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female
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*herry30
writes: Dear Cupid,I am 30yrs old and have been married for two yrs. I was a virgin when I married and remain one now. I had not had sex before marriage because I considered it a sin and have been brought up in a loving religious family.I had many opportunities to indulge in sex before marriage but I chose to wait.My husband and I have never had pentrative sex. We have got close but he never goes further. This bothered me and we began to have psycho sexual counselling at relate which was my idea and I pushed for it. And still we have not had pentrative sex when we get close to it he backs off. On one occassion he asked me where my vagina was?He claims to have had other sexual partners before with whom he had sexual relations. I am confused and angry. I am now considering an annullment of the marriage and feel that my love is turning to hate. He no longer turns me on and I hate it when he touches me. My family will want to know the reasons for our split...do I give them this info and his family and I have a good relationship. What am I to say to his parents?I am so embarrassed and humiliated by this experience.I am also very sexually frustarated and pleasure myself and experience orgasms regularly.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): He obviously was either lying or unaware of the true meaning of sex when he spoke of previous partners. I thought I had been sexually active with a previous gal until after I was married for a couple weeks. I was shy and not too sexual intelligent. The first time we actually had penetration, I was amazed at how stupid I had been (and how stupid I must have seemed). You might have to have him lay down and take charge. He may turn into the stud you need if he is helped along.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): Not to point out something you might not have considered, but the marriage ceremony and the I-do's only constitute part of what it takes to be married. If you haven't consummated the marriage, you're not fully married. You're married in a legal-document fashion, but in the traditional sense of the term, you still have at least one act to go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): no one should be under any pressure to have sex at all. however, if you are married and been together for some time then im sure evryyfing will be fine if you went ahead with it. there is obviolsly something a lot psychologicaly deeper to it all and you need to find this out for yourself, keep goin to councilling etc. i hope evrything goes well for you, evryfing takes time, however long. x
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A
male
reader, Withnail700  +, writes (10 November 2006):
 Life is short! Everyone needs a rewarding and fulfilling sex life - well, obviously apart from your husband it would seem! For goodness sake, get him to a sexual counsellor at once! And if he won't do it, or doesn't want to, then go find a real man!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2006): Maybe he is gay, and cannot handle the thought of having sex with a woman. He could be lying about past sexual partners.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006):
I'd tell your mother or aunts. They'll workout the mechanics of breaking it to everyone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): I think you should try getting some Karma Sutra books.
They are very tastfully illustrated so dont be embarrassed.
If you dont wnat to buy it in a store You can find them on most Online bookstores.
dont give up on the relationship yet keep trying until you have exhusted all the possible remedies to this sittuation.
I know this might sound silly, but have you acctually sat down with him alone and asked him what is holding him back?.
He might have been too shy to speak about his problems or concerns in front of a Sexual therapist.
Its very common, men are very gaured creatures when it comes to sex, if he doesnt know about certain aspects of sex his ego might be bruised from the embarrasment of the lack of knowledge.
So take some time out together maybe go to a nice hotel and dont put too much enphasis on have penetrative sex, Just explore each others bodies and if it leads to sex then so be it.
ok hope I have helped, let me know if you need anymore advice on this. I happy to help.
XX
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 November 2006):
 If you don't love him then leave him. You really don't have to explain yourself but since you haven't consummated the marriage and therefore will get an annulment, people will probably figure it out on their own, but who cares? You deserve to be in a totally satisfying relationship. You go girl. By the way the guy seems kinda wacky to me.
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A
female
reader, Seratuki +, writes (9 November 2006):
 Hi there..
It seems he is much less sexually experienced than he told you. Perhaps he's afraid he won't be able to perform to your standards. Or maybe he's afraid of sex for whatever reason. Have you asked him why he doesn't want to have full sex? has he given you a reason at all?
If you've been to counceling and still find yourself unhappy and unfulfilled, it's probably best to move on before you waste time with this man.
HTH
Sera-Tuki
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