A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:I’m 22 (almost 23)year old male and I’ve never had a long-term relationship, I’ve had a couple of flings and far too many one night stands (with boys and girls) but nothing ever fruitful comes of it. I define myself as bisexual, but am perhaps more sexually attracted to men and more emotionally into women (this, however, can vary and its complicated). As I have grown older, I find it much easier to approach and pick up boys (especially in clubs, bars etc.) Whereas, with girls I take it incredibly personally when they are not interested, start imagining they are, when they are just being friendly. However, in spite of my attraction to men, I am looking for a relationship with a woman. This is where my problem enters. I find it hard/impossible to read girls and whether they want to go further with me. Sometimes I take an interest in girls who are in relationships and when they finally become single and seem interested in me I lose complete interest. I can’t distinguish when a girl wants ‘just fun’ or more. Also, another big thing is I am never able to distinguish when a girl is interested or just being friendly, this has resulted in embarrassing situations where i've gone for the kiss and been told I've got the wrong end of the stick. I seem to find flaws in every girl that seems interested, or just plain get worried I won’t be able to ‘get it up’ because I’m not interested enough/don't fancy them enough. All this stuff has started to get to me real bad because everyone – pretty much everyone – of my close friends is in a real proper relationship or on the prowl for one. I know I shouldn’t succumb to social pressure but every time I got to a party with couples I feel like a complete social leper. People try and hook up the singles and most the time its just awkward and unnatural. Moreover, I can’t stand being the third-wheel with my mates and their girlfriends/boyfriends. This part really drives me nuts, it’s like they are so loved up they don’t realise that perhaps the last thing i want to do is hang with them and their wonderful amazing lover. I know its bitterness, but it still hurts.
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male
reader, MrOveranalysing +, writes (30 March 2008):
MrOveranalysing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionrhythmandblues2, I had never thought of this, it would make a lot of sense. But it's easier said than done. I also think the term bisexual seems to have a very loose 'fashionable' definition these days, whereby many people might claim to be, while having no real qualifiable interest in the same/opposite sex.
Oldersister, I can understand where your coming from. But I never said I wanted an emotional relationship from women, I said I'm generally emotionally attracted to women. You're absolutely right, sex is absolutely essential part of a relationship. I would want a fully functional relationship with a woman. You also seem to have misunderstand, I don't deliberately go looking for flings, but they always seem to end as just that because it doesn't work out one way or another. I don't think comparing your gay friend and me is really helpful because I don't hit on women I have no interest in. Moreover, just because I have many flings it doesn't mean that I will be any less monogomous when in a confirmed relationship. Quite to the contrary, what I'm saying is I want to make that transition from flings to relationships but don't know how. Perhaps, I have given you an inaccurate impression of me.
Okay, how about this, I do like girls, and my friends tell me that "so and so" is hitting on me. However, even when I like the girl I still have trouble knowing when to make a move, to be certain if she likes me or just likes me as a friend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Look for a bisexual woman, they're out there.
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