A
female
age
36-40,
*arahguerino
writes:My bf wants to have a threesome with another girl! One of the reasons is because he says a wants to be with another every great once in a while, but is very much in love with me and wants to stay while me forever! We've been together for a year, and have amazing sex! What is wrong with him, if anything? Are most guys capable of being true and really loving someone, if they want sex from another? Should I maybe consider "swinging" to even it out? HELP!!!!!
View related questions:
threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): Don't worry, your not the only one!
My boyfriend wants a threesome too and it's starting putting me down alot now, i think our sex life is amazing but i keep thinking now i'm not good enough. I've tried alot to spice up our sex life, but i don't understand whats the big turn on about me playing with another girl? When i'm not lesbine?
I plan not to do it because he's MY boyfriend and sex should be between two poeple in my eyes, not three. Unless it's your cuppatea.
Just stand your ground hunny, thats all you can do. Just try and prove that sex with you is better than any sex he will have have with two girls.
Hope it helps!
Hannah-xx.
A
female
reader, MissJAlice  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 Hi There,
First of all theres really nothing wrong with threesomes, are you the jelous type?. Do you feel as though your boyfriend might find the other woman more attractive or he you think he might pay more attention to this other woman
Im a women, im eighteen and i have had threesomes in the past, one with my boyfriend and another man, which wasnt a good idea lol as it made my boyfriend jelous!.
But i have had threesomes in the past with a man and a girl,But if you are the jelous type theres really no point!
My boyfriend wont have one with me because he is the jelous type, but im not fussed.
If youre not the jelous type:
*. If he loves you and he wants to then go ahead and do it, its not like hes going to run off with the other woman.
Anyway, hope this helps,
xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): My boyfriend wants me to be with another woman while he watches. I don't want to do it because I don't like the idea of him lusting after another woman. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking of it now. I love him so much and I have considered it, but I told him the only way I'd be with another woman is if it was because I wanted to be and it felt right....not because he wanted me to be. The fact that he talks about it all the time is really turning me against it all together. In fact, I want to be with another woman while he's not there just to get back at him for being so persistent about the whole damn thing.
I am not going to do this threesome with him because it makes me feel like I'm not enough for him....and we have WONDERFUL sex! I'm the freakiest girl he's ever been with, but I'm not into bringing someone else in our bedroom--unless it's another guy! haha But even that would be risking what we have together, so it wouldn't be worth it to me to do it even though it's a fantasy of mine that I've always had. But, I know if I kept on bringing up wanting to be with another guy, then he would get pissed and probably feel the same way that I do when he brings up me being with another woman while he watches. YUCK! It makes me feel so dirty...like an object when he brings it up.
See, I respect him enough not to bring it up because I know that it would ruin our relationship. He knows that it's a fantasy of mine to be with 2 guys, but I don't keep bringing it up. He, on the other hand, will not drop the whole thing about me being with another woman while he watches. Ugh! It infuriates me! If he doesn't stop, I feel like it's going to possibly break us up or cause some MAJOR problems.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): Oh, this is almost funny but at the same time INFURIATING.... My boyfriend is a guy I dated 22 yrs ago but reconnected with recently. He never married in that time period that we were apart - but told me he thought of me a lot and never stopped loving me. So, for six months now, we've been going at it again; the sex was always hot and great and still is. What most of these bf's in this blog have in common w/each other (I can tell by reading) is that they're hot, sexual predators. Usually, not men who need viagra and they appear to have a lot of stamina - LOL! That said, they want to crank up their sex life a notch or two and often suggest threesomes (usually their gf w/her female friend).
My guy actually had me over at his house once (honest to God, this happened three months ago) and - while we were going at it in his bed in the dark; this woman who'd been hiding in his closet all along crept out and got into bed w/us! I freaked out!
Stop and think about this for a minute... What kind of woman must she be to be up for that adventure in the first place??? How does a guy bring this suggestion up to a female friend??? I laughed later on trying to imagine him conspiring with this total stranger whom I'd never met about how to blindside me w/an unexpected threesome!!! I was scared to death when this woman appeared! I then realized how insistant my bf had been lately about threesomes but I had just kept blowing it off. I also had to face the fact that this ruined our relationship 22 yrs. ago (his insistance on threesomes; not my compliance). I really read him the riot act that night and the girl had to go home. This was so embarrassing!!! I was FURIOUS at him so I stayed away for a few months and only resumed seeing him again a few weeks ago. NOW HE'S BACK TO THAT TOPIC AGAIN!!!! Now, here's the thing, he REALLY LOVES ME - even his mother told me that I'm the love of his life and he never got over me (I went on to marry someone else and had two children w/my husband - we're now seperated). Yada, yada, yada...
My bf did tell me that every long-term gf he's ever had was bisexual and he never touches the other woman when his gf is having sex w/her. He just likes to watch and he keeps telling me, "Trust me, I'll only love you more if you'll do that for me." Because I'm older now, I'm not as dismissive of these statements although I try to tell him how this idea does not excite me but only makes me annoyed by him. I encourage him to have these liasons w/other women, even, and I truly wouldn't care if I didn't have to know about it cuz I figure it would get him off my back about the topic and he'd get it out of his system. He seems deeply offended when I say this and keeps telling me, "No, I want to do that with you because I LOVE you!" (As if this is a sacred "gift" he's offering me???)
I've got to believe the one guy on this blog who tried to explain why men want this to happen but I still think that a "no" should end the topic once and for all, right?
I feel a bit responsible, though, in a way - I guess - because I used to allow fantasy talk while we were making love. Often, this involved other partners but I clearly let him know that this was just pillow talk. He won't stop pressuring me with the lame comments along the lines of, "How do you know you won't like it?" or "But It will make me love you more." (I haven't tried eatting live cockroaches before but somehow I just know that wouldn't appeal to my taste buds!) He truly whines about this as if he's offering me up a true testament of his love and this only confuses and hurts me more. BTW, I also tried telling him that we should include a well hung guy for him to have a tryst with instead and he actually said, "If that's what would make you happy, I'd do it for you!" So much for fighting fire with fire...
Enough said, I now have to approach his house w/trepidation every time I go over. I told him I'll be calling him first from now on and be waiting outside his house to make sure the "coast is clear" before I go inside!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): dont go along with it, either tell him you dont want to or if that doesnt go down well get rid of him, i think its just a case of cheating on you but with your permission.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): hey grils and guys ,
I am a 24/m and i can speak for most men , we all have thoughts of having a threesome there are some guys who may not have a threesome because there scared of how they think it could hurt there partner.
some men start thinking what you are all thinking "does he want me , why does he want other women am i not enough"
having the thrill of seeing your women kiss another women and the thought of watching how she would kiss you or touch you, is hot and the thought would put chills down a man and womens back,
maybe for women teaching a galfriend of yours how your man likes this and that and then instead of watching your friend do what You have teached.
Watch your mans Expression on his face on what you do cause all that time you may not get to see his facial expressions and now you do and get to see him.
You Must have Ground Rules :
If you lay rules down a man who loves you will not break them, a women is a mans heart and what he shares with his women is loving and caring and yours only.
Maybe a rule of not kissing passionatly cause thats something special you share together you both decide!
there will be a time where you both get experiemental and its just the call of variety that a individual wants to try , and you cant try to understand it
what it is to be a man ,
but if i was to explain it think of it like this , instead of him making love to you at home , maybe jumping you unexpectaly in a tight convinded space , like a change room, or a elevator something hot and spontanise.
Variety is the spice of life in everything!
Maybe some good communication and acting out of all the variety you can have with eachother before ventureing into having a third wheel.
writing out your variety ideas together as letters and giving them to each other.
Get a strong love and trust going. maybe do a tantra sex Getaway?
We dont love the other gals we dont want to make you feel like you will lose us or that we want to share are hearts with them cause we love you and we are only yours. We are ONLY URS
90% of us men will say no thats ok settle for what you want only,
men who ask have much more love for you then you know because he knows how to communicate to you , He knows you care how he is feeling and care about what his thoughts are.
Maybe if you think of his thoughts in a good way and not think something is wrong with yourself. He put you first by telling you how he feels RIGHT !
Maybe they want to see you totally pleasured. Or excite you more or spice things up for You Both.
Maybe teaming up with your best friend isn't a bad thing he wants to please you !
or maybe you and your partner teaming up to make your best friend not handle it, if you cant handle the attention on you.
Its the whole love and human connection everyone needs connection.
Its a human need.
when we were young did we all not like sports or playing games or Pe no matter who was playing.
i view the world of sex and attraction as playful connection with others.
and you and your partner choose the experiences and the connections you together as "One" want to have.
If its a situation where it will threaten the love that you have you both will not tollerate it and not get involved at all.
But i did not mention love cause caring compassion and intimatcy with candles loving hugs and embraces are for you and your partner ONLY and is to NEVER be Shared with ANYONE ELSE.
I believe it would bring huge coffidence its a great feeling in a mans mind to be the centre of attention and knowing his g/f will not allow anything bad to happen to him. and he is King of the castle king of the castle (borat)
If your at the stage where he is pushing say do what ever you want.
allow him to be who he is but if its not ur thing and your not keen to try it for your man then dont go beyond what your comfortable with.
Men act like Semen we produce thousands a day does a lion not mate with all the lioness's in a pride ? , women act like eggs it goes way back.
But the act of allowing people to be who they want to be and allowing yourself to be who you are regardless of them. is the key to life.
If its not gonna work move forward and find someone who allows you to be you dont change for anyone it will cause problems.
dont think theres anything wrong with your guys its how we are built.
If you have trust issues dont do a threesome unless you have worked through it cause someone will get jealous thinking u will leave one another and thats the last thing either of you want.
Dave 24
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): Hey, i know why your worried about it. Im in exactly the same place. I've been with my guy for around about a year and a half now an all of a sudden he tells me he wants to have a 3some, me, him, "my best mate". Our sex is great but now he wants this fantasy acted out. I considered it but have decided against it, i felt bad for saying no but i have noticed my mate has always flirted around him and im scared this would just make matters worse. i explained it to him and he was great about it. He told me if i wasn't into it then fine we wldnt. But now i have a feeling of dred that it might come up again in the future. Really its just your views on the matter. If you don't want to you have a right to say no, however much he begs and pleds. If you do decide to go ahead with it set grounds rulse and cross your fingers for no complecation feelings afterwards. All the best :) Good luck! xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): I think you have to go with your heart. Like some of the other people on this blog said, it's up to you. You have to be comfortable in wanting to do something like this if you've never done it before. I don't care what women say every female has thought about what it would be like to sleep with another female. I have. I haven't done it yet though!!! Will I? I don't know if the opportunity arose and I was feeling that person then yeah! Always make suggestions like that on your terms, and you set it up. Never let it come into your house. If you decide to do it a hotel and set ground rules. Like he has to wear a condom with the other girl. Or the only person he can actually penetrate is you, but he can touch the other girl and watch play with you while the other girl is playing with you as well. These are the types of things that makes this fantasy of his to your advantage. He never said he wanted to have sex. Threesomes can be anything you want them to be. Set it up at a hotel or something. If he loves you then he will play by your rules. If he doesn't then don't do it. A man would be happy just seeing two women playing with eachother. That's more where the fantasy comes from. He doesn't actually have to have sex with the other women. It's just the fact that there is another women in the room with him and you. I know I'm a sex expert. I get these questions all the time. I hope it works for you. Good Luck!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007): I did have a 3-some at my boyfriend's urging, but it was with him and his attractive male friend. It was a fantasy of mine and I thought that it would be fun to try. By no means do I consider myself a swinger. My boyfriend gets turned on watching me do stuff to our 3 some partner. We have had at least 5 more 3somes with him.
Now has come the time where he wants payback. He has said since I had my fun, it's his turn to have a 3 some with me and another girl. I am totally against this because I am too jealous of that. He says I am selfish. I don't have any friends that are into that behavior and he talks about it constantly.
What I am saying is don't get started with 3 somes. It always leads to something else whether its jealousy, lies, emotions, or just plain ruins relationships and trust.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): wel my boyfriend wants a threesome with me and one of my mates, i think it might be a stage they go though, i dont know if to go though it with him or to just leave it?
its reallyup to you how u feel! but dont let him force you in to anything your not ready for. i think its just the whole hes my boyfriend so stay off thing! do whatever you feel!
...............................
A
female
reader, sarahguerino +, writes (25 April 2007):
sarahguerino is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your input! It still hasn't happened and probably won't!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): My bf once asked me this and although I had no intention of having a threesome with a girl or boy I said yes. My bf S*** himself and soon forgot about it, and he has never brought the subject up again. I think that although most men would like to have a threesome, if push came to shove they wouldn't be able to go through with it especially if he really loved you and cared about your feelings.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): Don't do it! U will regret it trust me. Most women get hurt when they take part in a threesome, because whilst men can detach from the emotions of the act if they want to, women can't thats how it works, I am a woman and I know.
Threesomes are something that both men and women can fantasize about, it's nice thinking about all the attention, and men, bless them, and some men like to think that they are all sex gods too good to keep to one woman and capable of shagging 2 at once. But the reality is that someone gets left out, as its impossible for 1 man to make love to 2 women at once, even if it were, all that happens is that you, as u are romantically involved with this guy, you will still end up getting hurt. Imagine it, him shagging some other woman whilst ur sat on the bed watching twiddling ur thumbs. Sound like fun? I don't think so.
My boyfriend suggested a threesome jokingly once, and my response was well 'as long as the third person is a guy' that shut him up pretty fast. U could even jokingly say that sure.. u'll have a threesome, if u can have one with him and another bloke first lol actually don't he might be up for it! :O
But seriously, listen to me now, if your boyfriend loves u and really does want u forever like u say, then he will respect ur views and ur feelings and not make u feel like you are letting him down if you don't have a threesome. Trust me. If he gives u aggro over it and won't take no for an answer or threatens to leave then he is not worth ur love and the rest of ur life!! You are better than that and deserve someones respect!
Take care :)
x
...............................
A
male
reader, Blue Rat +, writes (23 April 2007):
I think my advice here is much the same as it would be for any other form of sexual activity (providing it's legal, that is!). Only do it if it's what you want to do.Some people have great relationships and fantastic sex lives with threesomes/swinging at the centre, but it's quite obviously not everyone's cup of tea. But you can only do this if you really want to - it's not the kind of thing you can do just for him. You're still quite young too (sorry, don't mean to sound patronising!) and this kind of sexual activity is very often something people only take to (if they take to it at all, that is) as they get older. Perhaps you're just not ready for it yet. Perhaps you will never want to do it. None of that really matters at this point though. Just be honest and say I'm sorry but I don't want to do it. You say you have amazing sex, so it's not as if he's missing out!Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): How would he feel if you said only if you could have a threesome with another man? The answer to this is don't do it, it is a very hurtful suggestion. Fantasies are one thing, but I don't for a minute think he would like it the other way around. If he wants other people every now and again he is not up to taking marriage vows. Do this to keep the peace and make him happy? Are you joking?
Everyone needs to feel secure and know that they can trust. He is making you feel that you can not. Sexual intimacy is heightened by being with a person you can trust and being open to trying lots of things. You don't want this, you are going to have to stamp hard on it. I would personally say NO, and that I don't want to every hear about it again. I would be asking him to make a decision about your relationship if he does not shut up, because if he wants to be able to be unfaithful every now again with your blessing he is being a greedy, selfish pig. Feisty enough for you?!
...............................
|
