need prostitutes to get uncommitted sex. The same cannot be said for a big portion of men. That is what makes the situation different. Women have far less need for prostitutes so that gives them the luxury of being more strongly opposed to it.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (12 October 2016):
OP it really is up to you. If you have no moral issues with it and wish to feel what sex is like then there's nothing stopping you. However, you must realise that it won't solve any of your problems. In fact based on previous posts here, it has made them worse for other men as they feel it's obvious that the woman doesn't care for them or sexually desire them, they only care about the money. You may also need to deal with the fact that it will put some potential partners off in the future. Not all women will feel that way, but for some it will be a dealbreaker. Like any other decision, there are pros and cons on each side and only you can decide which side looks better to you. All the best to you.
PS - for the attention of Mr Male Anon who loves to complain about the so-called inconsistencies between men and women, what you fail to realise in this scenario is that visiting a prostitute is NOT the reverse of being promiscuous. In the case of promiscuity, both parties agree to sex because they both desire sex. Obviously that is not why a prostitute agrees to sex. The true reverse would be if a woman had previously sold her body for sex, in which case I'm sure many men (even those who do not have an issue with retroactive jealousy) would be put off choosing her as a partner. Again not all, but to some it would be a dealbreaker.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2016): when a guy asks about hiring prostitutes, he gets the "sex should be special and intimate" routine.But when a guy feels repulsed by his partner's promiscuous habits, it's a totally different story. The same people will say meaningless sex is a normal urge that every human is entitled to indulge without any negative reactions from others. Which one is it, people? Is meaningless promiscuity acceptable and normal or not? Saying "It's fine as long as it's not prostitutes" is another way of saying, "It's fine in circumstances that women prefer, just not when it suits lonely unattractive men."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2016): I don't see anything wrong in sleeping with a prostitute if you think it will improve your confidence or even just so you can experience sex. I've seen programmes about the brothels in Nevada and the girls/women who worked there at the time seemed very human and warm. They are paid to make you feel comfy and at ease so hopefully it will be something you enjoy.
I'm sure you're not stupid and realise that it will probably be a different experience to the one you have when you have sex in a relationship, but if you feel as if you have a monkey on your back, then go have a great time getting rid of it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2016): You need read thishttp://www.doctornerdlove.com/2014/05/the-problem-with-male-virginity/
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 Me personally I wouldn't want to be with someone who has paid for sex with a prostitute, legal or not I don't agree that sex should be bought, it should have meaning between two people and should be special. Believe me getting a prostitute to take your virginity is not going to make you feel better and it is not going to prepare you for sex the first time with someone you actually care about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2016): You're asking permission to exploit a female, who sells her body to support herself or possibly a drug habit. You are also asking if it's okay to have sex with a person in the high-risk category for HIV and sexually-transmitted diseases. It often turns into a nasty habit.
I suspect your shyness and a crippling-fear of rejection has placed you where you are. Perhaps you should first work on your self-confidence and overcome your fear of approaching women; and expand your mindset to include something more than just to have sex with them.
Generally, females are always approached by men expecting no emotional exchange; simply to exploit and objectify them for the use of their lady-parts. Hey, that's the nature of the beast. I know, I'm a guy; but I've learned something.
Sir, there is no easy way around getting to know a woman, establishing something meaningful, and getting sex as the reward for your honesty, good-character, sex-appeal, and natural charm.
Even if you're not the best looking guy, are extremely shy, or just so introverted/timid you spook if a fly lands on you. Good women prefer to be treated with respect and offered tenderness before offering sex. Even if it's only casual-sex, they want to walkaway feeling as good about it as you would.
I neither advocate nor endorse the use of prostitution for the sake of overcoming arrested-development in adult males.
It's best to work on the issues that you have that inhibits your ability to open yourself to natural attraction, connect emotionally, and have the guts to open-up and talk to ladies regardless of what means you pick to find or meet them.
Prostitution is usually the result of giving-up and giving-in to some serious dysfunction in life, or women (children or men) forced into the industry through sexual-slavery. I expect someone in the sex-trade to defend it; but at the end of the day, it screws them up. Regardless of all the money they claim to make; and the claims that they did it by choice. Yeah, right! The patrons are usually low-life crass types who are so narcissistic, they don't give a damn about the humanity or plight of the person they're using. They're just fresh meat.
I really tire of recommending therapy for things that are simple and natural human conditions. Sometimes people just need to step outside their comfort-zones to experience life in its simplest forms. Greet and meet a lady in real-time, or subscribe to a reputable dating site. Offer an up-to-date profile picture to let them see what you look like, and do your best to give an honest personal-description in your profile. Do not advertise you're a virgin! Seriously!!!
If you have weight issues, scarring or severe acne, a small penis, or you scare yourself in the mirror; if it has become so difficult to live with, then there is no alternative but to seek therapy. If women sense there is something wrong with you, you bet they will avoid you.
Let women choose you for who you are, like you for who you are, and offer themselves to you freely, not for a price. Your sexual-experience is not as relevant as you may think; women are the most forgiving and accepting of God's creations; and with time and patience you'll find the match you're looking for. Virginity is not a disability. Lack of communicative-skills and interactive-skills are restrictive social afflictions, and are usually the case.
If you can't admit why you're afraid to approach and connect with women; you'll never overcome the shyness, or find the means to fix whatever undesirable traits that turn them off about you. Your writing shows you are a very articulate and intelligent man. So that being the case, you can find a better way to find intimacy with women.
Just getting-off is a bad way to start, my friend.
Aside from the exceptions, like sexually-aggressive or promiscuous women; most want to be romanced and wooed first. It's win-win, because you obviously have never established a real relationship and you've never really enjoyed intimacy attached to an affection for you.
Unless you suffer from Asperger's Syndrome or have a phobic fear of women, being a virgin at your age is usually by a conscious choice. Obviously cultural restraint or celibacy according to religious belief may also be reasons.
Women can't be blamed, as often the case from most guys who write this type of post. They never really explain what it is they do or give any backstory on why they find it so hard to connect with women. They simply imply women are so mean, evasive, and so emotionally-flawed; they don't take notice of them, and refuse to give them a chance. I really don't know what plain of existence they're living in; because you can't live half a life-time without running into someone who really likes you. They never admit that they're just petrified to even try.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 Trust me, women like it far better if a man is a virgin, than if a man has only had sexual contact with a prostitute. Luckily for you though, women aren't mind readers and will have no way of telling whether you are inexperienced or not. And, you will not really gain much in terms of experience from a one off with a prostitute. You will still be clueless about relationships and sex in a normal relationship.
Anyhow, if you just want to have sex and firmly believe that your lack of sexual experience (I hate the word virginity, it's a made up word that doesn't describe any real state of being, it's just a BS word), is holding you back, and your own moral code doesn't get in the way, then what's stopping you?
I for one think that you place far too much emphasis on this. Having had sex will not make you more attractive to women than you already are. It will not make a difference in your success or lack thereof with women.
I understand your frustration however, it sucks to go at it alone, and you start to wonder what it's like. But morally, I don't approve of prostitution.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2016): sometimes guys visit prostitutes just so that they can brag about it afterwards.I understand the worries you can have when you feel you are inept at sex.It can make you want to do crazy things just so that you feel you have experience and this is probably a classic example.You feel that by completing the act in a rapid timeslot then all your fears will vanish and they might.But also so may your wallet and credit cards so please restrict how much cash you take with you and what exactly you agree to.Remember conversation is out.She wil try to sort you out as quickly as possible and i doubt if there will be much kissing on the lips, but its your life.I have known of someone who followed a similar path and lived to tell the tale.And later on they did meet someone else but the whole theory of love is that you like first and attraction makes its presence felt followed by lust ,sex, or love.But millions of people didnt live happily ever after even though they tried!
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (11 October 2016):
 Its not wrong at all. But I dont think you should do this out of desperation. Sounds like even if you had sex, youre self esteem and self worth is still very low. You need to work on self love and gaining some sense of confidence and. A man's worth isnt equal to how much sex he is getting. If youre suffering from depression, seek a counselor in your area who can help you out. If you have image problems or need get healthy, consider joining a local gym where you can work out and help that boost your self esteem and fitness. When you look good, you feel good and thats very attractive to men and women. If youre suffering from work, consider a new job. If youre lonely, time to join meet ups and make new friends. Its not easy but the first step is to take ACTION and at least try. Don't sit there and bitch about how unfair life is when you havent even done the WORK. You can only truly love and enjoy sex with women, when everything about who are you is coming from a place of comfort, confidence, love, and goodness. The RIGHT women wont care that youre a virgin as long as everything about you is full of love, confidence, and that you have boundaries. Women are not attracted to low esteem men who view their virginity as a plague and believe their salvation is having sex. Relax and chill and get a diff perspective.My first boyfriend was 27 when he lost his virginity. When he told me he was a virgin I never blinked twice, I was already so into him as a man that nothing about his vulnerability would sway me. He was nerdy but successful, handsome and despite being a virgin, he was eager to learn and he was positive about it. He didnt see his virginity as a curse and he was so much more special to me because I was the girl that took his virginity.Look, you can offer women so much more than sex. Women want more than sex, we want love, friendship, romance, etc. There is nothing wrong with seeking an escort but I think youll do much better finding love first then everything else will fall into place.Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2016): There is nothing wrong with it if you just want to lose your virginity.
Just be careful of STI's.
It is a judgment call.
And it's all yours.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 October 2016):
 I would rather date and sleep with a virgin male, than with one who frequented prostitutes. The latter is definitely coming off as a desperate person more so than the first.
I don't really see anything wrong in a person who is inexperienced, or as it's labelled, a virgin. What's the big deal? There isn't one!! Only in your head.
There are plenty of things I don't know how to do and I'm in my 40's, but that really wouldn't hold me back in trying to figure it out. Yes, I'd pay for lessons for something for sure. But I wouldn't buy another human being's body on an hourly basis.
I know that many of the prostitutes at the various brothels CHOOSES to work a few months out of the year at a brothel - that they view as their job, nothing wrong in that. They are tested often, they work in a safe(r) environment - so if you think by having your first time with a prostitute will help you, go for it.
One thing though, YOU will still be you. You will still have the skills you have right now in approaching and asking girls out. You will not become some "sexpert" after a night or a few hours with a prostitute. And even if she praises you or teach you a few thing, the next women might not get tickled pink by those moves.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (11 October 2016):
 Most people I know wouldn't because it's paying for someone's body and for sexual acts. To me, sex has to be personal or we're not on the same wavelength. I have nothing against people choosing to be a sex worker, but I don't agree with paying for sex.
Not to mention a prostitute won't give you real-life experience. It won't be the same with a regular person. The reasons behind you choosing it are major impatience too, which is a turn off for many.
I wouldn't judge you for choosing it, but I wouldn't date a guy who had either.
You're better off going on a hook up site, making sure you meet them a few times and have STD checks done, then do it. That said, like I told a younger (female) poster - a hook up (or prostitute) is never a good first experience and I wouldn't recommend it.
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