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female
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anonymous
writes: How bloody stupid can some men be????? Despite the fact women are telling them over and over again porn is degrading and unacceptable (as they obviously dont have the intelligence to work that out by themselves) they still persist in trying to justify their filthy habit...If their partners were spending hours getting hot and masterbating over men with huge c....ks they would be the first ones to whinge.....Funny isnt it, this double standard. (which of course they will deny) because they know there is no chance in hell women would behave like that...Ladies lets have some self respect - the only way its gonna change is when we all stand up and say at the beginning of a relationship 'do you use porn?'' if they do lets dump em for the losers they are and go out with the decent guys....If a guy lies and we later find them using porn dump em no questions asked.Sure there may not be as many to go around but at least they will be real men who love real women.....Over time watch most men give up the porn. The remaining wankers (literally) can have fun with their lube and mags......We need to start breeding these jerks out of the gene pool.
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female
reader, Aunt Charlene +, writes (30 November 2006):
 being a victim of sexual abuse as a child has not made me want to be a pornstar, just because they were abused doesnt mean that is what triggers their desire, its up to these people to star in a porno, perhaps they want the money, or they simply enjoy the job, its not like theyre being abused on the set,they CHOOSE to do the roleplay- you ever heard of that weird thing you have to sign befre you start a job?called a CONTRACT???
i dunno wat pornos you watch, but the men are all either buff as well as the women, or they av couples jus as real people ie rolls of fat everywhere-on the women aswell as the men.
put your granny porn away and look at wat the 20yr olds are like,theres no fat old blokes with 18yr old babes on the stuff ive watched.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006):
Havent you noticed that the vast majority of womens romance novels require the men to be incognito princes, rebelious family scions or shirtless blue collar joes? Why is that?
Havent you noticed that the employed white male who has a *single* beer in womens movies exists only to be a source of menace- either as a wife abuser, a child molestor or as a cheating spouse.
Kind of unfair and celebrating unrealistic images.
Where is the room for a hard working project manager who keeps up his professional certifications, sweats the details at work, provides security for his family, and cleans out the gutters on the weekend while the women are watching Wistera Lane or Footballers Wives?
Doesnt he get to have some sort of fantasy life in your philosophy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2006): Aunt Charlene, So have you failed to notice that THE VAST MAJORITY odf porn requires the women to fit within a certain way of looking yet the men can (and usually do) look like gross hairy old men...why is that?
Its kinda unfair...dont you think that its all about celebrating unrealistic images and ideas of how women look and behave sexually...Also ...why doesnt it concern you that 90+percent of women in porn were sexually abused as kids?????Doesnt this give you some idea that they have BIG ISSUES and that its really sad people use it to get off on.
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female
reader, Aunt Charlene +, writes (29 November 2006):
the society in which we live in today offers many choices, including those who want to watch porn- porno mags, and those who dont- the lower shelves in the newsagents. as a woman who like porn, i cannot see how it degrades women, the man is naked, he's having sex they have equal roles, i have seen dominatrix's- dont they downgrade men? plus some people like it like that, the master and servant type, theres different types of porn for different people and copules. porn allows people to tap into their imaginations, they can imagine being on that set, perhaps as one of the charaters which is extremely rewarding. if oyu do not like porn then thats fine no one will make you watch it, but its unfair to try and control a man or a woman to stop doing what they enjoyed, we all need enjoyment in our life, and dont lie to yourselves, we all have our own sexual fantasies.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2006): Interesting how the posters who justify porn dont seem to think that it matters that most of the women in porn are vicy=tims of childhood sexual abuse, or that porn teaches men to treat women as body parts...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2006): I must be an anomoly because i quite like some porn??? Aslong as it doesnt involve anal, deep throating, animals, children or S and M....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2006): Guys will be guys!!! I wish people would stop trying to control everything that they do! It is so wrong to come into somebody's life and say "Ok now that I'm here, You have to change to make me happy...OR ELSE I'M GONE!!! fact of life: Men love porn,they don't think about their girlfriends when the msturbate and they check out other girls! You will never be able to change that! Just let yourself fall in love! If you break up with every guy who watches porn...or anything else you don't like related to sex...you are going to be a very lonely women or you're going to be with a lier. Just live your life and let them live theirs.
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female
reader, sugapuff  +, writes (12 November 2006):
 "Christ woman, lighten up! Guys learn most of their best moves from watching porn. They'd all be useless in bed if we took that away from them."OMGOD!are u having a laugh or something?????All men learn from porn that women get wet in about 20 seconds with little or no effort on their part! That we love giant d**ks rammed into every orifice! And being covered with semen! And we love having 8 inch d**ks rammed down our throats and there will be absolutely no gagging involved! Not to mention the the gang banging and the anal etc??
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female
reader, pica +, writes (12 November 2006):
Apparently dirty pictures have been around since the printing press was first invented - what a surprise! - but I fear Yos has a very good point about internet porn now setting expectations - 14 year old boys wanting anal sex and the girls to shave all over. Don't feel that is healthly - waaaay too much, too soon. When I was young there was pressure, including peer, not to have sex too young and if you did, only in the context of a steady boyfriend. It seems now to have swung totally the opposite way judging by the posts on here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionInteresting "Men are also more visual than women in this area' A recent study has shown that this is untrue...Incidently, if men are more visual how come my husband never notices anything about me and my friends have the same complaints abou their husbands..lol. Seems their excuse of only applies to women other than their wives. lol
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): Is it even up to you? Christ, if they want to watch porn then let them. I can't believe that's so stereotyped, not all men watch porn and some women do. Get a grip!
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 November 2006):
 I think, in general, that men and women are wired differently. I don't know of any woman that's ever gone out to buy porn. I'm sure it happens but not nearly as often as men might. The concept of porn seems to be mostly geared towards men. That is at least, the majority of the market. A tiny percentage of women will ever enjoy porn while a much larger percentage of men will. That's just the way it is.
The pros of porn are probably fewer than the negatives but a case cold probably be made for each. I have a hard time imagining that any woman who comes from a sound background could ever REALLY enjoy making porn. Especially the young women who don't really have any life expereinces to know any better. It's just not natural. These people are taking something that is meant to be enjoyed between a couple and treating it like a business. I don't know how they would be able to nuture the sexual part of a relationship with a spouse while working as a porn star.
I also believe that many men see what happens in porn and think it's real or normal. Most of us who are honest will admit that sex is not usually like the pornos or Hollywood/television type love scenes we view. Most men strive for that and lust for it, but alas, it's not real. Men are also more visual than women in this area. Again, we're wired differently. Porn will always be here. It doesn't make men dogs for enjoying it but everything has to be done in moderation.
As for the pros of porn, they're few. I guess they can be stimulating. I know in my life, my wife would never sit and watch one. That's just her but I think she represents the average lady. I don't think most women have any respect for a women who is willing to participate in porn. As men, we get past that pretty quick and just see the sexual part of it. For some couples though it could provide a little spark.
Again, I mostly feel sorry for those who participate in making porn. It's not natural and I believe that some day they'll look back and regret it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): Christ woman, lighten up! Guys learn most of their best moves from watching porn. They'd all be useless in bed if we took that away from them.
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female
reader, sugapuff +, writes (11 November 2006):
Yos +
your post seriously brings me hope that there are men operating on an intelligent level out there!
i would also like to say i have some male friends who respect women who really cannot understand where i am coming from when i get frustrated about how women are portrayed by society!
and as for the other guys refering to you as a troll! for god sake! i wish just for one day you's could live the life of an intelligent woman and see how yous come away feeling!
just open your minds! i blame society as a whole not just men just stop being so defensive and look around! ask your selves how are women really treated and portrayed in this world! im not saying its all bad or that men have it all gud! but just try to understand!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): Anyway, I don't think porn should or should not be taken away in an absolute sense. If in a relationship, a man or a woman takes to the obsession of looking at porn and it gradually destroys the relationship, then something must be done to correct it, lest the man or the woman separate/divorce.
Eg: in the case of tobacco smoke, so long as people know the after effects of smoking such things, then it is their choice whether to further their habit or not. In the case of banning smoking in restaurants and other common public places, I think it was a great idea on the law makers part - they heard the overall population's needs.
Just like porn however, it might be easily accessible, just as tobacco smoke is, but things can be done to limit that access - just as parents are supposed to monitor and guide their children in life, couples are supposed to understand and compromise for the good of the relationship. If in the beginning or anywhere of the relationship, signs of departure, signs of porn, signs of distance and constant arguments erupt, then things must be done to solve the problems of the couples quarrels. Porn is just one aspect, a catalyst that allows men and women to actively express their disagreements and their unhappiness or bare satisfaction in a relationship. If not porn, then there are always the neighbor's wife, the local barber shop owner's hot son, the cute female receptionist at PWC down the street that he or she can cheat with, or take a liking to. If not porn, there will always be modelling magazines, newspaper ads, television media, sexual illustrations (hentai), the imagination of oneself to act or fantasize on. If not porn, a man or a woman may start to do other things like other hobbies and other sports or go out drinking and dining out with other friends/flirts. Porn just seems so much more potent because it gives men and women the sexual stimuli that often as you all should know, a sort of short term happiness that might not be found in a current relationship. That's why men or women may continue to look at porn because it doesn't give long term satisfaction.
Yes, as Yos has commented, Porn can destroy relationships, and looking at too much porn can deteoriate a person's connective psyche - possibly even poison it if the person's will-power is low. If porn should be banned, then many other things should also be banned. If all these things should be banned, then the world may mimic a religious utopia where all men and women are equal, where all men and women respect each other in a gray, black, and white 2-dimensional sense, where all men and women should not wear heels, should not work-out to achieve ripped muscles, to achieve better grooming, to achieve a sportier physique.
Porn is an attribute to humanity. Another way of saying what porn is, is that it is the conglomerate of different desires that individuals crave in its most raw ideal. However, some people may not know that tho humans may fantasize about something, an individual may not necessarily act upon it. There are many factors such as principles, upbringing, concept of honor, societal influence, etc, etc, etc that may limit us to do the things our raw psyche may want us to do.
Fortunately, for some of us, we can draw the line where watching porn can either help us a little once in awhile, moderately, and so on, or stop watching porn if it creates problems in a relationship.
Please, as I always say, from the beginning of a relationship, open communication, some compromise, and consideration (to a degree, depending on your own person traits) should be continuously given and received. Porn is but one aspect that can either destroy a relationship or help one, just as sex toys, going to bible study, going to the buddhist temple every weekend, going out to a picnic with the kids, saving up money for small trips or long vacations, work out your body and meditate, do yoga - anything to bring back a certain passion or spark into your relationship.
Un m un mah?
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (11 November 2006):
 I am a man and I agree with you. Wholeheartedly.
I think the majority of men turn a blind eye to the problems porn causes because they get such a hit off it. Porn for many men is REALLY enjoyable, that's the main reason they don't want to stop. It's not only the sexual response that is appealing, but it taps into the 'conquering a lot of women' part of a mans mind too... masturbating over large numbers of 'available' teenage girls makes us feel powerful and manly. The quantity part of male sexual desire, as well as the quality part.
I was into porn too, until I realized how much damage it could do me and my relationships. And how much real damage it had done in the past that I had blamed on other factors.
I do find it interesting that most men will instantly claim that porn is harmless without any evidence or real justification. Lets face it, porn in its hardcore form has only been around since the 70s, and porn in its ultra-accessible ultra-hardcore form (which is now mainstream) has only been around since the late 90s and the growth of the web. It would be naive to suggest that 'we know for sure' something so new is harmless. After all, for how many centuries did we think tobacco and opium were harmless before we realized the consequences of their use? The history of humanity is littered with examples of inventions that had unintended negative consequences that very few people saw at the time (think industrialization and global warming for a big one).
But porn is far from harmless. The evidence of its harm is there for all to see, right in front of us, if only you'll switch off the part of your brain that wants to defend it because you like it so much. Here is a quick summary of what I think the main problems are with it:
- It degrades and objectifies women. This has many social consequences which should be obvious to anyone with a little thought.
- Men who use porn, especially a lot, become more sexually and emotionally distant from their partner. This has been shown over and over again via numerous large studies. This is damaging to the relationship as well as the womans self esteem in general.
- Young kids are seeing hardcore porn on the internet and this is setting up dangerous expectations for them when it comes to sex. Essentially, porn is 'teaching them how sex should be'. The result: 14 year old boys asking their girfriends to shave their pussies and have anal sex with them. And the girls feeling they have to agree to this.
- The porn industry preys on sexually abused women. Several surveys have shown that the proportion of women in porn that were sexually abused as children is somewhere between 65% and 90%. One of the consequences of sexual abuse for many women is low self esteem tied to the feeling that they only have worth as sexual objects (read any mainstream psychiatry papers). Hence the porn business is a natural fit for them. I find it deeply troubling that we are letting ourselves and our children take their sexual cues from the victims of child sex abuse, using these women as sexual role models.
- It promots promiscuity. Whilst some women can be promiscuous and retain a high self esteem, (the Kim Cattrall sex in the city character), my life experience has show me that this is a small minority of women. Most of the women I have been friends with who have had many sexual partners have done so compensating for low self esteem and carry a lot of guilt and regret because of their behaviour. The strong sexually assertive woman is much rarer that the media would like us to believe.
- Porn desensitises. For many (including myself I found), you find yourself increasing the 'hardness' of the porn you use. Over time, straight-up porn doesn't cut it anymore and you look for more extreme things. You become desensitised and need more intense visual stimulation. This has been very obvious to anyone who has been on the web for a while: 8 years ago 'hardcore' was about as hardcore as you would normally find, and anal was fairly unusual. BDSM etc was very rare. Now categories of porn like 'gonzo', 'double anal' 'gaping', and 'choking' are the norm and make up a large part of the content of many mainstream porn sites. This is because of the desensitisation. Then realize that this desensitisation carries over into real life: the harder the porn used the less turned on you are by 'normal' sex with your girlfriend or wife.
For me what made it click and made me want to stop was realizing that porn was damaging MY sexual response and abilities. It was rendering ME a less sexually able man, and damaging my abilities to have relationships with women. Once I truly understood this stopping was easy. Strangely enough I am now in the best relationship I have ever had, and certainly having the best (most intimate and passionate) sex I have ever had.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): Well, I wouldn't say those 'extremes' are any more positive than having a partner pull out a prenup at the start of a relationship - though I do think that a prenup agreement is an automatic thing when two ppl get married.
Anyway, the idea is sound, but I have to say that again like in the other MASSIVE post about porn, what makes u think porn is only liked and enjoyed by men? Plus, moderate use of porn to help the tidbits of a relationship is good - just like the use of a little bit of alcohol, some extra sexy clothing/costumes, some sex toys, possibly a nice warm bubble bath together are good.
I smell either troll [sigh] or extreme feminist - the type that never shaves, despises dresses or anything feminine (oddly), and hate to be treated like a lady. REALITY CHECK: as long as humans have emotions, as long as there are two genders, as long as men have penises and women have vaginas, as long as the world turns and life churn out some of the best and some of the worst, PEOPLE WILL conform to desires, needs, passions and the like.
The thing is, if a woman (in this example) chooses a guy who eventually looks at porn 24/7, then blames the guy solely for looking at porn - wouldn't that be a sign of ignorance on the side of the woman as well? To blame all fault in the guy whom have submitted to porn somewhere along in the relationship?
Like I said before, when things were good between my ex and I (with the usual ups and downs, fights and arguments), I rarely looked at porn - maybe once a week or so. When things were breaking up between us, etc, etc, I resorted to porn over her much more.
Of course you can say, "Rather than submit to porn, go work out the relationship." Alas, if things were really that simple, there wouldn't be hundreds of thousands of people with problems that go to sites like DearCupid.org. Some problems are easily solvable through open communication and action/reaction, but there are those problems that are better left separating than trying to patch up old wounds and sores.
Anyway, I'm sure I have lots of other points to make, but yeah...
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A
male
reader, Withnail700  +, writes (11 November 2006):
 Is the use of porn so terribly wrong? If its use is damaging a relationship, then fine, a stop should be put to it. But to brand all people (men AND women) who use porn as 'losers' and 'wankers' is just so wrong. Porn can be used by both sexes as a means of sexual stimulus - have you never heard of couples getting themselves going with a 'naughty' video woman? And has it not occured to you that there are porn mags aimed at women too? It's not just us blokes who use the stuff - there are sexually adventurous women out there too!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006):
Dont light that bra just yet.... how are you going to bred guys who like sex out of the gene pool?
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female
reader, helpful## +, writes (10 November 2006):
you are being a bit unfair i think porn is just harmless fun and i would much prefer a man that looks at or watches that than someone that goes out and finds the real thing i think you are fighting a losing battle as there are many women out there that also enjoy a bit of fantasy including the thousands of women that actually make it and they are not forced into it
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2006): So let me guess. You have a history with men who have used porn and the consequent affect is that it's made you feel belittled and inferior.
So this is your chance - to fight back and reclaim the worth that was taken from you?
Either that or this is just a troll looking to start an argument.
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