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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, My boyfriend is very loving, sweet, complimentary etc but he does this thing that is really starting to grate on me... Basically when we watch films/ tv when a fit women comes on he's VERY vocal about it I.e. "id put it in her" "she's so stunning", "id love a go" etc. I'm not even joking, just typing it makes me feel bad :/Dont mean to toot my horn but I'm pretty attractive myself and we have a great physical relationship that is loving/ emotional...I haven't raised it with him but plan to... It obviously makes me feel upset as I wonder what happens if a really fit comes on to him, would he just think with his dick? :/ I don't know if its an insecurity thing... He's always saying he's sad he cant be buffed for me, cant do his weights cos of injuries, although I make it pretty clear I love him for all he is... It does seem so unnecessary, even ok looking girls in the street, he'd "ruin them" where's the need? He's not dim he must realise how that makes me feel... Sometimes he looks at my react on sometimes notPlease help lol, thanks :( Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for your responses... I did get rid of the captain kirk lock screen ha :) will ensure no more disrespectful talk happens...
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 January 2017):
 Give him a taste off his own medicine, next time you are out walking and pass some guy just go wow look at him, I would love to have my legs wrapped around his c**k, I will tackle him any day... and see his reaction!!
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (5 January 2017):
My mom used to do this when I was a kid. Whenever there was a movie on or a commercial or anything with a hot guy in it, she'd make a comment. "Wow, he's hot," or: "Wouldn't mind a visit from him on a rainy sunday morning", etc, etc. My dad, who was basically the hottest guy in town in his prime (and even today, when he's in his early 60's, has women fawning over him) got really fed up with it.
So he started doing the same thing. Every beautiful actress suddenly got a comment. "Wow, isn't she gorgeous?" Then he'd look at me, and ask me if I didn't agree, to which I wholeheartedly replied "she sure is!" Mom caught on pretty quickly and she and dad had an honest talk about it and she's stopped doing it ever since. Well, except when it's just me and her watching a romcom on our own. Then she'll whisper "he's pretty good looking, isn't he?" as if she means for me, when I know she's just appreciating it for herself, haha. Sneaky woman.
Anyway, she has never cheated and she really does love my dad, but it was one of those habits she has that she didn't realize were really annoying for my dad.
So turn the tables on your boyfriend in a really obvious way and then have a talk about it. Also mention that you have a hard time accepting his moments of sweetness when he's talking about putting his dick in another woman in the next moment. Especially because it makes it sound like he views women like nothing more than a warm piece of flesh.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2017): He is very immature. I wouldn't stay with someone like that.
Of course most men *think* like that, but to actually tell your partner that you want to bone someone else...sure maybe he doesn't really mean it, but it seems like he is trying to be purposely cruel.
DO you really want a man who does this for the rest of your life? Some keep it in their heads (or in the men-only locker room) and some rub their gf's faces in it...not nice and not loving.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2017): The word ruin means to destroy . It pretty sad that we live in a world where men's so called physical attraction has made it ok for them to joke about hurting and harming women. Especially when in that same world , abuse against women is a major issue.
I think this and the comments the ops boyfriend makes highlights the importance of men learning how to respect women at a young age and sadly it seems that today's young women get less , not more respect than earlier generations . I
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2017): I would find this a massive turn off , just as I would never feel it necessary to tell a man I was with what celebrity 'could leave his boots understand my bed ' Sure , it's fine to find other people attractive but there is such a thing as respect for ones partner . Sadly , nowadays it seems people have little class and I even less idea of how to treat another human being with respect.
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reader, jls022 +, writes (4 January 2017):
My ex told me he'd 'ruin' a girl once too. I told him if he did I'd ruin him right back, then jokingly used my fingers to mimic scissors and pointed them at his nethers! He never said anything like that again! :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2017): I agree that you should shine but iI wouldn't recommend stooping to his level. I mean if he can't behave like a half decent human being and show some empathy for the woman he claims to love then is he seriously going to be touched by you showing him this behaviour is ok . No
I'd shine my butt right out the door and leave him to the next woman. Eventually , after he loses enough women , he might start to consider that woman are more than how they look and that we are also worthy of respect. I'm sorry but he doesn't sound like the man for you
Move on, you deserve a lot better
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2017): One single dose of his own medicine should put him back in line right where he belongs.
I am sure you could hurt his ego way more than he can ever hurt yours. Guys like to think they run the game but when push comes to shove, we women hold all the cards.
Maybe you should try giving him a taste of his own med? Maybe he will actually see what it FEELS like when the shoe is on the other foot?
IT HURTS, doesn't it?
Maybe then he will GROW UP and STOP doing this shit to his girlfriend who LOVES HIM! He needs to smarten up and realize what he's got and not piss it away with his own insecurities. By the way, NEVER EVER let any man bring you down. Keep SHINING young lady!
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 January 2017):
 My husband used to do the same thing. He seems to have stopped now that he's secure with our relationship. Either that or my doing it back to him made him realize how it bothered me because it bothered him. I never for a second took it to mean he would sleep with the girl with "gorgeous legs" just that he could admire something that was attractive.
Just like I look at let's say Sam Elliot and say "he could put his boots under my bed anytime" it does not mean I don't love my husband. Nor does it mean I would actually do it. But if he asked me out (or Ryan, Chris or Zac or anyone else) my response would be NO because I'm in a committed relationship. I AM NOT DEAD... yeah Chris Hemsworth as Thor is the stuff of fantasy and I love to watch him and I might even drool a bit, but risk my relationship... naw...
I think you need to let him know it bothers you and if he blows it off or doesn't change his behavior...do it to him and then just smile at him.
As for not wanting him since he's gained 70 pounds and is fat and hair... yeah in a NY second I would still want to be with him... .sadly he has no drive (sorry my pity party)
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all responses! I'm not dim I know men are visual creatures, I just see it as going OVERBOARD to the point of disrespectful.. Wise owl I do see that but "I'm mentally w***ing off to her" (direct quote)is not on right
It seems like the difference is although he's not the most buffed head turner I find him insanely attractive/ manly... I'll make sure to tell him it more. And if a really fit guy walked past I wouldn't think "I wanna do him" Maybe a second look... It's true.
Ill. talk to him and if he doesn't change will reconsider seriously as I do see it as disrespect. Thanks again everyone... Only thing that made me think he might cheat..thanks anyway!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2017): I believe that he does this to make you feel insecure and it also keeps your attention on him so your not looking at other men and your attention is always on him because you want to know what he's looking at.
This is nothing to do with men in the locker room and how they talk this is really disrespectful and done purposely.
Ask him to stop and if he doesn't then leave him.
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reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 January 2017):
 He's being immature Those are the stupid comments of a boy that is talking to another boy.
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reader, Nittynora +, writes (4 January 2017):
 I'm sorry but if a fella spoke in front of me like that he would be history. It is childish, common, tacky, disrespectful and vulgar. He sounds like an idiot to be honest. When he does it again I would let him know in no uncertain term what a complete and utter twat he sounds like. Don't be jealous and don't let it make you feel insecure. A friend of mine her husband is the same. The one day I was in the car with them and a young lady was walking down the street, he said "oooohhhhh nice pussy". I was absolutely disgusted, and I told him off I said "have some respect for your wife"!!! He never answered. The car was quiet lol. She said to me after he always does that and I hate it, she said thanks for telling him off. I have never liked him since then. I would do the same back, when you see a fit bloke on the TV I like Johnney Depp and if I wasn't married there's quite a lot I would like to do to him but I would not say it in front of my husband.I agree with everything Ivyblue and Honeypie have said.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 January 2017):
 I agree with Ivyblue
I'd be BLUNT with him. ABSOLUTELY blunt. And I'd tell him to keep his locker room mentality to the locker room with his male friends. That you find his comments unattractive, disrespectful, degrading and a turn-off.
I don't think this is about YOUR insecurities either, but his. HE feels the needs to make himself look more "attractive" to you by telling you that he'd do this or that actress... When, in fact, that actress probably wouldn't DO him.
Is he doing it to undermine YOUR confidence? I don't know. I think a little. Especially if you are good looking and he avoids complimenting you.
And if having a chat (I'd do it RIGHT after he starts his "I'd fuck this or that actress") if it doesn't work - then he doesn't see the problem with it.
And I beg to differ with WiseOwlE - I would NOT "let" my man act like a swine in front of me, so he could FEEL like a man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2017): Wise owl, really? Are you having an off day? This advice and opinion seems somewhat out of character for you. Had a feel of if someone could do better they would. If the likes of the stars you mentioned were to turn up- or any other star, I absolutely would turn them down! I love my partner and our emotional connection and love is what I would choose itriif an line up if pretty men!
You would find it difficult to say no to a hunk at the gym? Oh my...
OP- your man is being disrespectful irrespective of the reason. You've every right to tell him you don't like it and how it makes you feel.
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reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (4 January 2017):
 Hi there. It sounds to me as though his comments are maybe as a result of some sort of physical insecurities he has about himself. A bit like Napoleon complex but of a less than macho state. I say this because of your comment than he says he wishes he was more buff for you. If it were me, next time he says something crass, I'd be saying something along the lines of " Babe...Im your gf not one of your mates. if you are going to talk like that about women, do it with them and please show me a little respect. You talking like that is actually a turn off for me."
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2017): I have to disagree with wiseowle when he says 'you can't be everything a guy wants physically anymore than a guy can be everything a girl wants physically ' In every single relationship I've been in the man has completely been everything I've needed physically . I don't understand why a man is speaking on behalf of all women when as I understand it , for myself and many other women , one man is perfectly adequate for meeting all physical needs I think it's important that one does not assume that simply because as a man he feels a woman cannot possibly ever be enough that this is the same for all women because I assure you as a woman , this is simply not true., and no I do t read any romance novels nor am I remotely interested in chic flicks .
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2017): I think he makes these comments to keep you in your place. Let's you know you're not the only one he'd give one to. Makes you just low enough to feel bad and want to impress him. Keeps you needy. Whilst Totally unacceptable. You could replicate his comments about other guys and see how he likes it. Failing that tell him to stop and why. Keep emotions out. If he doesn't then you know he doesn't actually care. He sounds so immatur
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2017): Guys make comments about who they'd bone as typical crude guy/locker-room talk. Your insecurities about yourself really have nothing to do with what he's saying, but how you feel about yourself. If he said nothing, you'd look in the mirror and compare yourself to the pretty shapely girl on your job. "I can't stand that chick, she probably has a boob-job!" "I don't know why all the guys drool over her fat ass!" Yes, I hear those comments ladies make too!
You can't be everything a guy wants in a woman; no more than he can be everything you'd want in a man, physically.
It's such total bullsh*t when women claim their guy's body doesn't matter. Then shutter when some hairy glob of a man wants to lie on top of them panting and drooling like a beast.
Men, if your lady doesn't want sex and seems to have lost all her sex-drive? Go look in the bathroom mirror and stand on the scale. There you have it. They'll lie and say they love you just as you are, and as they always have. But they don't want to boink you. You're disgusting, they're too sweet to tell you that. The tides turn! We get it too!
Look at the covers of romance novels; and tell me if you see the picture of a fat bald dude with a beer-gut. Check-out soap operas and lady's fashion magazines. I don't see any of the male models and actors on the covers looking like the chubby bearded-guy in IT. How come jocks get more dates than nerds? How come all the cute guys in my office get all the attention from women, and the average guys don't? I mean married-ladies, boy-friended, and single-ladies? All ages!
Be honest, fitness and nice bodies are just physically aesthetic; although we don't all get the option of dating that type of physique. Given the opportunity, very few will refuse. Yourself included, if you have a choice. You don't even have to admit it.
Your boyfriend is the typical straight-male, who is conditioned by his dad, brothers, uncles, society, and all forms of media to say what he says; or he's labeled "queer."
My boyfriend and I have gym-bodies. We are into fitness. My boyfriend is far more built, and has more muscle-mass. I have tone and definition, and can't build the mass. Although he's gay, he's a typical guy; and can tell you all his fantasy-types. I don't plan to gouge his eyes out, nor go into therapy; because I don't look like a fitness-model. I'm sure if he got propositioned by one, it might be hard to say no. Same here, I'm human.
Just as hard as it would be for you to turn down a date with Zac Efron, Ryan Gosling, or Chris Hemsworth. You'd melt in their arms. You'd say the noble thing, that you'd turn them all down; but you'd be lying your panties off!
Get a grip, girlfriend! It's stupid-ass boy-talk!
If it's disrespectful, speak-up. If it's just the stuff he's used to saying in-front of his frat-brothers, or his beer-buddies, he just forgot his lady is in the room. All it takes is a cold-stare. You don't have to go into bitch-mode, or run crying to your room. If he wanted that type, and could get it; you wouldn't be there. You might cheat with a guy who doesn't look half as good as he does.
You're only human. That would destroy his ego, and hurt his feelings. If you say looks don't truly matter.
Other guys, including his own dad, would have very little respect for him as a man, if he allowed you to carry his balls in your purse; and not seem like a regular guy. Let him know that too much of that talk is hurtful and disrespectful. Don't try to ban it altogether. That's just insecurity. You might as well date a gay man, or another girl.
I draw the line at Donald Trump-like commentary; which is crass, misogynist, and disgusting. However; locker-room talk shouldn't be said in mixed-company anyway. Just like I don't like listening to male-bashing at the table full of females in a restaurant or club; generalizing that all men in fabulous cars are compensating. Yet they are rarely turned-down for dinner, dates, and sex.
Double-standards apply to both genders, and all sexual-orientations.
Blatant trashy-commentary said in-front of you about live females is one thing. But jealousy over fantasy-figures on porn, movies, and TV is just ridiculous.
Choose your battles, girlfriend. React at appropriate times, and let your man be a guy. He's got you, and that's because you're what he wants. The others are just fantasies and no substance. You've got his heart, mind, and body!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2017): That's a sweet and complimentary guy ? He sounds like an add who is trying to deliberately undermine your confidence and does not value women for anything but their looks and bodies
Ask him to list five women in the public arena that he respects for their talents brains and achievements. ? Rather than their tits and ass . I bet he can't list one .
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