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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi. I need some advice. I live with my boyfriend. I've never really had the passionate 'in love' feeling with him. I've known him for most of my life. He loves me, and he treats my daughter well. I feel secure for the first time in my life as a struggling single mom. He's a great guy, and I love him. But I don't have a lot of physical attraction. My problem is that I'm not only attracted to a guy at work, I'm starting to feel that I'm falling for him. We like the same movies, music, and activities. I get together with my coworkers once a month for karaoke. I end up talking to him all night. He makes my heart beat faster, and he listens to me. I think he's feeling what I am, because I've caught him staring at me with the look we reserve for little puppies or newborn babies. The electricity is almost tangible when he stands next to me. Nothing has happened because he knows I live with my boyfriend. I would really like to feel this way for my boyfriend. He deserves it. If I left him he would be badly hurt. I don't want to do that. But my coworker is constantly on my mind. Any advice would be appreciated.
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male
reader, Withnail700  +, writes (7 July 2006):
 It seems to me that you have the chemisty with the other guy. If you've never been in love with your current boyfriend are you quite sure he really is the one for you? Maybe this fascination with the other guy is an indication that you may not yet have found 'The One' yet. I believe everyone should experience the 'being in love' sensation - at least once with their chosen partner. If you've never felt this, then it may be hard to stay with him in the long term. Perhaps begin by asking yourself if you feel you want to be in love, or whether you're happy opting for something less exciting but safer.
A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (26 June 2006):
 The phrase the grass isnt always greener comes to mind. You could split with you current bf and then find out that the new guy is just a flash in the pan! Its probably got more to do with the fact that you are comfortable with your current man and the special feeling as drifted a little, hes the safe option and makes you feel secure, whilst this other guy gives you a buzz as hes different from the everyday mundane. We all have choices to make in life and we dont always make the right ones. See if you cant find out what it is thats missing with your man, sounds like its a bit of spark hence you seeing this with the other guy. We tend to get settled and into routines and when we see something different we always want it that way, something new and exciting, but its up to us to make the effort and make things exciting! You could leave your guy get with the new one only to find that in two months time you feel the same, stuck in everday life but with a different person. Perhaps use this to see what you really want, see why you feel attracted to someone else and not your man, try and address these things now rather than bolt and then think later. See what direction you want in life, where you want to be, its you that can do all of this and you should be able to do all this without the aid of a man. You have to be comfortbale in your own skin, try and put yourself in a situation that doesn figure either man and see what you want, this may go someway into guiding you to make the right choice. Dont always take the easy option, things need to be worked at but we have to do what feels right for us.
Take care and good luck x
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (26 June 2006):
 Love is a choice,
and if you choose to break your boyfriend's heart, we can't stop you.
If you choose to follow this path that pulls you toward another love, we can't stop you.
If you choose to allow your heart to accidentally fall by spending time and words with another, we can't stop you.
And if you choose to love this new fling and leave the old love behind, we can't stop you.
But please don't come crying when you realize that a new love is not better then an old love.
Love is a choice, and only you can stop the accidents, only you can stop you.
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