A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for over 10 years now. My husband has this fantasy about having a threesome. I am deadset against it. He says that it burns a whole in his heart and it is something he is going to do, but he wants to do it with me. Will this ruin a already somewhat troubled marriage? Or could it help a somewhat sexually challenged marriage?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): go for it you might just surprise yourself how much you enjoy it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): Hun, ask yourself, do you really want to share him with someone else? No you don't, do you. If you are deadest against it, then he's not listening and this is a case of having a very, very selfish man in your life. You sound like you have a good head with some core values and ethical boundaries. Judging by your letter..your thoughts, your instincts and feelings are telling you a 'clear message' about the demise of your relationship, if you ever did agree to this. Listen to that message, this is not what you want, so stand your ground and be strong. You went into this relationship with the clear intent that you and this man are meant only for each other....exclusively. Learn from what he's doing and understand the message he's giving you. He wants your permission to 'boink" other women. No, don't allow this! Many long term married men/women, would never fathom such a thing in the sanctity of their marriage because they understand the importance of commitment, family bonds and boundaries. Threesomes can be painfully destructive to a marriage. You have said your marriage is somewhat unhappy? A threesome will put the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. Guaranteed!
Sometimes people, like yourself marry other people who can get complacent, lazy and forget to respect and honor their marriage. (is this your husband, perhaps?) Sometimes we marry people who are emotionally immature, who want only their needs fulfilled with no thought to the consequences. People, who are selfish who have no self-control. Self-control requires common sense, effort and sacrifice..three main components of marriage. Sacrifice/ efforts means always making time for each other, a high priority. So, if you don't want this threesome, you tell him and make sure he's listening. Don't pretend just to appease his ego because in this case, you would be giving up so much of your own values and beliefs, just to please a bored, self-serving husband. Please remember, his desire to getting his sexual needs met (no responsibilities, no obligations, just fantasy) has been pr oven, to destroy an alarming number of homes and marriages. So think this through, carefully. Stick to your guns and tell him the subject is closed and take some time to re-evaluate your relationship with this man. I wish you confidence in yourself and the strength not to put up with this. Good luck
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A
female
reader, NuttyGooner  +, writes (14 February 2007):
 Hi there!
I was cheekier in facing this question from my ex - I asked in return whether he would do a 2 bloke 3some and he was absolutely disgusted that I suggested it!
I explained that if he isn't comfortable with that idea, I won't push him into it, but in return he should respect my feelings about not going ahead with a 3some - as partners you should be equals!
If your husband is going to go ahead with it, whether you are there or not, he clearly shows no respect towards your feelings or concerns - and you mentioned that your marriage is already troubled - giving in to his unreasonable demands isn't going to repair it! If it is just sexually challenged, the last thing needed is another party involved - seek couselling, see a sex therapist, read some books (It's Valentine's day,there should be loads of manuals around!) or find other ways to spice up your marriage.
Good luck, and don't give in!
Nutty xxx
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A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (14 February 2007):
 Keeping this as a fantasy is fine but turning it into reality is something else.
You are obviously not happy with the idea of doin this so i would say don't, it could make you very resentful to your husband which would create more problems in the long run.
I would also say if your marriage is in trouble now this will not help. Talk to your husband and explain that you don't want to share what you have together with anyone else. Maybe try and think of something else you can do together in the bedroom, something you are both wanting to do that will give you lots of fun. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Blue Rat +, writes (14 February 2007):
Does he want a threesome with another woman or another man? You don't say.
I don't agree with Dr John AT ALL. And there's absolutely no need for any counselling for Heaven's sake. The man's not sick, he just has a very common sexual fantasy - and one that huge numbers of couples actually act out. It WON'T destroy your marriage, it doesn't have to drive a wedge, and it's a perfectly normal thing to feel like doing. Of course it's not everyone's idea of fun - nothing is everyone's idea of fun! We all have different sexual drivers and turn-ons, but this one is nothing to be scared of.
I think you should decide to do this, or not do it, because you want to (or not). Don't be influenced by pseudo-moralistic issues. And if your sex life and marriage are struggling as you say - then who knows, it could inject some real zest into it! But don't be pressurised into doing something you really do not want to do. If you can't do this, talk to him, understand why he finds it so appealing and perhaps look to explore alternative ways to spice things up for each other.
Good luck and have fun for goodness' sake!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): my ex boyfriend wanted to have a threesome with me because i had one before our realtionship started and he felt like he was missing out on something. i said no because i was worried he would look down upon me and that i would cause an issue in our relationship. things were rocky and it had potiential to make things even worse. after we broke up, he told me that if it had happened, he would have even less respect for me and that his thinking at the time wasn't reasonable. if your relationship is already on tough times, don't do something that can break it. your husband should have had his fantasy before you were married. if you are interested in it (meaning it is a fantasy of yours too) then why not try it. it could make your relationship better or it could make it worse. i would suggest trying to find couples that have done this and ask how it improved or made their relationship worse. untimately it is your decision and do what you think is best.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (14 February 2007):
 Don't you do it.
In cases where this situation comes up all it has done is drive a wedge into the relationship.
He is having exactly that, a fantasy. But the moment that fantasy becomes a reality it will destroy your marriage.
I have seen it before many times.
What can he possibly be thinking for wanting this.
What can you be thinking for considering it.
In my opinion you are on dangerous ground. You should speak to him about this and maybe even consider some kind of counseling to avert this behavior before it is too late.
Hope this helps. Doc.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (14 February 2007):
 The first rule when it comes to sex is never to do something you're not comfortable with. After all if you wanted to use a strap on and have anal sex with your husband and he didn't want to, you wouldn't push the issue would you? Moreover I'm guessing you wouldn't say that you were so desperate to do this that you were going to go do it with someone else. Your husband is showing you a complete lack of respect and you deserve better but it's possible he's just calling your bluff. Bottom line, if it makes you uncomfortable don't do it. It won't save your marriage, it'll just make you more insecure and make him try to push the boundaries even further.
CD
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