A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The woman living next to me is the most confusing human I've encountered! When she moved in, I made sure to say hello, in passing, but she ignored me. Another time, I went to wave as she drove up her driveway, and she turned her head in the opposite direction until she was past me.If I'm walking down the street and she comes down her driveway and sees me, she quickly changes direction, turns around and walks the other way. I'm a sensitive person, so when these things happened, I did feel hurt.Anyway, today she actually purposely caught my attention over the fence to say hello and ask how I was.. after a year of doing everything she could to avoid me. I said hello but I think I was too busy picking my jaw up off the ground to say much else. I've been treated like I have ebola, for a year. Can you explain this behavior?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2023): Yes, sometimes people are like that, because sometimes people pretend to be friendly; only to make you let your guard down. They are nosey and intrusive, and she has probably learned to know you're sincere; before she accepted your extended hand of neighborly friendship.
Don't presume to know what people are going through in their lives. You only see the surface, or what they want you to see. She may have been in a very precarious or troublesome situation at the time; and felt it safer to keep prying inquisitive eyes and ears at a reasonable distance. The reality is, some people become friendly on their own terms and in their own time. Some will never be friendly, and will always ignore and avoid you.
She is friendly now. Pick your jaw up, and return the cordiality and courtesy. She might have had some abuse in her relationship, she may have had some personal issues to overcome; and she may have been told some unflattering things about you from the previous homeowner, or someone in your neighborhood who doesn't like you.
Forget the past, and deal with the present.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (14 February 2023):
 I totally get that that sort of behaviour can feel personal and hurtful. However, you need to remember that it is usually not about YOU (a stranger who she has no reason to dislike) but about the other person. She is human. She has stuff going on. Perhaps she is now coming through the other side of whatever was bothering her.
Next time you see her, be prepared to acknowledge her and make small talk. You never know; it could lead to a friendship.
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A
female
reader, RitaBrown +, writes (14 February 2023):
Yeah, I'd agree with the others that have answered your question. My guess would be that your neighbour was going through some personal stuff when she first moved in and found interacting with people she didn't know too stressful or too overwhelming. Now she's starting to feel better...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 February 2023):
 It seems a lot of people lost their social skills with Covid, seriously.
It's not as common as it used to be to know your neighbors.
Who she chose to snub you for a year, who knows? Maybe life was bad for her (for whatever reason) and now life is better.
Don't take it personally if someone doesn't want to say hello.
Now you can choose how much you want to engage. It's up to you (and her). But I wouldn't hold it against her. Because what's the point?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2023): I live in a very big house, so do my neighbours. Been here 25 years. There are people in my road who live opposite I've never spoken to, not one word. Why? Because most people work full time, they are either out working or in their home. If they are outside it is just for a few minutes to get in and out of their car and no longer. We have a new neighbour across the road to us now, been there for three months. If you walk over to say hi he has got in the car and driven off, or got out the car and gone indoors before you can get there. That does not work. Sometimes people are not necessarily rude or unfriendly. They may be depressed, they may have things on their mind, they may be thinking they are out to do this and that and happy to go indoors again then as quick as possible because it is cold or they have to make a phone call or check the dinner.I have a neighbour who lives next door to me who was far too friendly when she first moved here. She is old, on her own, and hates being alone. She gets busy with family and stuff when she can but on the days there is none of this she was forever turning up on my doorstep with excuses to stand there for ages going on. We call her the prophet of doom because most of her chat - she just wants to go on while you listen - is about all the people she knows who are ill, dying, in hospital, just died etc. My partner avoids her as much as he can as it is so boring and depressing and we don't even know these people.I am friendly but I am also a busy person and like to be selective about who I spend my time with. When she kept coming over to go on I politely said to her Leslie, please don't take this wrong, it would be good to have a chat when I have some spare time, but during the day I am usually too busy working and have appointments with clients etc. Her face dropped and she backed off. Then she tried it with my partner and got same with him. He was either off to work or just back to work and wanting to come into me and a cup of coffee rather than stand there for 30 mins listening to her latest monologue.Yet she is a nice lady. When she heard I was ill she phoned to ask if we needed any shopping etc. That was very kind of her. My partner could have gone to get it, but she didnt see it like that. Of course she was bored and lonely that day and wanted an excuse to come over - I am not naive I do realise that - but it was kind.When I felt better and able to go out again I said to her it would be nice to arrange to meet up regularly - going for a meal somewhere nice. The last thing I wanted was for her to come over here where I knew that she would stay all day then if she could. The meals work out just fine, we are there for an hour and half to two hours, which is a nice amount of time. And because we are also having a meal together it takes the focus off of her going on about illnesses and death.One of the reasons we arrange to meet up with her for lunch on certain days is because otherwise we would never normally bump into her. She gets out and gets in her car and drives off. Or she comes home and gets out of the car and goes in. Same as us. Unless she had come to the door we would not have met her.We have other neighbours who are just opposite we have only spoken to once or twice for a few words. Every area and person is different.We put a christmas card through the letter box of everyone in our road each year, we get back a few but most dont.People with a busy family seem to wrap themselves up and that a lot and dont need others. People who work full time are not so fussed either.Don't take it personally. If you have never spoken to her she can't know you well enough to decide about you anyway.
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