A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really need some advice here because I have no one to talk to about this. I have a very strong crush and I think he feels the same way but I just can't be sure. He flirts with me a lot, or at least it seems that way to me.The last time I saw him he told me I was beautiful three times. He couldn't stop complimenting my appearance. He complimented my clothes and my shoes and the shape I was in. The time before, he was touching me a lot. He touched his feet to mine, came very close into my space. He has said things like "I enjoy your company" and just, it's hard to explain, but there has been a bit of innuendo here and there. He has told me about going to the gym after work, (one time he even said I should "go to the gym alone" although of course I don't know what gym he belongs to), said he shares hobbies with me, told me about how he spends his free time (what sport he plays, etc.)There are soo many things I'm not even saying because it's just too many to list. Lots of flirty touching, lots of compliments. Imagine being on the receiving end of this: https://ibb.co/cD31f1DI am too shy to flirt much, but I stared at him for 8 seconds or so and he never broke eye contact. I have tried to say and do flirty things back. He started giving me hugs and one time he cupped my face gently in his hand for no real reason. It felt VERY intimate.The thing is, I am pretty sure we both have pretty strong feelings for each other but it's just hard to know what to do because there is one important detail. He is my medical doctor.I don't feel like I can ask him out. (I feel more comfortable with the guy doing this anyway.) And as much as he has hinted, I don't think he feels like he can ask me out. So, it's sort of stuck in the flirting stage. He has even opened up to me, telling me that he'd been having some personal problems and telling me about his family, etc. One time he hugged me and said he wanted a cuddle because he needed comfort. (I am not joking).Based on what I have said, is there any way I am imagining all of this? What do you think he is feeling towards me, and what should I do?I care about him a great deal. If he likes me, well, the feelings are 100% mutual. I just don't know what to do but I am very shy. Can you give me your honest thoughts and advice? I just can't talk to my friends about this. It's too embarassing. Also, please be kind. This is a real situation, everything I have said is true and like I said, I left out a lot of stuff.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2023): "He is my medical doctor."
Oh, really?!!
Like Honeypie, I missed this; because you strategically slipped it in after a long-winded description of how he's so taken with you.
We get hundreds of these types of posts about doctors or personal-trainers. Personally, I don't think most women pay any attention to our advice regarding doctors making inappropriate passes; because they want to snag themselves a doctor, or a hot-bodied personal-trainer.
Your doctor's behavior is unethical, inappropriate, and he's likely doing the very same to several female-patients; because so many ladies will allow a "doctor" to getaway with more than the average guy would. Wealthy-men, trainers, and doctors might get a pass; where any other guy would be reported for harassment, if not slapped into next week!
I doubt you'll listen to any advice that says his behavior is inappropriate; not after what you've written about him, and how you feel about him. You've already decided it's fine with you; maybe until something goes wrong, or you find out he does this with other female-patients. Usually that's when these guys get sued.
He has already violated all sorts of doctor/patient ethical-restrictions; but he's probably clever enough to know how to cover his butt. He can always say she was fine with it, and it went-on for several visits; or claim you misinterpreted his friendly "bedside manner."
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2023): I was dubious about his behaviour when I first started reading your post and then when I learned he's your doctor??!!I'm in my sixties and I was naive about men who behave this way for longer than I should have been, but I've got their measure now. His behaviour consists of classic player moves. No actual concrete communication that you can build on, but just a load of flirting and eye contact etc. hoping that you will give him a sign that you want sex too. And I believe very strongly that sex is what this is about. Not some deep meaningful relationship where you get to know each other. Just sex. This kind of empty seduction is bad enough, but to learn that he is in the role of your doctor!! He should behave accordingly with the trust placed in him to deal with your most intimate problems. He is most certainly not meant to take advantage of this trust to try to seduce his pretty female patients. So this further cements my negative view of him and tells me that he has no decent morals. He most certainly should not use this position of trust to flirt with attractive and may I say naive, women such as yourself, giving you a sob story about his home life etc etc in the hope of a quick roll in the hay. How many other women does he try this on with? You have no way of knowing. Compliments and extended eye contact mean nothing except trying to find out if he can bed you. Sure he likes you, sure he finds you attractive, but once you've had sex with him, I believe things will change. Or you will be cast as his woman on the side.I'm sorry to be negative about these feelings that you have for this man. I remember being convinced that everyone else was wrong when I was thinking along the same lines about a man as you are now and I'm afraid it was me who was wrong. This kind of seduction technique just seems so obvious now and so obviously about sex. I may be wrong of course, but a married man (if he is) who behaves this way behind his wife's back and then cuddles pretty female patients for comfort with sex as the end game, makes all kinds of alarm bells sound.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 January 2023):
 Oh, I so missed the ". He is my medical doctor."
That is absolutely frigging INAPPROPRIATE!!
You should definitely switch doctors!
This is SEXUAL harassment! Even if you find him attractive.
No wonder I got the "uncomfortable vibe" but it's beyond that. It's CREEPY for a medical doctor to hit on his patients!
I BET he is married.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2023): You won't come right-out and say it, but I strongly suspect the guy is a coworker.
If he's cupping your face in his hands, practically groping you, and calling you beautiful, why is it so dang hard to ask you out?
Being a guy myself, your description of his moves and his whole game is sappy, and somewhat corny. Telling you how beautiful you are, so-on an so-forth. You're not all that shy, because you let him put his hands on you. Lady, you're in your 30's, not some shy teenage-girl. If he is a co-worker, his behavior is inappropriate when at work.
Ask 'him' out. Shortly thereafter, I guarantee he'll be expecting sex. I just can't see a man so forward with the touching and cheesy compliments; yet so cautious about asking you out. Everything you've described that he does usually gets eyerolls. Just saying.
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A
female
reader, RitaBrown  +, writes (21 January 2023):
I agree with the others. You don't really know much about him. He might be married...
This post made me a bit angry actually. Being in a medically orientated profession myself - it's really inappropriate for any Dr to behave like this with a patient, especially during consultation times.
Now Dr's are only human and I guess some of them will genuinely fall for a patient but somehow I don't think it's the case here.
Here's what I think you should do. Switch doctors. Find another doctor and write a formal letter or email to your current doctor. Say that you are leaving his practice and ask for any pertinent medical records to be sent on to the new one. Thank him for his support but do not give a reason for leaving. Make sure your contact details are included in the letter.
If this doctor has genuinely fallen for you he will probably contact you. He doesn't sound like a shy person and you leaving his practice effectively removes any ethical barrier to him dating you.
If he doesn't contact you (or his only subsequent contact is very formal). Then you'll have your answer - he isn't genuinely interested.
And on top of that, you won't have to have consultations which leave you feeling confused and embarrassed. And then you can move on from your crush in your own time (which is hard to do if you keep having to see the object of your affections)
So that's my serious advice. Let us know what you decide.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (21 January 2023):
 You don't say in what sort of situations these things are happening.
If he is your medical doctor and all this is happening at the practice then i will say leave it and keep things professional, and that also being the professional he is he should know better.
For a medical doctor he does not seem all that professional to me, all sounds like a late teen crush, and i am sure being the doctor he is he would surely just tell you he likes you rather than all the compliments and gestures.
You say the last time you saw him he told you that you were beautiful three times, i really don't think that you would say that to someone if you diden't like them.
But really you know nothing about him, you don't even know which gym he belongs, which makes me think you see him when you go to the doctors on a professional basis, which if that the case then he is really playing with fire, because he could potentially get struck off for what he is doing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 January 2023):
To me, this seems "too much" - like love bombing. I'd be so uncomfortable!
But You don't describe in what situations he does all these things.
Is this guy single? For sure?
Or could he be married and testing YOUR boundaries for being a side chick?
You write :" I just can't talk to my friends about this. It's too embarrassing. "
Why not?! Why is it embarrassing?
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