A
male
age
26-29,
*rBigShot110
writes:I'm at a place now where I'm rejected 100% of the time. It's mind boggling how awful I am at attracting women. They're put off my me almost immediately and if they're not, I get their number and they stop talking to me. It takes talent to be this bad with women lol. I've kissed one girl, at age 16 and haven't been able to start a relationship with another since. In the four years since, I've been on one date. It's actually been over a year since that one as well. I'm just not sure what I'm doing wrong. It's very unsettling to continue to fail at something and not know how to adjust to become more successful. I've gotten to a point where I'm pretty much associate women with pain and I know I can't do this because honestly speaking I'm the common denominator. I can get a phone number pretty easily, but I never make it to a date. It always goes wrong before that. I seriously struggle with creating attraction and flirting. I'm not looking to hook up with every woman I meet, nor am I trying to see how many women I can have in my circle. I'm simply trying to find someone to start a relationship with. I've never had a girlfriend before. I have no problem being myself, and I don't think my appearance is bad. It's just that apparently "myself" isn't attractive to the opposite sex. I'm lost at this point and I'm tired of losing. Any advice is welcome. Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 March 2017):
 You have got numbers off 9s? Honestly if you rate women on their looks and nothing else then yeah that is maybe where your problems are arising. Also you may be looking at the wrong type off women, therefore broaden your horizon and see if that helps. Also once getting someones number don't come on strong it scares girls away. Be yourself get to know them a little and ask for a date.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2017): If you judge women on a scale, and looks are apparently that important; then you've met your match. You can't live-up to your image if all you can get are numbers.
Nines and tens like guys with great jobs, nice cars, and money to spare. They feel they deserve a good-time. Apparently you talk a good game, and perhaps the point is to back it up.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (1 March 2017):
 I can't help wondering if you username, Mr Big Shot (!!!!) gives a clue to where your problem may lie?
Do you try to come across as a "big shot", full of yourself and super confident? While confidence is attractive, cockiness is definitely not and girls will just think "what a muppet" and lose interest.
Do you ask girls about themselves? About what they like? Or do you just rabbit on about yourself and how wonderful you are? If you try less of the latter and more of the former, perhaps that could help?
Just guessing here obviously (and I would love to observe you "in action" so I could have a better clue) but we don't really have much to go on.
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A
male
reader, MrBigShot110 +, writes (1 March 2017):
MrBigShot110 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys! Thanks for all the answers. To further clarify, I've actually been able to start conversations and get the numbers of a few women I'd say are solid 9s if we're talking looks, hence why I don't believe it's my appearance. It's something I'm doing afterwards... possibly being boring, coming on too strong, etc. It's just that I'm not sure what exactly it is and there's no one to watch me or anything. I have no female friends and I can't be looking for the wrong "type" of woman because I can't get far enough to decipher a "type" lol. Anyways, hopefully this gives more insight.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (28 February 2017):
Being a woman, I can tell you why some men get immediately dismissed in my mind upon meeting them. They have the following characteristics:
1) they are painfully insecure. Their posture is bad, their back hunched, they look like a deer in headlights in a social situation. If this sounds familiar, make a point of standing up straighter, walking with more confidence and trying to make eye contact with people (both men and women) longer without actually staring. Ask your friends to correct you whenever you start slouching.
2) they are desperate. Everything about them screams "PLEASE DATE ME" and I cannot tell you how off-putting that is. If you don't think you're good enough, why should I? If that sounds harsh, let me remind you that these are first impressions and though first impressions are not everything, they get a foot in the door.
3.) They don't know how to really listen. Great conversationalists listen. Their goal is not to hear themselves talk. They're here to exchange information and learn something new and have fun while they're at it.
4) They have no opinions of their own. This is the other extreme: they are too quiet and more than willing to agree with everything you have to say. The opinions they do have hold little weight. This is bad because no-one wants to date an empty doll.
If you suspect one or more of these apply to you, try to do something about it. Get some counseling to boost your self esteem, etc.
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A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (28 February 2017):
 We've all been there man. I didn't have my first kiss, my first girlfriend, my first everything until I was 19.I've also been rejected countless times. Numbers don't always convert into dates. If you're getting numbers you're doing something right though, but maybe you just need to smooth out the transition into the date. The easiest way is to keep it logistical. Text asking about how her weekend was, or day went, or the last thing she told you, and then ask if she'd like to go out for a drink or for dinner. Trust me that's all you need, and it also will avoid anxiety about you texting "the wrong thing." Don't call a girl unless she's your girlfriend or she calls you. Girls rarely, if ever, pick up the phone nowadays. And don't fret man, you will find somebody, or maybe even several women throughout your life. Don't give up. Be optimistic and happy, women are extremely perceptive, so if you are feeling pain when you're around them, they will pick up on it, and not be responsive. Get out of that vicious circle of negativity and focus on the positive things. The worst thing she can do is say no to going out with you, and every no gets you closer to that elusive yes. Good luck man!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2017): Without being able to observe you in action, everything is left to our speculation. Behavior most common among guys who seem to scare girls off is social-awkwardness, creepiness, and a lack of self-confidence. Lets be real, sometimes just being unattractive gets in your way.
Social-awkwardness is usually stuttering, nervousness, sweating, a shaky-voice when talking. Approaching her like you're expecting her to react badly, and lame small-talk.
They sense your fear and desperation; and sitting through a whole date with a guy like that is miserable. If not terrifying.
Creepiness is wide-eyed staring and awkward pauses, or silence. Coming on to a lady like a freight train. Scary topics of conversation that females don't easily relate to, or constant babble about video gaming. They know right off the bat that a video-gamer doesn't have a lot of time, or won't keep in-touch. Most lack social graces, and can't mingle in groups. Constant references to cartoons and anime comes across as boyish and immature.
Girls do want to know what you like about them, they want to know what you plan to do about your future, and they love guys with a sense of humor. Shyness is okay to some degree, but over-shyness is childish. If you can't conquer your shyness, you will have very little female-company. Very little company of either gender. You need both!
If you lack self-confidence and approach a girl like you know she's going to turn you down, she most likely will.
Don't try to read her mind; or keep apologizing like you've done something wrong, if you really haven't. Don't put yourself down in-front of women. Self-deprecation draws more attention to your faults and flaws. Unless you're super cute, you can't getaway with knocking yourself. It's okay to make fun of yourself, but don't put yourself down.
Don't be afraid to smile! Not a fake Cheshire Cat face, or serial-killer smirk. Your natural smile. A blank-face falls in the creepiness category.
You're only 20, and some guys just take a little longer to develop their swag or suave. You say you're good at being yourself; but explain to us who that is? We can't see you or watch how you behave around females; so all we know is that you can't seem to keep their attention.
Sometimes that is because you may only approach popular or conceited beauty queens who think they should only be approached by popular guys or jocks. Sometimes you have to practice on the young ladies who have a sweeter personality; and don't only expect to be approached by super studs.
Talk to someone who you think you can trust; who is most likely to give you an honest opinion about your personality, and how you carry yourself. Think about little quirks you know you have, like stuttering or nervous ticks. Do you babble or chatter nervously when you approach a girl you've never met before? Do you have any friends?
The lack of friends is often an indication that you have issues with social-interaction with everybody. So practicing just getting along with people in general builds your self-confidence, and helps you to blend into social groups. Guys who are your buddies will try to set you up, so you've got to have a circle of friends too. A good buddy would be happy to be your wing-man and guide lovely ladies your way.
If you are awkward and always fly solo; girls instantly know people aren't comfortable around you. Nor are you comfortable with people. Let alone enjoying yourself at a party, or around her family.
Get out more. Always planting your face in a device or spending too much time gaming will zap you of your charm and social-skills needed to attract people. Depriving you of the human ability to create the magnetism necessary to draw the attention that makes people interested in getting to know you. Giving off a fun vibe that lights up a room.
There is also the last and final area that many guys are slow to learn. Grooming, personal-hygiene, and style.
If you're no longer in your teens, you shouldn't dress like a 14 year-old. You should have an easy to wear hairstyle that compliments your face and brings out your best facial features. I'm very sorry to say, some guys just look awful and don't have a clue about their appearance. Sometimes "okay" is not good enough. Especially if you're Mr. Just Below Average Looking. Then confidence is more important than anything. Looks doesn't always get the girl; but fresh appearance and self-confidence compensates for that. Let girls see you in all phases. Casual, dressed-up, and just a tee and well-fitted jeans. Look nice, smell nice, and you'll feel nice. Bad-breath and body-odor speak for themselves.
Ask your sisters and female friends what they like in a guy. What do they find creepy or strange. Ask them what turns them on, and what turns them off. Talk to your buddies who seem to have a good flow with girls, what's their secret? Observe their body-language and how they flirt. Don't mimic or impersonate anybody, you must develop your own style and technique. All you need is some foundation material to build from.
You have to like yourself and not only see your own weaknesses or imperfections; but know your strengths and use them to your best advantage.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (28 February 2017):
 The best way to get her interest up is to turn around and walk away. You have to appear strong and independent. The big message to portray is that you don't need a relationship to complete yourself. Also don't be there every time. Let them wonder why you aren't there. if there are regular social events or clubs you frequent then break up that habit. If your only hobby is trying to meet a girl, you will come off as a player.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2017): This is a hard one to answer because I don't know you personally but one day you will find a woman that loves and accept you as you are and you won't even have to try much to impress her. I;m sure you are a lovely lad and don't be disheartened, a lot of men and women have to find their feet in this dating world. I'm a 25 year old fairly attractive woman and have been dating for 8 years and only now think I've got the knack for it. My advice will be based on where I've seen men go wrong with dating. You may possibly be coming on too strong, very awkward personality (If you are naturally awkward try to mask this awkwardness until you are comfortable with the person), possibly going for girls who don't appreciate your personality, low confidence that shows up as insecure or desperate, some guys are also quite mean with their approach, trying too hard, inappropriate (not necessarily sexual but maybe crossing someones boundaries.) I say focus on presenting your best attributes and viewing yourself as someone that many girls would be lucky to have. Try to get to know girls as just friends first as studying girls/women may make you understand how to approach different ones. Speak to your female friends about where they think you may be going wrong if you have any close female friends too. And lastly if you are a "nice guy" continue being a nice guy we need more of them in the world xx Good luck.
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A
female
reader, fishy fish +, writes (28 February 2017):
I honestly think that your failed dating attempts have shaken your confidence in that department and made your energy a bit "off" with women. I'm not sure how you're approaching women and what's your strategy but it appears to me that it's all in your head and it's reflecting negatively on your energy. Women love confidence and fun guys. They love to be wooed. Work on your energy and you will get a whole list of dates for the next weekend:) good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2017): This is a hard one to answer because I don't know you personally but one day you will find a woman that loves and accept you as you are and you won't even have to try much to impress her.
My advice will be based on where I've seen men go wrong with dating. You may possibly be coming on too strong, very awkward personality, going for girls who don't appreciate your uniqueness, low confidence that shows up as insecure, desperate.
I say focus on building your confidence and try to get to know girls as just friends and speak to your female friends about where they think you may be going wrong if you have any close female friends.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2017): Dude- I feel your pain. I've been having this problem all my life, and I'm in my forties!
There's nothing that can be said to explain the level of attraction between two people without asking them. Now, going back to those girls and asking them what went wrong would make you look worse!
Maybe you come across too strong, too forceful, desperate- I don't know, it could be one or more of many things. Maybe it's none of things and you're attracted to the kind of girl that isn't attracted to you.
My suggestion would be to ask a female friend. Not a relative, a friend who you can ask to be honest. You might hear some things you don't like, so be prepared for that. You might be told there's nothing wrong with you, in which case- keep trying.
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