A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have this terrible fear that I may be the type of person who gets bored with my romantic partners too easily, but I don't know what to do to change my behavior. I got bored with my husband very early in the marriage and had a string of affairs. Each one, eventually losing my interest once I know they were in love with me. Even in highschool, when I think about my romances, I realize that once a man confesses his love for me, I lose interest. I have become one of those people who loves the thrill of the hunt, but grows bored once she's captured the object of her desire. How do I break this cycle? I really want to be in a loving, committed, stable relationship but once I know I have someone, it becomes predictable and stale. I don't know what to do!
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male
reader, Blue Rat +, writes (24 May 2007):
You say you want to be in a loving committed stable relationship, but do you really? Or do you just think you ought to want to, because that's the norm in our society and if you don't conform to that then there's somehow something wrong with you?
Just be yourself and make the most of who and what you are. Get the best out of your own way of life and don't try to engineer a different one.
The loving stable relationship may just happen anyway, if you meet the right person, which you obiously haven't done so far. If not, well, so what.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2007): I think it is excellent that you have noticed this problem and come clean. There are sure to be reasons why this is the case, it is not something you invented for yourself.
It would be very interesting for you to discover the causes through some therapy and helped to change your thinking. When a person's brain gets into the habit of following certain thought patterns they get burned into the hard drive. Ways of thinking become motorways in your brain. Does that make sense?
You have got used to using straight, direct, well travelled paths that lead you know will lead you to a feeling of satisfaction. Once you get there you feel empty - a bit like getting fast food and then feeling that sugar drop and the hungry feeling again too soon afterwards.
Perhaps you simply need to travel over that feeling and give a relationship a chance to pick up and become something new that you have not yet tried. The most satisfying experiences are shared ones. You can only feed a relationship by feeding from one another for so long.
That stuff is so exciting but not like hearing a piece of music that makes you both cry, talking about a book you have read that makes you feel differently about the world - generally sharing what is outside of you in this big world. I feel parables coming on so forgive me if I sound preechy!
Do you have an enquiring mind and are you willing to develop? Do you think you have coasted too long and not developed your mind and thinking? I always know when I have started to slip when all I can concentrate on is the celebrity rubbish magazines. It takes concentration, a willingness to learn and savour to keep relationships exciting. It won't last if it is smash and grab.
You need to find a little side-road that takes you to the right place and it may take some work getting your poor brain used to it. See a psychologist and you will definately get through this, it could be hit and miss trying to do it alone. I hope this makes sense and please follow up to let us know.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 You are addicted to drama in relationships, and you need to treat it like any addiction to drugs. That means you have to be ready to handle withdrawl. Until you are ready to face that demon, change will be unlikely.
-FBK
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