A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend lives in a village around a 40 minute drive from me. Last week she got in touch asking if I was free for a catch up as her daughter (who is 15) needed to come in to the town where I live to buy some art supplies. We arranged to meet up.On Friday my friend texted me to tell me she would need to cancel our meet up as she had to work. She also went on to say that her daughter was annoyed as she needed her supplies and didn’t want to go to town on her own.I offered to meet her daughter at the bus station (as I don’t drive) and walk in to town with her so she could get her art stuff. My friend was really grateful.On Saturday i met her daughter and we spent ages in this shop getting all her stuff. When it came to paying her daughter just stood there looking at me and said “mum said you were paying” I was shocked as I never offered to pay- but there was a huge queue behind me and the lady at the till looked impatient, so I paid, it was £56.I then took her back to bus station and left.I texted my friend to tell her that her daughter got her supplies and was on the bus back home. I was going to see what she said before telling her about the misunderstanding about me paying. My friend replied “thanks for doing that, money is tight so we really appreciate it”The thing is I can’t afford to be £56 out of pocket. I never offered to pay for it and I feel bad having to tell her. I’ve gone over the texts to see if I in anyway indicated I would pay. My text said this:“I’m happy to meet her at the bus station and take her to get her supplies”My friend replied: “ are you sure, I can’t ask you to do that”I replied: “that’s fine, it’s no problem, let me know what time she will get in to the bus station” So here are my questions;1. Did it state in my text in any was that I would pay for her stuff?2. How can I tell my friend this was all a misunderstanding and I can’t afford to be out of pocket £56?
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female
reader, malvern +, writes (11 June 2023):
 It looks like you may have lost that money for good. Whether you tell your friend or not depends on whether you want to risk losing her friendship or not. It has either been a misunderstanding on her part, or she sees you as an easy touch. At least you now know to be on your guard with her.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 June 2023):
 You simply tell her what you told us. You were not expecting to pay for her purchases just to escort her for safety and ease of travel. Tell her you simply can't afford to fund her art supplies.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 June 2023):
You simply tell her what you told us. You were not expecting to pay for her purchases just to escort her for safety and ease of travel. Tell her you simply can't afford to fund her art supplies.
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A
female
reader, RitaBrown +, writes (6 June 2023):
Although you did not explicitly state in your first text to your friend that you were offering to pay for the art supplies, I think it could easily have been interpreted that way.
You should reply to your friend with something like this.
"Hi Sue, there appears to have been a misunderstanding. When I offered to take Megan to buy her art supplies, I wasn't actually offering to pay for them as well. I'm sorry for not having made that clear."
Then let us know how she responds and we'll advise you further
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2023): You have never said anything about buying stuff for her kid.
Unfortunately, she either read what she wanted to believe or she is pressuring you. Only you know what it could be.
I'd go straight to the center and say that I would have liked to be able to pay £56 for her daughter's art supplies, but that unfortunately it isn't the case and that moneywise it was a misunedrstanding.
She was ready to pay for her daughter before she decided not to come. So she must have that kind of money.
I find it weird that she would assume such a thing after redaing your text and taht she would send her kid with no money.
Also, her saying "money is tight" coule be read as manipulative.
Again. Only you can tell.
I would have called to check BEFORE paying if she was OK with the bill. But I have already hjad some experience with friends expecting me to pay for them, so I learned my lesson.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2023): Your friend is taking the mickey - not so sure she really is a friend. Would not put it past her to have planned all along to get you to meet the daughter without her so that you end up paying. You are too polite for your own good, and naive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2023): Hhhmm I smell a rat.
It appears to me that your friend took the mic out of you here good style. She left you in a very difficult position and I suspect very purposefully.
Since she had the brass kneck to leave you to pay, you need to be frank and tell her you did not expect to have to pay since this is HER child and it is HER responsibility to provide for her child.
You need to tell her that you cannot afford the £56 and she needs to pay you back. I would like to think she will be suitably embarrased however I suspect not. She sounds like a coniving one to me.
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