A
male
age
30-35,
The Realist
writes:This article is inspired by two friends of mine who are together in a relationship and its for all those men and women who think that they want to end their realationship but don't quite know yet.All relationships hit rocky patches where you have to decide whether or not to work through it or if it is easier just to end it. I have seen this countless times where one partner breaks up with the other knowing that they will probably just get back together anyway. The message is that this is not the way to a successful relationship. If you are considering ending your relationship please think it through so your partner doesn't go through all that pain and then you two are back together a week later or they wait for you because you keep hinting on getting back together with them. If you are going to break up take the time to think about it and find your reasons so it is not a quick regreted discision based on one event. Also while taking the time to think things through don't just treat your partner like crap hoping that they will end it first and the blame isn't on you, that's just pathetic. Either don't see them but let them know why or treat them with the same care that you always have. The pain may come quick this way but it is the quickest way to begin the healing process for the both of you. Another thing is just do it in person, don't be so cowardly and do it over the phone, text message, or e-mail. When it is in person even if you don't say much the person will see the truth in your eyes and again it allows the healing process to start much sooner. If we all followed this message evn just a little bit people would be able to see what a learning experience a break up really is and use that to find the one they will be truely happy with instead of all there being is pain.If you are wondering I did end a relationship a couple of years back using these techniques so I wouldn't regret it. It was not easy but in the end the only negative thing I can say about this is that the partner will not see it coming. The positive is that it eliminates the time spent before the realationship has even ended dwelling on the break up. Everyone deserves to be respected even if you want nothing to do with them anymore. If we put a little gentle touch to these tough situations I think that couples will work through more problems together and break ups will be less traumatic, something that would be great to see for all ages.Thank you for reading, your comments are greatly appreciated.
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a break, get back together, text Reply to this Article
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You can add your comments or thoughts to this article A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (27 August 2010):
The Realist is verified as being by the original poster of the question You sound like you were a great loving girlfriend to him. I always hate to see the good ones hurt. You never really forget an ex, atleast I never have and I don't think that you will. In time you do get over it but you can't force it apon anyone. I know what your going through to some extent and if I could I would give you a big hug to let you know that things will be ok in the end even if they don't seem like they ever will be. You can always message me and rant when ever you need to. You're too sweet of a girl to have to go through this.
A
female
reader, heartbroken101  +, writes (25 August 2010):
 damn i wish my ex had read this before he sent me that message :'(
even after 3 flipping months im still crying every night about it and he's already moved on and asked a girl out
he told me he didn't do it face to face because he knew that i would say something that would change his mind. ive written him letters pouring my heart out to him...made songs up and poems and all that stupid stuff and for what? so he can go and dump me over text and then ask some other chick out. he told me that he couldn't tell me if he loved me or not while he was going out with lisa...(shes the new chick) and he said we can only be friends if i promise not to try and break them up :( god im so upset i have to stop typing or ill start to cry again. dont say he's not worth it if you end up writing back to this....because ive heard everyone i know say it...but it doesn't change a thing
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (24 February 2010):
The Realist is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply. That is very interesting and true, we all have the right to make these kind of mistakes as they are part of the learning process.
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A
male
reader, Withnail700  +, writes (24 February 2010):
 How utterly correct, your article is the perfect formula for all and everyone. As you say, if only everyone could do this the world would be a happier place. The only thing I would perhaps like to add in addition is to say this; wisdom comes only with age, and often we all do things we come in time to regret. One of these things might be messing someone around, finishing with them, then taking them back, then doing it all over again. We are all human, and it's not a very human thing to 'dump' someone, to break away or try from someone we are close to. Whilst you are entirely correct in every way, I feel no-one should ever be made to feel bad for struggling to end a relationship 'correctly'. It's only human to want to make someone feel better, and so often a getting back together 'crime' is unintentionally committed under the very best of intentions. The short, sharp shock is the best, every time - yet it's often also the hardest thing to do from the point of the 'dumper' so to speak. I spent my entire thirties struggling with on-off relationships and nearly always lacked the emotional strength to quickly detach myself from someone I knew was wrong for me. I am forty soon, and have pledged to myself that I will never do this again, but it has taken me a very long time to learn this!
Great great article! Act on gut instinct, they're always right - and be decisive, and 'cruel' if one has to be. The age old saying is so true, to be kind, you sometime have to be cruel.
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