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... Send *lue Rat a private message | | | *lue Rat's profile:I am a 46 year old man, orginially from London but who now lives in the West Midlands, via spells in Amsterdam, Bristol and Dublin. I am divorced with three children from my marriage, and I now live with my long-term partner (we have been living together for over ten years now). I am not a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist or therapist, so my advice is given purely based on life experience and, of course my own subjective views and opinions.
Away from my fairly mundane office job, I love to read, long walks in the country, a social drink, and am a passionate supporter of The Arsenal. I am also a big fan of excellent comedy, such Alan Partridge, The League of Gents, 15 Storeys High, Extras, The Office, Blackadder, Spaced, and many others. |
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The garage is his domain and he insists the rest of us can't use the space in there! What should Ido?
Q. All the issues my husband has with me surround my kids who he says basically just lives here, they have no rights in his eyes, this is our house not the kids.We have a 3 car garage, which my husband wants to keep like a living room. He has a tv, a ...
A. 14 June 2007: Well, he sounds like a nice guy doesn't he. Any idea what you're doing with such a totally self-centred and ignorant gob-shite? You need to take the garage back and ensure everyone in the family has equal access to it. I know we all need a little ... (read in full...)
He wears this unusual ring on his wedding ring finger. Does this mean he's married?
Q. hi, ive just started a new hobby which i enjoy, there one thing bugging me when the leader talks to the group he tends to look directly at me all the time, i also caught him glancing at me from the other side of the room. hes quite yummy and i ...
A. 14 June 2007: If it's on his right hand then it's not on his wedding finger is it! A wedding ring is worn on the left hand.
But if you want to know for sure, why not do what Jualsy suggests. You'll soon find out that way. ... (read in full...)
Marriend and looking for extramarital sex with no strings
Q. How do I find a discreet sensual partner without ties? I am a mature man with longstanding domestic committments but with a still strong sexual interest. My partner has had no interest in lovemaking for a long time and I am very frustrated. I ha...
A. 14 June 2007: There are hundreds of dating/contact sites on the internet. Try some of those. ... (read in full...)
Help! I think I'm addicted to SEX!
Q. I know this seems weird but i think I'm a sex addict i get turned on at weird times by weird things like i look at cornflakes and get wet, i sometimes cum just by thinking of the word sex and i come within a few minutes, if that, of sex. How can i ...
A. 4 June 2007: Who says it's a problem? So you seem to get turned on very easily? So what? Take normal sensible precautions, but other than that just enjoy yourself. Why on earth do you think you need help? I suppose you could stop buying those cornflakes (sexy li... (read in full...)
What can I do as a romantic gesture for our 6 month anniversary?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 months its a long distance relationship, its our 6 months aniversary this month and I'm going to be seeing her. Just wanted to know if anyone had ideas for a romantic day I could organise for me and ...
A. 4 June 2007: 6 months isn't an anniversary. Give it another 6 months, then when you've been together a year, THAT's an anniversary. ... (read in full...)
Bf pressured me to give him head and said he's return the favor but he didn't! How can I ever trust him again?
Q. im 17 my boyfriend is 31 he got me 2 give him head i didnt really want to but he said he would do it back to me and he didnt . how can i trust him...
A. 31 May 2007: Personally I think the rule in sex is quite simple. Whether you're talking about oral, anal, straightforward missionary position, or any other variation of any kind. Don't ever do it as a favour. Do something because you want to do it and it turns ... (read in full...)
I'm scared that I get bored with my romantic partners way too easily!
Q. I have this terrible fear that I may be the type of person who gets bored with my romantic partners too easily, but I don't know what to do to change my behavior. I got bored with my husband very early in the marriage and had a string of affairs. ...
A. 24 May 2007: You say you want to be in a loving committed stable relationship, but do you really? Or do you just think you ought to want to, because that's the norm in our society and if you don't conform to that then there's somehow something wrong with you?
J... (read in full...)
What is scat??
Q. I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend a few weeks ago. That's all well and fine, but now he's telling me that he has a fetish, "scat" I feel very embarrassed to ask him what this is. What is it?...
A. 24 May 2007: Scat is essentially where people defecate on one another as part of the sex act. Shitting, to put it bluntly.
You can make your own mind up how you feel about that.... (read in full...)
How should I wear my hear for my wedding?
Q. Im getting married in 2 months and have a beautiful triple row crystal headband style tiara. Im uncertain as to the way I should wear it with my shoulder length hair. My strapless ivory dress will work with hair up or down. Any ideas for a simple ...
A. 30 April 2007: To the anonymous female below:
Rude? Hardly. It was just a light-hearted post, as Waterloo Sunset was clearly able to appreciate. Lighten up.... (read in full...)
How should I wear my hear for my wedding?
Q. Im getting married in 2 months and have a beautiful triple row crystal headband style tiara. Im uncertain as to the way I should wear it with my shoulder length hair. My strapless ivory dress will work with hair up or down. Any ideas for a simple ...
A. 27 April 2007: Shave it all off? Dye it pink? No, hang on, I've got it. Go Rastafarian.
But whatever you do, please keep us all posted. I won't sleep until I know how it all works out.... (read in full...)
Does too much wetness in a girls vagina gross guys out when they finger you?
Q. Does too much wetness in a girls vagina gross guys out when they finger you? I'm talkinga bout a 16 year old boy....
A. 25 April 2007: And from a guy's perspecitve I can only echo TasteofIndia and JulietteElisse's posts. They're both spot on. The wetter a girl is, the better - it shows she's turned on, and that's what we guys want! Personally, the more turned on my partner is, the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to have a threesome with another woman, but I want him all to myself!
Q. My bf wants to have a threesome with another girl! One of the reasons is because he says a wants to be with another every great once in a while, but is very much in love with me and wants to stay while me forever! We've been together for a year, and ...
A. 23 April 2007: I think my advice here is much the same as it would be for any other form of sexual activity (providing it's legal, that is!). Only do it if it's what you want to do. Some people have great relationships and fantastic sex lives with threesom... (read in full...)
We've been together 6 years but I am so suspicious of his cellphone!
Q. How can i trust my partner when he always has his mobile on silent, takes it everywhere with him (even to the loo) and has PIN numbers on it, so if anyone does pick it up they have no chance of using it. Sometimes I catch him "texting" but he alway...
A. 23 April 2007: Of course a person's mobile is their private property and no-one, not even a husband or wife has the RIGHT to look at their partner's messages or address book. However, his behaviour is extremely suspicious and has all the hallmarks of someone ... (read in full...)
My husband is in Iraq, on his second tour of duty. I cheated on him and I feel horrible. Should I tell him ever?
Q. i have been married for three years and my husband is on his second tour in iraq!!! i cheated on him for the first time with one of my co-workers and i feel so guilty and horrible, i dont know if i should tell him im scarced to. should i just take ...
A. 23 April 2007: If you're sure he couldn't find out any other way then no I wouldn't tell him. What good would it do? It would only bring heartache, anger, tears, sadness, misery and also permanently damage his trust in you. And for what benefit? None that I can ... (read in full...)
He seems to correlate money with affection! Are his expectations too high, or am I just cold?
Q. Did I do something wrong? I picked my fiance up from the airport and couldn't figure out how to unlock my door or the trunk right away, but when I finally got it I got out to ask him how his flight was. He told me to go back and do it again (and ...
A. 17 April 2007: He sounds like a precious little pratt to me. Is he an only child or something? Tell him to grow up and stop behaving like an attention-seeking six-year old. And if he can't do that, I'd open the door for him and boot him through it.
... (read in full...)
How important are looks to a man ?
Q. How important are looks to a man? Long hair, short hair? Short, tall? Brown eyes, blue eyes? How big is too big? How small is too small? What about chest size... does size really matter? Let's get really honest here. We're not all supermodels... ...
A. 16 April 2007: Looks are important to MOST men. There are exceptions of course. Naturally, in a relationship, personality is vital, but no matter how good the personality there still has to be a basic attraction too. At least that's how I feel and I think how the ... (read in full...)
What does the term "Dirty sex" mean ?
Q. Hi, I heard the term 'dirty sex' and i was wondering what it meant exactly. What exactly is dirty sex and what does it include??? Thanks. ...
A. 16 April 2007: There's no definitive answer to that. Dirty sex means different things to different people. Something as commonplace as oral sex, which is normal for most people, would be viewed as dirty by others. A back-alley shag with someone you just met in a ... (read in full...)
I'm obsessed with sex because hes not putting out! How can we get it back ? I'm scared Im gonna stray!!!
Q. Hi, We have been together 4 years and are still very much in love, we are a young couple in their 30's. I feel as though the relationship is going slowly downhill. We do equally do things for one another, I mean we both share the cooking cleaning...
A. 16 April 2007: I'm afraid I can't see an easy answer to this. You seem to have a strong relationship in ever area outside of bed and you say you still love each other. There's no stress, medical problem or cheating that's causing his lack of interest, so it simply ... (read in full...)
I've been having strong sexual feelings towards my father ever since I saw him in the shower.
Q. I am almost 17 and recently I have been having some very strong sexual feelings towards my father. They started about 3 months ago when I saw him in the shower. Please help me, I dont know what to do. Do I say something to him or do I wait and see ...
A. 3 April 2007: We can't help our sexual urges, but we can and must control inappropriate ones. I'm afraid that not only is any kind of sexual relationship with your father morally wrong, it is also illegal and would have severe repercussions for you both.
I thin... (read in full...)
She ran me down with my car because she thought I was cheating on her! Should I forgive her?
Q. I'm 19 and i have a girlfriend that ran me down with my car beacause she thought I was cheating she is begging for my forgiveness. Now I love her but I may never use my legs again. Should I forgive her?????? please let me know!...
A. 3 April 2007: She ran you down with your car because she THOUGHT you were cheating? Even if you were cheating, this is still an unfogivable and serious assault, but to do it just because she thought you might be, is nothing short of dangerously psychotic ... (read in full...)
We just seem to stare into one anothers eyes all the time, why are we like this?
Q. hi I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months now and its going really well! Over the past few weeks I have started to feel differently, for example when I am talking to him we are just looking into each others eyes, just staring for ages! Even ...
A. 30 March 2007: You're love-struck. A soppy, dopey stage that will soon wear off and you can then re-join the human race and stop behaving in such a vomit-inducing fashion.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hates me wearing make up!
Q. My boyfriend is having problems with me putting on make up. He said he doesn’t want me to get my make up on him and he thinks real beauty should not be created with make up. He doesn’t even like lip balm when I kiss him. It actually stops us from ...
A. 30 March 2007: A little make-up can enhance any girl's looks, even those who are naturally very beautiful anyway. It doesn't sound to me like you're the type to be wearing excessive amounts of the stuff, just a little to help you look and feel better. I think your ... (read in full...)
Bf and I have some religious issues...how do we work it out?
Q. Religion is a touchy subject between couples especially when they have their own religion. I’m in a situation right now with my boyfriend as a Christian and me being someone who’s open to Christianity. I used to go to a Christian school, used to go ...
A. 29 March 2007: Be true to yourself and your own beliefs, ideas, opinions. You can't cultivate a set of religious beliefs or way of life just to please a partner. Be yourself and don't allow yourself to be pressurised in any way.
Personally I have no time for the ... (read in full...)
Why do men tell their gf's-- they are the most beautiful woman and then turn around and gawk at other women?
Q. Why is it no matter how smart and beautiful we may be as a mate, men still gawk at other women? They will tell you how beautiful you are and how much they love you and then in the same breath they will turn around and drool over some other woman? ...
A. 29 March 2007: For goodness' sake!! How old are you??? He may well love you and he may well think you're beautiful but have you happened to notice how many other beautiful women there are around?? Millions of them. Just because we start going out with one regular ... (read in full...)
I told him some of my past, his face said it all, Im also insecure, How can I get past all this with this fab guy!?
Q. hi, i am with this amazing guy who means the world to me, and he is truely the best thing that has ever happened to me ( relationship wise ), we get along so well and i have always told him everything about me and my past, even the fact that i h...
A. 28 March 2007: You haven't done anything wrong. You've been completely honest with him. Okay, so he might not have enjoyed what you told him but at least he knows you're not hiding anything and that he has a partner who is completely truthful with him. That's a ... (read in full...)
He wants a 3some but-I'm worried he'll like the other girl better! Any thoughts?
Q. My bf wants a 3some. and to be honest im not to bothered by this as i wouldnt mind one myself. we do have a slight disagreement though. i want another lad and he wants another lass. i wouldnt mind that but im really scared that he'll shag one of my ...
A. 28 March 2007: Good point Stina. And for the benefit of the ranting anonymous poster, another reason some of us haven't taken Katzkitten's age into account is that it's not evident on her question and therefore we didn't know she was only 14. You have to go into ... (read in full...)
How likely is it that the baby I'm having is my ex-boyfriend's?
Q. i recentl found out i was pregnant me and my current boyfriend didn't use a condom but i slept with my ex-boyfriend and we did use a condom how likely is it that the baby i'm having is my ex-boyfriend?...
A. 28 March 2007: If you used the condom correctly with your ex, and it didn't tear or come off inside you, then it's highly unlikely (but not impossible) that the baby is his. Short of a paternity test though, you'll never be 100% certain.
I'd be a bit more conc... (read in full...)
He wants a 3some but-I'm worried he'll like the other girl better! Any thoughts?
Q. My bf wants a 3some. and to be honest im not to bothered by this as i wouldnt mind one myself. we do have a slight disagreement though. i want another lad and he wants another lass. i wouldnt mind that but im really scared that he'll shag one of my ...
A. 28 March 2007: If you have worries about whether the other person will be "better" than you, then don't do it. A threesome can only work if neither of you has any jealousy or insecurity issues and could enjoy the whole thing without comparing yourself to the other ... (read in full...)
Gals, if you just meet a man who turns you on, would you have sex with him right away?
Q. Women: If a man you meet is extremely good looking or just turns you on, under “any circumstances” you will you have sex with him? One example: I picked up a gal I was sitting next to in a restaurant (at the bar) that told me later I would no...
A. 27 March 2007: I know you're after a female perspective on this, but basically it depends on the individual doesn't it. Most women probably wouldn't have sex right away, but some will. It depends on their own personality, the timing, the circumstances and the ... (read in full...)
How far can I go with him to please him a little without losing him?
Q. I dated a guy who was at uni and we had a long distance relationship for over 2 years. It was my first love and despite being brought up to believe sex was for marriage, i thought we'd be together forever so i let it happen but also cos i was ...
A. 27 March 2007: Have sex or don't have sex because it's what YOU want to do. Your parents have imposed their ideas and their morals upon you. Okay, that's fine - most parents do that to a greater or lesser extent and I'm sure they did what they thought best. But ... (read in full...)
He seems to think he has a right to look at his ex's mail. What do you think ?
Q. my BF and I were at his ex's house picking up his son and she wasn't home. I felt strange going in but they both asked me to as they didn't see it as a problem. while in her house, my ex proceeded to look through her mail and stuff she had laying ...
A. 27 March 2007: He has absolutely no right to look through her stuff. It's an outrageous invasion of her privacy (and as she is re-married, very probably an invasion of her husband's privacy too!). He's there to pick up his son only and as such is a guest in her ... (read in full...)
I keep thinking how lucky he is to have a 19 year old blonde virgin on his arm and what an ego boost.
Q. I'm an 19 year old virgin and my boyfriend is 36 years old. We have been together for 6 months and I've had lots of fun with him. The thing is...with the age gap. I keep thinking how lucky he is to have a 19 year old blonde virgin on his arm and ...
A. 26 March 2007: You keep thinking how lucky he is to have a 19 year old virgin (i.e. YOU) on his arm??? Wow, how big-headed are you?? You must really reckon yourself, girl. Not a nice trait. Confidence is one thing, conceit is quite another.
And seeing your... (read in full...)
Should a guy spend more on a 2 year aniversary gift for his girlfriend ?
Q. for a 2 year anniversary--do you in general think a guy should spend more on the girl? My b/f was asking in a joking way so what are we spending but obviously it was serious in a way. I know i would feel a little weird if i spent ALOT more than him ...
A. 20 March 2007: It's not a contest. Neither is it particularly romantic to focus on the cost, and I would have thought anniversaries are supposed to be romantic occasions.
Just buy something well within your means (surely it's only a token gift anyway?) and stop... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to have sex with another guy while he watches!
Q. my boyfriend wants me to have sex with another guy while he watches, we have been together 3 years and great relationship. Will he think any less of me, anyone else ever tried it??...
A. 2 March 2007: Okay, deep breath as I'm going to expose a little of my personal life here, but hopefully in doing so it will add weight to my answer. I'm guessing that none of the other people who have answered your question have had the kind of experience you're ... (read in full...)
We have been together 10 years and have children together but he won't marry me and I'm so upset about it!
Q. We have been together nearly 10 years, have had our ups and downs, a few kids but he refuses to get married. He knows it means a lot to me. I don't even want a big do. Just him and me, to commit to each other. The years have just flown by, ...
A. 26 February 2007: I agree with the anonymous female poster. Why are you so obsessed with the insitution of marriage? Surely ten years and a family together is a more meaningful demonstration of commitment than a ceremony and a piece of paper? And anyway, who says ... (read in full...)
She just confessed that she cheated, I dont know how to cope with this now!!?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years. She just told me that she cheated on me with a friend of mine. They went out 3 times(as friends) but the last one ended up with a kiss and he asked for a hand in which she did.. I am feeling very ...
A. 15 February 2007: I'm sorry, but could you please tell me what a "hand in" is? (as in "he asked her for a hand-in, which she did) I don't know if that's a typo, or if it's an American slang term that I just don't know. I can hazard a guess, but I could be wrong, and ... (read in full...)
It's like he can't wait until I am out of the way so he can view porn!!!
Q. I have been with my husband for almost six years. A few weeks ago i checked his history on the computer and noticed he had been on quite a few porn sites and adult sex finder ads. When i asked him about this his response was he was only looking ...
A. 15 February 2007: Firstly, I think it's almost certain that his anger simply masked his embarrassment at being found out and confronted. Believe me, even as a fully grown adult, you can still feel like a naughty schoolboy when caught out like that! There is not... (read in full...)
Should I go my overseas trip even although I've been issued an ultimatum from my boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months and all has been going perfectly. The problem is, I have been planning an overseas trip for 5 weeks at the end of the year. He is having major issues with this and says he doesn't see the point ...
A. 14 February 2007: Broadly speaking I agree with Jendorset. He is behaving like an immature and rather selfish child. Of course he doesn't WANT you to go. You'd be worried if he did. And he's bound to feel a little jealous too - who wouldn't? You're off on an exciting ... (read in full...)
This is a bit unusual I know, tomorrow is V's day. (I'm the female) but I want to stay in and watch the FA cup replay!!! How do I tell my boyfriend?
Q. Hi everyone, I am in a bit of a pickle here! My partner and I have arranged to go out tomorrow night (we try and go out for a meal at least once or twice a week) - now, unless you live in a cave, you will realise that tomorrow is Valenti...
A. 14 February 2007: Note to Maxsteel - it's not "soccer" mate, it's football.
To Nutty Gooner - glad you've got your priorities sorted. Have a great night, and COME ON YOU GOONERS!!
Note to Jamer70 - you're a sad individual. Up the Arsenal - the best footballing... (read in full...)
Should I agree to my husband's threesome Idea? Even if I don't want to?!
Q. I've been married for over 10 years now. My husband has this fantasy about having a threesome. I am deadset against it. He says that it burns a whole in his heart and it is something he is going to do, but he wants to do it with me. Will this ...
A. 14 February 2007: Does he want a threesome with another woman or another man? You don't say.
I don't agree with Dr John AT ALL. And there's absolutely no need for any counselling for Heaven's sake. The man's not sick, he just has a very common sexual fantasy - and ... (read in full...)
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