A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:I was sitting with a friend and we were talking about people on our masters course. Just casually she slipped in that I "inspired protectiveness in people, because I was the only single guy on the course". For some reason, this really irked me, it's something you might use to describe an ingenue or a naive princess/puppy dog but not a 23 year old man. She then said it wasn't a bad thing. I don't like being a man who women perceive needs protection. I know I can only be myself, but I'm sure you can understand the problems this causes me being someone who many (not necessarily all women) are protective over. What can I do about this? I know this might have only been a passing comment, but it still bothers me. Making me wonder if there is something I'm doing subconsciously that makes me seem less strong or vulnerable. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, MrOveranalysing +, writes (3 July 2008):
MrOveranalysing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys that's very helpful. And to the final anonymous writer, I think your response says more about you. I hadn't actually perceived 'inspiring protectiveness' to be an insult or a put down. Merely, a strange thing to say to a guy, I realise now thats its a rare quality that doesn't necessarily have a gender and can be very attractive to some. When we think of thing that we inspire protectiveness, kings and queens comes to mind. Almost a reverence and respect that requires protection. As you said that's just her opinion anyway, and even if some might take it badly, at the end of the day I would only be magnifying her wisdom and power if I took it with anything more than a pinch of salt.
A
male
reader, MrOveranalysing +, writes (3 July 2008):
MrOveranalysing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks thats reassuring. But surely the last thing I want to be perceived as is a teddy bear. I guess some people will find the warmth and innocence of a teddy bear irresistable, but some will not be able to view it as anything sexual.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Well mr. overanalysing, I think you are overanalysing this...First of all, who cares what she thinks? I get stupid, condescending comments made of me all the time. I don't care. I know who I am and I only listen to the opinions of those who actually matter to me. People will ALWAYS say stuff that can be taken the wrong way. This is going to happen to you your whole life. You got to learn how to not take it personally. For instance, I am 26 years old and I JUST now graduated college, just my bachelor's degree. And just the other day, someone I know from college said something like "Oh when I'm 26, I don't want to still be in college, and still have no idea what I want to do..." And then he paused and looked at me and said, "no offense to you." Do you think I gave a sh*t what he said or thinks? No. Good for him that he will take a different road than the one I took. I didn't take it personally. My family still loves me. My friends still think think I am cool as sh*t. So why would I care? I don't.You need to have more confidence in yourself. People are always going to put their foot in their mouth at some point. Everybody gives and takes criticism every single day. But you got to build a wall and learn what criticism to actually listen to and which ones to let go out your other ear. For all you know, this girl might have been having a bad day and wanted to make someone feel worse than her, and you were the accidental victim. It's not always about you. People have their own issues that oftentimes they take out on others. You know you are not an ingenue or a princess. You know you are not vulnerable. So what do you care what she thinks? Let her think what she wants. You just keep being yourself and stop giving so much importance to the opinion of someone that doesn't matter.Oh and here is a little exercise for you that might help you stop overanalysing things so much. Next time someone makes a comment to you that irritates you, stand up for yourself. Come to your own defense right away and look her straight in the eye and say "I'm a pretty self sufficient guy, I don't need anyone's protection, I really don't know where you get that from." Don't laugh, don't stutter and be really serious. Otherwise you are just going to be dwelling on what she said for the next month. Break the pattern. Then you'll just be dwelling on how bad ass your comeback was. It's better to dwell on that than on some idiot's opinion of you.
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