A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:Help, my friend invited me and another friend to cape town. we had a great two weeks. on the way to the airport he persuaded me to stay for a few months and go traveling with him. This went down very badly with his girlfriend who was angry he never consulted her. Now, he's constantly blowing me out to have talks with his girlfriend, and clearly is willing to bend over backwards to please her. I feel very upset and angry he persuaded me to stay only to constantly mess me around and ask me to make myself scarce so as not to upset her. I don't know what to do, the fare back will cost me a lot. It was half my decision, but I know I feel like an un welcomed guest, even though technically its his family's house. He wants me to stay to go cycling around Africa with him, but there are all these complications like sorting out keys and phone-bills. Clearly he had not thought clearly when he asked me to stay. And instead of admitting it's not a great situation, he feels to guilty to say he made a mistake. What should I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, katatonik  +, writes (14 December 2008):
 He did ruin the rest of your holiday, and by making you feel unwelcome he is at least partly responsible for you having to book a last-minute and therefore more expensive flight home.
Believe it or not, his offer of money probably benefits HIM as well as any good friend would have a guilty conscience over what he has done. Paying some of your flight is a quick and instant solution for him to ease his guilt. And on that note...having paid you, he probably won't feel very badly about this in the future so don't expect it of him, or expect him to still feel too sorry the next time you see him.
Unless you have good reason to believe that he really can't afford the amount he has volunteered to pay, I'd say go ahead and accept the money. It's kind of your dad to offer to pick up the slack, but when it comes down to it your father is in no way responsible for how thoroughly your friend is controlled by his GF. Their behavior is doubly rude considering you are the one who paid for the holiday. Let me get this straight--after you leave, they will be using your money to continue traveling? Letting your father pay the difference here would in essence be rewarding your friend and his GF for their less than polite behavior, and I'm not sure that's what you're really aiming for. Good luck.
A
male
reader, MrOveranalysing +, writes (13 December 2008):
MrOveranalysing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, so things took an interesting turn. After four days of them thinking about what the best thing to do was. I told my friend that I wanted return home before Christmas. He seemed upset and offered to contribute to the air fare, and I accepted. Was this wrong of me? seeing as everyone makes mistakes, and he's also been a great host apart from this incident. I dont know anymore. All I know is in my shoes, he would have accepted my contribution. I accepted for him to pay just less than two thirds of my flight back. The truth of the matter is that I paid for this entire holiday, and tried to be the best guest possible by taking them out to dinner on a few occassions and always contributing wherever necessary. The bottom line is we had originally planned to travel together for three months and due to his girlfriend concerns about being left alone, it has now been reduced to two weeks. My dad says he would cover any costs incurred and I should accept no money, but my logic is its a point of priciple and, my dads generousity aside, it would make me look like a walkover and mean the inconvenience caused to me would be overlooked. But still he is m friend, and the friendship is worth more than 200 pounds.
...............................
A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (7 December 2008):
Sorry to hear that your vacation turned into such a hassle for you! Well, the fare back will probably cost a fair amount no matter when you leave. if you are no longer enjoying your time there then don't stay, it will only frustrate you. It is not fair of your friend to ask you to make yourself scarce to help placate his GF over something HE decided. The fault here is his.
That said, if he is as subject to her control as it sounds like he is, he will probably not change his behavior or admit that he is in the wrong as long as she is on his case about this. Book your flight as soon as possible and then use the time between now and your departure to sort through the complications you mention. And you may want to rethink friendship with this guy if he's ready to screw you over in order to cater to his girlfriend's immaturity. Good luck =]
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): maybe he didnt realise how it would affect his girlfriend and his relationship. He obviously cares for her feelings. Go home if your not feeling welcome anymore there isnt anything else you can do. He prob doesnt want to hurt your feelings either.
...............................
|
