A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years. She just told me that she cheated on me with a friend of mine. They went out 3 times(as friends) but the last one ended up with a kiss and he asked for a hand in which she did.. I am feeling very lost, she means the world to me and I find myself trying very hard to forgive her but it just hurts me so bad. The thought keeps coming back. I told her to leave me alone for a week. I don't want to act irrationally, I can't bring myself to hate her yet I can't forget about it either. Everything was going great, she was and is my best friend. She is really regretful but I just don't know how I am going to cope with it behind my mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the answers. I had some time to think about it properly. I can afford to lose a friend who is capable of doing this to me. my gf and i ...while she did do the most damage, i told her i am willing to try and forgive but i need time so we are back to being friends and see how things go.I told her to sort everything out before she comes back. she told me she had a commitment problem and that the guy made her feel like when me and her were in the early stages of dating. I apologised although both she and I are aware that it is still inexcusable. Anyway, I have moved on and single now. I guess that is the best mentality for now. My problem is I am not sure how to deal with this friend of mine. I hang out with the same group of friends. I have already told him not to ring me(he tried ringing several times) and if he wanted to talk, meet me. however I adviced him not to, as I am really not sure what I will do. I have been going out with this group of friends nightly to take up my time and not think too much at night and he has been avoiding coming to the events. However, we are in the same university taking the same courses. we would bump into each other someday.I do not want others to know the reason for me and him not being friends anymore.how can i put it when it is so obvious that I break up with my gf and suddenly he and me has a problem? I can't help but try and protect someone whom i was best friends with before we went out and we went out for nearly 3 years.
A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r  +, writes (17 February 2007):
sorry but you cant say his friend isnt to blame. this man is no friend, it takes two people and they both knew what they were doing, these things dont 'just happen'. they both betrayed your trust and your respect and personally i wouldnt talk to either ever again.
its your choice to choose to forgive her and if you feel its right good on you, but you have to be honest with yourself. will the thoughts and images ever leave your head? will the doubt and suspicion ever go? it very rarely does and it eats away so you have to be certain.
i know id knock him out and walk away from both but its your life
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"hand" referred to sexual favour involving the hand. I thought about what happened and also what she did when she confessed. She basically told me everything, because she would like to be forgiven.I asked whether there was anything wrong with our relationship and she said there wasn't, only minor thing is when i close myself up when i am stressed but she can't think of anything else. I will try and forgive her but I am not sure what I am going to do when I see this friend of mine. I don't think that I will be able to let go of what he did.
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A
male
reader, Blue Rat +, writes (15 February 2007):
I'm sorry, but could you please tell me what a "hand in" is? (as in "he asked her for a hand-in, which she did) I don't know if that's a typo, or if it's an American slang term that I just don't know. I can hazard a guess, but I could be wrong, and it's important to understand the level of her cheating before offering any thoughts on the subject.Cheers
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (15 February 2007):
 You will have to take your time, dont set artificial limits and pressure yourself. Ultimately forgiveness is your call. It must hurt especially since it is a double betrayal. It's good you cant hate her though because hate rarely solves anything.
Basically you need to decide if you can forgive her. If you can then she needs to win back your trust and that will all take time. It is going to take an awful long time to forget and its going to be a long and hard road, for you and her, with the onus on her to win back the trust shes abused.
It's your call...either you forgive her or you don't. If you cant then maybe you would be better trying to repair the friendship side of what you had with her. If you want to work on the relationship then you need her to be honest about what was missing to make her stray, if indeed there was something missing. Hope that helps. Good luck.
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