A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hey all,As the title suggests, I have recently moved in with boyfriend the other week and I am just really struggling to adapt to it. I lived with my parents, paid them money every month for keep's money but I have always been really independent. I think it is just the sudden change and the fact that I have moved nearly an hour away from my family, friends and work as they are all in a different city.I am having to get up even earlier than normal to get to and from work. Normally 6am, but now just after 5am to get the train in which is costing me nearly £12 every day. I have a railcard but I can't use it until after 10am. So, it is already starting to add up. By the time I come in, I am rushing around trying to get ready for the next day as well as walk his dog this week as he is away on a stag do abroad, make myself dinner and shower.He has been looking at another house, but again, it is even deeper in the town he lives in where he does not have to travel much extra for work, see his family and even closer to some of his friends. I think I should speak to him and maybe see if we can move somewhere that is a bit closer for me; an equal journey for us both. Am I in the wrong for wanting to look elsewhere to make it a bit easier for me? It would make the journey a little cheaper and quicker for us both if we both decide to take the train and it also means that I am not an hour drive away from my family and friends.I have been feeling so low about it and even contemplated moving back in with my parents because I am struggling, mentally and emotionally so much. I am finding myself falling asleep at work and really struggling to get used to the change. I know it will take some time to get used to the move and change.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2022): The problem is you're letting your boyfriend make all the decisions, and you're just following the leader. You have a say in where you live together; and it should be as much of a convenience for you as it is for him. Learn how to have a voice and opinion in your relationships. You don't just let the guy make all the decisions; while you submit and quietly sit and stew in your misery and inconvenience.
You are setting the wrong kind a pattern in the relationship. Wherever he goes, you'll just follow. You have to meet somewhere in the middle.
Tell him what you've told us. If he's not willing to make a reasonable compromise, move back home.
A
female
reader, RitaBrown +, writes (8 June 2022):
I sympathise with you (I hate early mornings) but I do agree with the anonymous poster that this is something that you should have considered before you moved in.
I think you should do what Kenny advises and live with your parents Monday evening to Friday morning and the weekend with your boyfriend until you can both agree on one of the following options.
1) You can find a place together that is slightly closer to your home town.
or
2) You find another job that is closer to your boyfriend's place. I know that you'd still be an hour away from family and friends but as independent, working adults spending time with family and friends is often a "luxury" rather than a daily necessity and that is an adjustment that you should be prepared to make.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2022): Always been independent means you have your own place and are totally responsible for all of the expenses, chores and decisions. You cannot way you are independent when living with parents who subsidise you! Or do some of the chores that you would do otherwise, and have all of the big decisions!
You should have thought about this more before you moved in.
Of course you need to adjust,it is the same for everyone, but most just take it a day at a time making decisions as they go along.You can go to your parents for advice or you can do that or both. Simple. You are lucky that you have them for support, many do not have that.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (8 June 2022):
 Moving in with someone is a big step, and there are always compromises and changes to be adapted to.
In this case your life has become more difficult, while his still stays the same.
Surely he can see that you are getting up really early, getting home later, not to mention the extra cost. Instead he wants to move deeper into the town he lives in which I don't think is entirely fair on you.
You need to have this conversation with him and tell him how low its making you feel. If he really loves you there should be a compromise.
It might be easier maybe if you stay with your parents during the week, and maybe go down to him Friday evening, go to work from there Monday morning then stay at your parents for the rest of the week. Just a suggestion as I think this would be less stressful, and cheaper too.
In the meantime, as he is already looking at houses, its not just down to him to dictate where to live, you happen to be there as well. If he is not willing to compromise then you may have to consider if this relationship is really for you or not.
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