A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:Okay, so here's my story. My and my friend Jim have hung out for years, we've both been singletons all this time, and always made time for each other and kind of were there for each other when goings were hard. This year we both started our Masters courses and got girlfriends. This has obviously meant our friendship has changed and we've had to adapt our lifestyles, perhaps less time to eat pizza and watch dvds, go to parties like we use to. Jim is totally head over heels in love with his girlfriend. He spent the first 6 months in denial over the fact he was besotted, and now he's finally with her he seems very happy. Well, I'm not sure he's happy and secure because he feels the constant need to tell me updates around their sex life, plans for the next six months, her life and so forth. At first I was interested and please that my friend had found someone who made him happy. But now its starting to really grate, he's obsessed by her, and forgets that before he got with her there was an individual. Now he'll arrange to meet up with me and then cancel the night before because she wants to see him, or meet up with me and talk about her non-stop, even when I'm clearly not that interested. I thought the best thing would be to subtley tell him how annoying he has become with his obsessive streak, he apologised and said he understand, and then returned to the obsessing. So I thought perhaps I should hang out with other friends for a while, while he got over the novelty of his first relationship and became a bit less self-involved. He got annoyed by this and said I wasn't making time for him. Now I'm in the situation whereby, I get annoyed by his company, cos its clear he's much rather be with his girlfriend and it's no fun to be around someone who pines all the time. Is it me or him who has the problem? And what is the best way to deal with this situation? It's a situation I've found myself in in the past, and in the end I got so fed up with my other friend acting like a love-sick cliché that I cut them off. This is not necessarily the best or wisest way to deal with people who go mad when they fall in love. Any advise for me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): Get a chick yourself and all go for pizza together and have fun and stop been childish it does not suit you, what about when your future wife has your baby? will you feel left out when she has a love affair with the children?.
A
male
reader, MrOveranalysing +, writes (5 August 2008):
MrOveranalysing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPerhaps, you are a bit right about that.And your advice about not seeing him so much is what I'm doing. But its a problem I've had with other friends, whereby I feel like they kind of drop you and all their attention goes to their new love interest. Having never been in love (in the traditional Romeo and Juliet enduring sense of the word), I find it hard to understand how some people just seem to lose many of their senses and just act a bit bizarrely and irrationally when they fall in love with another. I guess part of the problem is realising that for some people finding and fulfilling the desire to find a soulmate/partner seems to be completely overwhelming and overrides all other things, and friends are important but are expected to stay with you no matter what (within reason). Equally, that as a friend (even a dear one) that doesn't fill the same space as a girlfriend. And generally partners come first.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 August 2008):
 Sounds like you are just the teeniest jealous of your friend's total enrapture with someone else (not in a gay way mind you). Or maybe you are envious of his happiness? either way if he's annoying you then don't hang out with him as much. Maybe if you don't see each other as often you will have much more to catch up on when you do sit down and chat and the girlfriend subject won't be as irritating.
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