| Latest articles: Problems that might be faced by couples whose relationship started as an affair
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
7 May 2022: Since this is a problem website, I guess it's not unusual that we get a lot of posts about infidelity but over the past year or so we've had glut of posts asking about the perils faced by those who have begun their relationship as an affair. Thes...
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Awkward! Friend assumed I’d pay for her daughter’s art supplies but I never offered
Q. My friend lives in a village around a 40 minute drive from me. Last week she got in touch asking if I was free for a catch up as her daughter (who is 15) needed to come in to the town where I live to buy some art supplies. We arranged to meet up. ...
A. 6 June 2023: Although you did not explicitly state in your first text to your friend that you were offering to pay for the art supplies, I think it could easily have been interpreted that way.
You should reply to your friend with something like this.
... (read in full...)
Accusations of cheating following symptoms of an infection
Q. I have been with my partner for around 2 years. We are both homosexual men and throughout I firmly believe we have both been faithful and can 100% say I have. I'm stuck right now. Over the past few days my partner has developed symptoms of either a ...
A. 5 April 2023: So did all the results come in? How are things now? ... (read in full...)
Need advice no judgements about friend
Q. So I am looking for possible advice please. Not judgement. It's jsut been my birthday, and like people do. My fiend messaged me to wish me a happy birthday. This led to a conversation and ultimate led to us messaging in a sexual way. This has n...
A. 2 April 2023: "Surely you have to be a little attracted to someone to message them in a sexual manner. More than once?"
I used to think that. But it's a female perspective. When it comes to sexual matters, men think slightly differently. They are much better a... (read in full...)
I didj not get to see my father before he passed away
Q. A year on i am still struggling with pain and regret over my dad dying. he was in hospital for a month and i thought he was going to come out. i regret so much i never went to the hospital it kills me. i was living the other side of the coun...
A. 29 March 2023: I'm sorry for your loss.
Perhaps it's time to get some grief counselling.
Cruse are the UK's leading bereavement support charity. You can self-refer, they're free and it doesn't matter how long ago your bereavement occurred.
www.cruse.org.u... (read in full...)
Parter is making situations for us not to sleep together. I miss the cuddling
Q. My partner, who I've lived with for many years, has started supposedly joking around by preventing me from getting into bed with him at night. When I tuck our dog into bed, brush my teeth etc and then go to get into my side of the bed, he's ei...
A. 16 March 2023: Does your boyfriend pretend to be asleep when he's playing this "joke"? This is what I would do... Politely ask him to move. If he still pretends to be asleep,quietly slip back downstairs again and return with a couple of ice cubes. Then whip the ... (read in full...)
Wife gets spacey when I talk to her
Q. sometimes when i try to talk to my wife she pauses and looks out in space and say words that lead nowhere, can someone tell me if shes ok?...
A. 8 March 2023: No, we can't tell if she's okay. We have no idea whether her "zoning out" is due to boredom, tiredness, drugs, psychological issues or whether she is experiencing some seizure activity in her brain.
You don't give us any other informat... (read in full...)
Odd experience at a house viewing.
Q. I’m on here to see if anyone else has had odd experiences whilst viewing houses to buy? My fiancé and I are looking to buy our first property, so obviously we didn’t really know what to expect when viewing homes. None of our friends are home...
A. 4 March 2023: You must have heard of the British phrase "there's nowt as queer as folk". At some stage in our lives we're all going to meet people who seem odd or weird to us. It's just part of life. I've house-hunted twice (and sold a property once) a... (read in full...)
Girlfriend feels pain more than pleasure
Q. My girlfriend feels pain much more than pleasure while we're having sex which just makes it feel as if I'm doing something wrong. So to give you context, we started having sex last year in November. For all the while till last month or so, it was e...
A. 17 February 2023: This is a medical question which can't really be answered on this site. Your girlfriend should see a doctor.
It could be all sorts of things causing her discomfort.
And she's the only person who can tell you how she's feeling. ... (read in full...)
Has anyone else experienced this?
Q. Has anyone else resisted a mutual attraction to an in law for years only to end up having a weak moment and doing the forbidden? I have been married for over 15 years and have two kids that are young adults. My marriage has been good a majority of ...
A. 16 February 2023: Why are you posting? The only question you ask is whether anyone else has done similar.
If you're just wanting to hear other people's dirty stories, then I think you're posting in the wrong place. We're a pretty straight-laced bunch here these da... (read in full...)
Unfriendly neighbor says hello after a year of avoiding me?
Q. The woman living next to me is the most confusing human I've encountered! When she moved in, I made sure to say hello, in passing, but she ignored me. Another time, I went to wave as she drove up her driveway, and she turned her head in the oppo...
A. 14 February 2023: Yeah, I'd agree with the others that have answered your question. My guess would be that your neighbour was going through some personal stuff when she first moved in and found interacting with people she didn't know too stressful or too ... (read in full...)
My friend won’t accept no for an answer over a particular situation.
Q. ? ? So this is a really odd scenario. When I was 13 my parents built a granny annex next to our house - it was for my grandmother to live in after my grandad died- when she also passed away my sister and I had sleepovers in it and we have l...
A. 7 February 2023: Well, I guess if you don't ask you don't get. Your friend lives in hope...
But it sounds like you and she aren't really friends any more so I can understand your annoyance if she only contacts you to ask if she can rent the property.
If you'... (read in full...)
Why is my ex reaching out after so long?
Q. I dated this guy about three years ago. We had a great relationship when we were together, however, he kept going back and fourth between me and his ex whom he has a young son with and I was caught in the middle. It was a toxic cycle that I finally ...
A. 7 February 2023: I don't think he wants either. I think he's looking to fill a temporary void in his life. He's probably just broken up with someone or something like that. He's feeling a bit low and a good flirt (or whatever) fills that void for a bit.
It so... (read in full...)
What happens at bachelor's parties?
Q. What happens at bachelor's parties? My wife has been asked to be the stripper for a friend of someone she knows. It's suppose to take place in March and she says it sounds exciting, but I need to hear what others think about it, before I give her ...
A. 7 February 2023: I agree with CMMP. If your wife is already a stripper and she's going to get paid, I can't really see a problem.
Officially patrons usually not supposed to touch the stripper but we all know that it happens sometimes .... Sometimes consensu... (read in full...)
Husband has unhealthy relationship with his friend
Q. Dear cupid I think my husband has unhealthy relation with his friend. Let me explain this, this friend of his is a childhood friend and they connected only few months back when his friends mom died and from that time my husband almost spends hi...
A. 7 February 2023: A question for you first... How long has your marriage been suffering? Since he reconnected with this new friend or did you have issues before that? ... (read in full...)
Complicated flirting situation, really need advice!!!
Q. I really need some advice here because I have no one to talk to about this. I have a very strong crush and I think he feels the same way but I just can't be sure. He flirts with me a lot, or at least it seems that way to me. The last time I...
A. 21 January 2023: I agree with the others. You don't really know much about him. He might be married...
This post made me a bit angry actually. Being in a medically orientated profession myself - it's really inappropriate for any Dr to behave like this with a p... (read in full...)
Online dating problem
Q. I joined a dating site to talk to women as I’m single, a girl messaged me who liked my profile, got in touch. we had many things in common and talk every day. since then, I’ve been having doubts, as many people lie on dating sites about their age. ...
A. 12 January 2023: Did she send you any "sexy" pictures (whether clothed or unclothed)? If she did get rid of them immediately. You shouldn't keep them if you suspect her to be under 18.
Sure, do a reverse image search as HoneyPie suggests to see if she pops up ... (read in full...)
Need ideas to sexually embarrass my sister in law without being creepy.
Q. My sister just got me a mankini with bells and a rednose on the kini part. So in trying to get her back, I want some ideas to embarrass her but not come off creepy. backstory, the family has been together forever and never has been any sexually ...
A. 28 December 2022: Buy her one of those comedy "naked" aprons. An apron is always a bit of an insulting choice as it assumes that women do all the cooking. Or you could buy one for her husband as well and they can be naked chefs together....... (read in full...)
Pimples 2
Q. This might sound gross to y’all but whatever. So basically I have a hard pimple(pustule) directly on my clit under the hood of it and it won’t go away.. it’s been a year and a half since I noticed it. Not only is it there, but was embarrassing as ...
A. 15 December 2022: I've had acne of the nether regions but I've got to agree with HoneyPie - it doesn't sound like a pustule.
If it was, it wouldn't have stayed the same for 18 months.(It would have got larger.) And it would be painful and/or itchy. Has it looked/f... (read in full...)
I want my mom to stop talking to me she has a mental illness
Q. My mom she loves coming into the basement irritating me and threatening me and I don't want her coming to the basement I don't want her talking to me she has a mental illness and she doesn't want to admit to anybody she has one. ...
A. 3 December 2022: If it's your mother's house the only option you have is to move out. Is there a reason you're living with her in your 40s?... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my wife's increasing quirks?
Q. I am a 49 year old man who has been with my wife for 30 years, married for 21. She is a couple of years older than I am. My problem is that over the years she has developed an ever increasing set of quirks. I might even call some of her behaviors ...
A. 20 September 2022: Well, I kind of agree with the two other aunties in that she could do with a medical evaluation of some sort but it's nearly impossible to force someone to do this if they don't want to. Especially if they don't think they have a problem.
You c... (read in full...)
Does it mean he doesn't like me?
Q. I am going out on a date with a guy for a month now, but on the dating app to other girl he was saying he is great in bed, he has a huge dick, he is very good in bed, experienced and was flirting with her left and right, and said that he wants to ...
A. 17 August 2022: This guy sounds like a classic player who's just after sex with as many women as possible.
Accomplished players vary their approach according to the type of women they're trying to get into bed.
Since you've told him you're inexperienced he... (read in full...)
Partner does not listen or help during medical emergencies
Q. I am 65 and my guy is 68. In many ways he is very sensible, calm, wise, reliable and everything I could wish for. But I have an illness and sometimes it is necessary to ring for an ambulance urgently because I struggle to breath at those times. He ...
A. 12 August 2022: Can you type during these episodes? People who are deaf and/or non-verbal contact the emergency services this way. And I'm pretty sure it's a service anyone can use - I don't think you have to prove you have any disability to use it. ... (read in full...)
Partner does not listen or help during medical emergencies
Q. I am 65 and my guy is 68. In many ways he is very sensible, calm, wise, reliable and everything I could wish for. But I have an illness and sometimes it is necessary to ring for an ambulance urgently because I struggle to breath at those times. He ...
A. 8 August 2022: Hi,
I tried to answer you before but my answer still hasn't been published so I'll try again.
Ask your doctors how they would expect a single person with a similar condition to yours to call for help.
A former colleague of mine who ha... (read in full...)
Partner does not listen or help during medical emergencies
Q. I am 65 and my guy is 68. In many ways he is very sensible, calm, wise, reliable and everything I could wish for. But I have an illness and sometimes it is necessary to ring for an ambulance urgently because I struggle to breath at those times. He ...
A. 5 August 2022: Talk to the people who are managing your condition in the community (probably your GP) and discuss the situation with them. Ask them how a single person with your condition would be expected to call for help.
A former colleague of mine with ver... (read in full...)
Too old to have an exciting life?
Q. Hey, I am looking for some reassurance, really. I am turning 30 this year and going through a divorce. I have been panicking a lot about this and feel like I’m now too old to live an exciting life and go out on dates etc. I have never really been ...
A. 15 June 2022: Well, I've never been married but my engagement broke down when I was about the same age as you. I also worried about how I was going to cope being a singleton again and how I was going to manage maintaining a home on my own (which is something I'd ... (read in full...)
I don't want my step-mother at my graduation
Q. Hello, thank you for taking the time to read my question. I am 24 years old, I'm graduating from university in the Summer. I'm only allowed two tickets for each parent at the ceremony, so I'm inviting my father and my mother. My Father and I...
A. 13 June 2022: (Pressed "send" too soon.) I'd suggest a quick(ish) drink or coffee&cake with your dad and his wife if she insists on coming.
And then a more leisurely evening meal with your mum and her partner. ... (read in full...)
I don't want my step-mother at my graduation
Q. Hello, thank you for taking the time to read my question. I am 24 years old, I'm graduating from university in the Summer. I'm only allowed two tickets for each parent at the ceremony, so I'm inviting my father and my mother. My Father and I...
A. 13 June 2022: Have two different celebrations after the graduation. Or perhaps one beforehand? (I don't know what time they usually start.) ... (read in full...)
This new guy told me about his 'crazy' former FWB
Q. Hello, I've been talking to this man for months and we both like each other's. However, he never talked about taking the relationship to the next level, although he spends hours with me talking non stop, watch a movie together, and I do feel the...
A. 10 June 2022: It might be a red flag if he'd had several girlfriends or FWBs which he described as crazy and obsessive - but if it's just this one girl from his past then it's probably nothing to worry about.
And I don't think it's necessarily a red flag tha... (read in full...)
My husband had an affair with the nurse
Q. Hello. I come to you needing help. Hurting after learning of husband's affair with nurse who was involved with our son when he went into hospital with COVID-19. Our son's only eight years old. I found out he'd been meeting this nurse in a ...
A. 9 June 2022: This is an American nurse... The NMC has nothing to do with it... (read in full...)
Can't get out of this relationship with a married man
Q. Please don’t reiterate how stupid I was to not see the signs, not know the obvious - I did see some signs, some uneasy feelings, but I chose to ignore them. I was able to find an excuse for everything. And now I can’t get out. We met two year...
A. 9 June 2022: Of course you can leave - you just don't want to.
But you know you can't stay in a relationship with someone who has lied consistently and persistently for 2 whole years.
Now, I've never had an affair with a married man but I have experienced... (read in full...)
I don't want any part of their wedding
Q. I am a 27 year old woman who comes from divorced parents who are still toxic towards each other until this day. My older brother is getting married to a woman who is bipolar, has blackout rage and abuses substances. (This is not an opinion, she ...
A. 9 June 2022: When's the actual wedding? I've got an idea that might work but it would depend on when the big day is...
I'm also surprised that you've been asked to be bridesmaid when the fiancee dislikes you so much ... (read in full...)
My friend's wife tricked me via online dating
Q. Hi there. Been online dating now and then 3-4 times over the past 5 years, it's been very hit and miss, until recently. Only 3-4 times it worked out, relationships were short-term but I was OK with that. I wasn't there for hookup culture. I met a g...
A. 9 June 2022: I know you were hopping mad but didn't you ask her at the time why she'd catfished you?
And I'm surprised you think that she'd do something like this because she has feelings for you... Unless you mean feelings of hatred and contempt... because ... (read in full...)
The man my friend just married is already married!
Q. Went to a friend's wedding a few weeks ago. It was good and a nice small one. I met her boyfriend about 3 years ago at a meal with friends, he seemed like a nice guy. We all got on well with him. He was an American who'd been living here ...
A. 8 June 2022: I'd give the woodfired pizza a miss... There's bound to be a scene
I expect the husband's other wife will burst in on them and announce the truth.
Something very similar happened to another poster recently when they ate at a woodfired pizza ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated on me with an acquaintance of mine
Q. Hi, My boyfriend (G) cheated on me with a girl he knew i know (O). Four weeks back, G and i went out clubbing and we met O at the club. We said hi to her and went on having fun together and doing PDA. On our way back, O took me aside and asked ...
A. 8 June 2022: Dump his sorry ass. ... (read in full...)
Our son has become addicted to gaming
Q. My 18-year-old son has recently got addicted to gaming. Well, it started when he was 16 and the pandemic began. WoW and Fortnite, he spent hours on them. We cut him off and blocked them at router level now and then while he was still a minor ...
A. 8 June 2022: It's totally normal to have concerns and fears for your adult child but there's not much you can do about it...
He's an adult now and he can choose to live his life the way he sees fit. Even if other people think it's a mistake.
Leave the com... (read in full...)
How to spot trolls
Q. How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
A. 8 June 2022: 16) Trolly likes the word "humdrum" and occasionally the word "mundane". (Rather like his/her posts are becoming.)
17) Obsessed by Covid. I know it's something that affected everybody worldwide but Trolly has to weave Covid SOMEWHERE into their na... (read in full...)
Moved in with boyfriend and struggling to adjust
Q. Hey all, As the title suggests, I have recently moved in with boyfriend the other week and I am just really struggling to adapt to it. I lived with my parents, paid them money every month for keep's money but I have always been really independ...
A. 8 June 2022: I sympathise with you (I hate early mornings) but I do agree with the anonymous poster that this is something that you should have considered before you moved in.
I think you should do what Kenny advises and live with your parents Monday evening ... (read in full...)
My husband and I need help with his 80 year old mother
Q. Hi guys, My husband and I are writing this together. It's about his mum - my MIL. We all get along fine and we take care of her (she's 80 years old), but we live in different countries and the pandemic has drastically changed her life. Before s...
A. 8 June 2022: You're welcome.
I still think your mother probably has dementia though - it's just not at the stage where it would show up on brain scan.
The dog idea is good if she likes dogs. You could also enroll her in dog training classes.
And ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to refuse to meet him at a hotel?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, Ive been with this guy for 2 months now. Since we met, we always saw each other at my place. Since he doesn't live alone, it was convenient for both of us because of privacy. 7 days ago, we got into a heated argument that mad...
A. 8 June 2022: Sorry, did I miss something because I can't see how this is all his fault. You don't say what the argument was about but I'd be pretty pissed off with someone who threw me out at 3am.
If you really want this relationship to work I think you shou... (read in full...)
My husband wants to leave me for the nurse
Q. Hello there. I'm a British woman who's 37 and been wed for 6 years now. Only just found out my husband has been in an affair with an NHS nurse who works at our local hospital, the affair went on for the past 3 years, began at Christmas the ye...
A. 8 June 2022: If you're genuinely not a troll, make an account and PM me. I can tell you about the NMC process, what might be involved and where you can get additional support from etc etc.(I know a lot about it.)
This post is very Trollyesque so I will onl... (read in full...)
My husband and I need help with his 80 year old mother
Q. Hi guys, My husband and I are writing this together. It's about his mum - my MIL. We all get along fine and we take care of her (she's 80 years old), but we live in different countries and the pandemic has drastically changed her life. Before s...
A. 8 June 2022: Firstly, are you SURE your mother doesn't have a dementia? Has she been tested? Dementia can be quite hard to spot in the early stages if people expect memory and confusion to be the only signs. Some dementias first manifest as odd behaviour (such ... (read in full...)
My husband had an affair with the nurse
Q. Hello. I come to you needing help. Hurting after learning of husband's affair with nurse who was involved with our son when he went into hospital with COVID-19. Our son's only eight years old. I found out he'd been meeting this nurse in a ...
A. 8 June 2022: Well I can't speak for American nurses but this would be considered completely unethical in the UK and a nurse could be struck off the nursing register for this.
So check out the code of professional conduct for nurses in your State and see if t... (read in full...)
How to spot trolls
Q. How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
A. 27 May 2022: Apparently some of our posts are very similar in writing style because they have been ghostwritten. I've just received a PM from this ghostwriter who says that clients pay nearly $100 to have questions ghostwritten for them. I wonder if these ... (read in full...)
How to spot trolls
Q. How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
A. 25 April 2022: 14) Trolly is often very precise with dates. They met their partner in 2012, got engaged in 2015, married in 2019, got made redundant in 2020 etc etc... The year 2012 seems to hold special significance for them.
15) Trolly often describes his/her ... (read in full...)
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