A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:My ex has reached out 5 years after we broke up. We haven't seen each other since we broke up. He has intermittently throughout the 5 years making efforts to keep talking, but I moved countries, grew up, had new experiences blah blah I feel like a different man, and I was a boy when we dated. He was really kind, nurturing man but maybe in the end i realised he wasnt my type. Maybe he wants to be friends, but tbh, I feel we are different . Maybe he sees me as the one that got away? I dont wanna be mean, hurtful or close doors, and I wanna honour the time we had but it feels strange to meet and catch up.Where do I begin? Also i struggle to see my current friends. He's now engaged to someone, last time he reached out 6 months ago, he wanted me to meet his "other half", so I dont what this is all about? Maybe closure, or a final last ditch effort, or a final good bye. But it feels he's very one sided in his feelings, and the idea of meeting is something that feels like something he feels he needs to do, but I don't. I had an emotional roller-coaster of a year, and I don't see any reason to do this. Am I a dick to cancel, and if so how do I do it in a nice and kind way.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 April 2016):
 Okay, if that’s too short and not emotional enough, I think WiseOwlE had a nice way to put it. Let me rephrase for you.
“Hi, Ferdinand, I received your message about meeting up. I appreciate that you would like to get together to ‘catch up.’ You were a kind and nurturing man, as I remember.
“Here’s the thing, ver the years, I have moved on. Our time together is a fine memory, but now it is a closed chapter in my life. I am not trying to be mean, or hurtful, I’m just being honest with you that at this point in time, reconnecting with you doesn’t work for me.
“I prefer to continue moving on with my life and do not wish to re-start a friendship with you. I recognize this may not be what you wish, but I hope for the sake of our history together, that you respect my wishes in this.
“I am happy that you have found a partner and I wish you and him every happiness together.”
Is that a bit better for you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2016): This is a situation when there's no alternative but to be straightforward and honest. No need to be brutal; unless you feel undue pressure. It is my assumption this is all leading up to a wedding invitation. Which what you're feeling as well.
How do you do it in a nice and kind way? Very simple. In a nice and kind way you contact him and tell him that over the years you have moved on. Your time together is a fine memory, but a closed chapter in your life. You prefer to continue moving on with your life and do not wish to initiate a friendship. Tell him you wish him and his partner the best.
I have an ex too. I have met a wonderful person whom I really care about. I ignore any attempts to reach me; so there will be no odd or awkward feelings. Do the same once you've let him know that you're doing fine and no further contact is desired. His feelings would only be hurt because things didn't go his way. He's an ex. Things don't have to.
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A
male
reader, MrOveranalysing +, writes (10 April 2016):
MrOveranalysing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThats very harsh, isn't it?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 April 2016):
“This isn’t a good time for us to ‘catch up.’ Thanks for reaching out but I will have to pass at this time. I realize that you have made an effort to keep in contact but this is no longer a relationship I care to continue, intermittent though contact may be. I wish you well with your future.”
Then just block him.
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