| Latest articles: Love is simple. It's either there or it isn't...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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14 March 2010: Love is simple. It's either there or it isn't. And it tells us when it is. Searching for it can take a lifetime and a lot of pain and anguish, misery even. Some of us have spent years with partners we don't love. But Love is out there waiting for us ...
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What is an appropriate age difference?
Q. I have a question, I get hung up on age, is ten years too much of a difference. Is it wrong if the girl is ten years older like if she is 32 and he is 22?...
A. 1 February 2011: True love never worries about things like age. Love is love, period. It's the chemistry which matters. My bother's girlfriend is 12 years older, yet they both love each other and have just had a little boy. They are both very happy and very much in ... (read in full...)
My wife wants to have sex with a black man
Q. I am an average size guy and my wife is large down below after having our child and since I have noticed that she has become frustrated as I am not satisfying her, We have toys and have fun but she has asked if she could sleep with a black man to t...
A. 27 March 2010: This kind of sexual behaviour can lead to some very dark places, please don't go there. I think your wife needs some moral guidance. ... (read in full...)
I've got four guys on the go because I don't want to be lonely!
Q. I had my first b.f when i was 18. i had waited for the one. he was a complete looser emotionally messed me up, tried forcing me into eveyrthin.was my first kiss honestly broky me heart. after him i had another b.f exactly the same again. I start...
A. 15 March 2010: Don't be so hard on yourself, you're not a slag in any way - how many young women of your age are saving their virginity for marriage? That is a noble thing in today's sexual climate. You're so very young, have fun and enjoy yourself, and who cares ... (read in full...)
Are You Settling in Your Relationship?
Q. There is currently an article in the Atlantic entitled, "Marry Him!" where long-time author Lori Gottlieb discusses why women should be willing to settle for a man who's not perfect. My initial thought just hearing this was, "honey, you've fooled ...
A. 24 February 2010: I think our grandparents were often in more 'successful' marriages simply because divorce was taboo back then. Both my sets of grandparents were in loveless marriages. There was also a general non-awareness within society that there was such a thing ... (read in full...)
To break up or not to break up? That is the question.
Q. This article is inspired by two friends of mine who are together in a relationship and its for all those men and women who think that they want to end their realationship but don't quite know yet. All relationships hit rocky patches where you have...
A. 24 February 2010: How utterly correct, your article is the perfect formula for all and everyone. As you say, if only everyone could do this the world would be a happier place. The only thing I would perhaps like to add in addition is to say this; wisdom comes only ... (read in full...)
Thoughts on Love, how do we cope knowing that the odds are against us?
Q. As I am forty in a week's time and finding myself still single, it seemed a good time to write down some thoughts on Love and the seemingly endless amount of torment that we all seem to put ourselves through in its pursuit. And at times it really ...
A. 24 February 2010: Thanks for your thoughts BB, another excellent reply. As times goes by I find myself thinking about Love more and more. I have become wiser in the last decade or so I think, and feel I have answered many questions that in the past have perplexed me. ... (read in full...)
Thoughts on Love, how do we cope knowing that the odds are against us?
Q. As I am forty in a week's time and finding myself still single, it seemed a good time to write down some thoughts on Love and the seemingly endless amount of torment that we all seem to put ourselves through in its pursuit. And at times it really ...
A. 21 February 2010: Excellent answer, and in so many ways very helpful and reassuring to those of us who are still single. I'm not sure if I'm a believer in the 'meant to be, not meant to be' idea or that there is such a thing as fate or destiny, but I do think that ... (read in full...)
I have never loved my husband, and although he tries really hard, I never will. Should I divorce him?
Q. Hi. i'm 30 years old. I've been with my husband since I was 20. When I met him I was fresh out of a relationship and wasn't really looking to get into anything new. However I met him and he was different than anyone I had ever dated..sweet, ...
A. 16 February 2010: I married when I was twenty eight, to the mother of my two young children. I wasn't in love with her and I knew it, but I felt duty bound as she'd intimated to me that she wanted to be married. The marriage only lasted a short time. And why? Because ... (read in full...)
What should I do? What is 'true love'? I must know!
Q. Help! I've been seeing a truly fantastic girl now for seven months. But recently, I've been having some vague feelings that things weren't really shaping up the way they are supposed to and decided to come clean and tell her that I just didn't feel ...
A. 16 January 2008: Thank you again to all whom have helped me on this one. I am 37 years of age, yet it has taken me until now to fully understand this one - but now I can see the truth. To be true to ourselves we must accept only true love as the reason to be with ... (read in full...)
What should I do? What is 'true love'? I must know!
Q. Help! I've been seeing a truly fantastic girl now for seven months. But recently, I've been having some vague feelings that things weren't really shaping up the way they are supposed to and decided to come clean and tell her that I just didn't feel ...
A. 15 January 2008: My sincere thanks to all whom have helped me, but in particular Neboraic; you have made me see tonight (perhaps in a way that deep down I knew already) and it all seems to be making sense. The things you say, I feel. For all I have never felt the ... (read in full...)
What should I do? What is 'true love'? I must know!
Q. Help! I've been seeing a truly fantastic girl now for seven months. But recently, I've been having some vague feelings that things weren't really shaping up the way they are supposed to and decided to come clean and tell her that I just didn't feel ...
A. 14 January 2008: Thank you Laura and Eve, you have both helped me tonight in a way that I cannot easily express in words. I have felt so alone in my plight to find an answer and tonight for the first time I feel as if I understand, at least a little. My heartfelt ... (read in full...)
Falling in love with a married woman...
Q. Help! I think I am falling in love with a beautiful married girl who lives only a few doors away from me. Whenever we meet, we flirt and gaze adoringly at one another - and always end up in a passionate embrace which I always hope will never end. I ...
A. 8 June 2007: Thankyou for that last response, perhaps the most wise and considered. In truth, I have no real sense of what she feels towards me. She never initiates contact between us, and when we do meet it is always by chance. Her homelife is desperate, I know ... (read in full...)
Falling in love with a married woman...
Q. Help! I think I am falling in love with a beautiful married girl who lives only a few doors away from me. Whenever we meet, we flirt and gaze adoringly at one another - and always end up in a passionate embrace which I always hope will never end. I ...
A. 6 June 2007: THANK YOU so much to all whom have replied to my question. I think deep down all of you are right - this sounds like trouble. My gut tells me and I am worried. Logically I know I should forget about her. But sadly, the truth is my head and my heart ... (read in full...)
I think women need to stand up to the men who insist on using porn..what do you all think?
Q. How bloody stupid can some men be????? Despite the fact women are telling them over and over again porn is degrading and unacceptable (as they obviously dont have the intelligence to work that out by themselves) they still persist in trying t...
A. 11 November 2006: Is the use of porn so terribly wrong? If its use is damaging a relationship, then fine, a stop should be put to it. But to brand all people (men AND women) who use porn as 'losers' and 'wankers' is just so wrong. Porn can be used by both sexes as a ... (read in full...)
I was a virgin when I married... And I'm still a virgin two years later!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am 30yrs old and have been married for two yrs. I was a virgin when I married and remain one now. I had not had sex before marriage because I considered it a sin and have been brought up in a loving religious family.I had man...
A. 10 November 2006: Life is short! Everyone needs a rewarding and fulfilling sex life - well, obviously apart from your husband it would seem! For goodness sake, get him to a sexual counsellor at once! And if he won't do it, or doesn't want to, then go find a real man! ... (read in full...)
I am newly married but have feelings for another man!
Q. Hi, i am newly married, for about 4months, but i had doubts beforehand. The main reason for this being that i really connected with the older man i worked with prior to my marriage, but put all this down to nerves and fears of not knowing what to ...
A. 10 November 2006: Do you love your husband? I know it might seem like a crazy question, but I married someone I didn't love and it pretty much tore me apart. To me, you sound to be in a similar position to me when I married. I don't think you'd be having these ... (read in full...)
We couldnt have kids, I went back to the affair for comfort, now its all over ...
Q. Hi, I have recently broken up with my girlfriend of 16 years. IT is mostly my fault. I had an affair sometime ago in the past eight years ago to be precice. we patched things up after that and have been pressing ahead since. back in 200...
A. 31 August 2006: Hi Alex,
I am your age (36) and for two years I did the same thing as yourself. I had a wonderful girlfriend, kind, attractive and intelligent. I loved being with her and we had some great times together. But in the two years I was with her, som... (read in full...)
I can't live with or without her and it is ruining my life
Q. Help! Two months ago I split up with my girlfriend of two years and I'm haunted continuously by my own unanswered questions. She and I dated for two years after meeting on an online dating site. It was nice enough at first, but after six months I ...
A. 30 August 2006: Thank you very much for your considered and empathic reply. Yours has been the most helpful of all the answers I have received and I can honestly tell you that you have made the difference between my feeling low and negative to feeling hopeful and ... (read in full...)
I can't live with or without her and it is ruining my life
Q. Help! Two months ago I split up with my girlfriend of two years and I'm haunted continuously by my own unanswered questions. She and I dated for two years after meeting on an online dating site. It was nice enough at first, but after six months I ...
A. 17 August 2006: I am ashamed of my behavior, most definitely. I'm sure her poor father was on the verge of having me shot, and with good cause. And it saddens me to think that I did so much emotional damage to such a sweet and innocent girl, especially as none of ... (read in full...)
I can't live with or without her and it is ruining my life
Q. Help! Two months ago I split up with my girlfriend of two years and I'm haunted continuously by my own unanswered questions. She and I dated for two years after meeting on an online dating site. It was nice enough at first, but after six months I ...
A. 16 August 2006: Thank you Giggles - you seem to know me better than I feel I know myself and have helped me tonight, greatly! May I thank you again for your answer to my question and wish you every success in your own quest for happiness. ... (read in full...)
Shall I ignore him, or just tell him to stop contacting me completely ?
Q. Shall I tell ex not to text/email or I just ignore? Still dearly in love with him, but I dont feel he loves me back in the way I want. He ignored me and put his friends first. We broke up 3 times, every time he got me back because I love him so mu...
A. 20 July 2006: You should move on. I have been in this very position, but from the other end; I was the boyfriend who left his girlfriend four times and very time went back for whatever reasons. I'm not proud of it, but intend to learn from it.
You are right wh... (read in full...)
Does my ex want back with me...just to get sex from me?
Q. HOW FAR WOULD A MAN GO JUST FOR SEX. My problem is that my ex says he wants me back after almost 4 years apart. He came the first night promising me the earth, wants to settle down and get married; wants to look after me and his son; says he loves ...
A. 14 July 2006: Move on! This guy clearly has no scruples if he is prerpared to keep you and his girlfriend dangling on a string, awaiting his word. As Irish says, if this man really loved you he would being doing ANYTHING to have you - and would have ditched this ... (read in full...)
I said some nasty things, but now I realise my mistake and want to get back with her!!
Q. I left my girlfriend 4 months ago for another younger girl and lied terribly to my ex, she had no idea. When we split up I lied to her for months about their being anyone else, we were still in contact as we had to discuss our house. She knew at ...
A. 12 July 2006: This happened to me. I left her several times in the two years we were together, twice to date another girl. I'd always go back to my ex after missing her when we were apart. It's a messy game to get into and you have to ask yourself the question of ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend; I'm just not that "in love" with him. And now there's someone else!
Q. Hi. I need some advice. I live with my boyfriend. I've never really had the passionate 'in love' feeling with him. I've known him for most of my life. He loves me, and he treats my daughter well. I feel secure for the first time in my life as a str...
A. 7 July 2006: It seems to me that you have the chemisty with the other guy. If you've never been in love with your current boyfriend are you quite sure he really is the one for you? Maybe this fascination with the other guy is an indication that you may not yet ... (read in full...)
I adore someone who is not my wife
Q. I have been married for over ten years. I have a loving relationship with my wife, but I know something is missing on my part. I have never adored my wife and don't know how or if I ever can feel this way towards her. We both brought pretty heavy ...
A. 6 July 2006: From what you say, it sounds to me like you were once very much in love with your wife. I think it is this fact which we should concentrate on, as this is the fundamental issue here. What I mean is, if you had true romantic love once and at that ... (read in full...)
I adore someone who is not my wife
Q. I have been married for over ten years. I have a loving relationship with my wife, but I know something is missing on my part. I have never adored my wife and don't know how or if I ever can feel this way towards her. We both brought pretty heavy ...
A. 6 July 2006: This is a very difficult one. I think it would be best to begin by trying to decide exactly what it is that is missing from your marriage. When you say you've never adored her, are you meaning that you've never really been in love with her? Is your ... (read in full...)
My married guy has made me wait 5 months, and he promised to leave his wife in 3!
Q. Will he leave her for me? For the first time in seven years I have met someone I really love. Only thing is he is married. The woman he is married to is 10 years older than him She is 51 and he is 41 and I am 29 years old. I have only been da...
A. 3 July 2006: I think this is a very dangerous situation. If he really was the guy you say he is, he would have left her the moment he realized he loved you. If he really loved you he could not bare to be sharing a bed with another, even his wife. If I were him, ... (read in full...)
Tempted by the "greener grass" of other guys, even though I love my boyfriend! What's wrong with me?
Q. I'm 19, and am in a serious relationship with a someone who I love dearly, and have been with on and off for about 5 years. However, lately I have been having feelings for someone I work with and I'm really tempted to do something about it, just to ...
A. 3 July 2006: 'Tempted by the greener grass' is an infuriating saying. I hate it and feel that it can never be applied to human relationships. We're not goats! I personally feel that if we find ourselves in a truly loving and complete relationship, then we ... (read in full...)
I want what I can't have... Why?
Q. I just broke up with my boyfriend of exactly 1 year because i find that it has been a long time that i felt any attraction between us and i don't get happy or excited when i see him. He is very very good to me, the best boyfriend i have ever had but ...
A. 3 July 2006: I have been in this position recently and I know how hard it is. I have been going out with a wonderful, kind and intelligent girl for two years now. She is lovely, and wants to be with me forever, look after me and share her life with me. But ... (read in full...)
I've met someone else online... What should I do - I've already dumped my girlfriend and made up four times!
Q. I need help! I've been dating a great girl for two years now, but I still can't decide if it's love or not. She's a wonderful, kind, caring and intelligent girl and I love spending time with her and having her in my life. But there have been ...
A. 2 July 2006: Thank you Leanelle, you have helped me enormously with your reply. I think neither one of us is happy; she is unhappy because she wants us to buy a house and move things on, have a child maybe. And I am unhappy because my life is full of doubts, ... (read in full...)
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