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... Send *ekten a private message | | | *ekten's profile:I'm in my early 30's and going through a bit of a rough patch in my relationship, which is why and how I found this site.
I like to see other people's questions and situations. Sometimes I can answer them, especially when it comes to deciphering the male mind. As a male, it's crystal clear to me; my problem is with the female mind (at least the female that's my girlfriend).
If there's anything else you'd like to know, just ask :-) I don't know why exactly someone would like to know more, but hey, it's possible. If that's the case, then please also include your reason, because it will surely arouse my interest! |
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His friends lied about me, so he broke up with me!
Q. Dear cupid, My boyfriend broke up with me just because his friends said that i was talking to another guys "online" but i told him i wasn't and all he can say is that I'm lying and and why i gotta lie. i really do like this boy so much! He mean ...
A. 11 June 2010: If he's in your age range, he's still am immature boy. They take much longer to grow up than girls.
He's probably still in the phase where he says one thing but means another.
And you still have to learn that the boys should fight for attent... (read in full...)
How can I stop masturbating?
Q. So, I really want to get married some day. I know deep down that if I'm going to have a successful relationship with my wife, I have to be the best I can be. That is, I know I have to end my addictions, such as porn and masturbation. Parasites like ...
A. 11 June 2010: Okay, I've thought about this a bit from your angle. It is your question, after all. Not mine.
Let's skip the Bible talk and get to the root of the problem:
You see yourself as a good/moral person who always wants to do the right thing........ (read in full...)
How can I stop masturbating?
Q. So, I really want to get married some day. I know deep down that if I'm going to have a successful relationship with my wife, I have to be the best I can be. That is, I know I have to end my addictions, such as porn and masturbation. Parasites like ...
A. 10 June 2010: One more thing I'd like to add:
If God really keeps a real-time log of the sexual activities of 6 billion people, then maybe God is the biggest watcher of porn there is :-)... (read in full...)
How can I stop masturbating?
Q. So, I really want to get married some day. I know deep down that if I'm going to have a successful relationship with my wife, I have to be the best I can be. That is, I know I have to end my addictions, such as porn and masturbation. Parasites like ...
A. 10 June 2010: Interesting: so first you refer to the story of Onan in the Bible as justification. Then, when I point out that the story has *nothing* to do with masturbation, you go "although not stated in the Bible... etc"
Hey.... red flag.... looks like we ... (read in full...)
How can I stop masturbating?
Q. So, I really want to get married some day. I know deep down that if I'm going to have a successful relationship with my wife, I have to be the best I can be. That is, I know I have to end my addictions, such as porn and masturbation. Parasites like ...
A. 10 June 2010: @ daywiththedonut
The guy who was struck down for spilling his seed was Onan.
God killed his older brother, Er and then commanded Onan to impregnate his brother's widow. Onan refused to do so and as killed by God as well.
So please expla... (read in full...)
His friends lied about me, so he broke up with me!
Q. Dear cupid, My boyfriend broke up with me just because his friends said that i was talking to another guys "online" but i told him i wasn't and all he can say is that I'm lying and and why i gotta lie. i really do like this boy so much! He mean ...
A. 10 June 2010: Frankly, he sounds like a dork. If he believes his friends over you, then he's not worth fighting for.... (read in full...)
She initially told me she had a high sex drive! But since moving in together, I've been living like a monk!
Q. Hi there - i'm looking for some advice please... I have been with my girlfriend for roughly a year now, and she recently moved in with me. We have a really good relationship, we're both kind people and considerate and loving to each other. Now we'v...
A. 10 June 2010: I don't think she's doing it on purpose... but maybe there's some kind of medical reason? Or something from her past? Is she taking the pill? One side-effect of the pill is lower sex drive.
One option could be to get counseling, either together... (read in full...)
My new husband refuses to spend time with me and swears at me when I ask him to!
Q. I asked my husband that he should spend more time with me. We have only been married for 5 months and he doesn't spend time with me. We are intimate like 2 or3 times a month or two max. Whenever, i bring this spending time together question he ...
A. 10 June 2010: Was he this way before the marriage as well?
How long have you known eachother before you got married?... (read in full...)
Yes or no to sex?
Q. im the jealous type to..i've been in a relationship from since 2008 october 6th n i still have the guy..yh we run out of things to say but eventually he always seems to find something to talk about at one point in time...we never had sex..i want to ...
A. 9 June 2010: Okay, lesson #1 about sex: don't do it, unless you feel absolutely comfortable. Otherwise, you'll just end up feeling regretful later on.
Just enjoy your youth and don't worry about these things just yet.... (read in full...)
A crisis of faith
Q. Hi there. I'm on my gap year and during it i met the most amazing girl and we are coming up to our one year anniversary, and for our anniversary (in a month and a half) i named a star in the sky for her. I sent it to her early because im going...
A. 9 June 2010: Ah, interesting. The good thing here is that you have a reference scenario from the past. If you've already managed to (temporarily) overcome the problem, then surely you can do it again.
But no matter how hard you try, you cannot have 100% con... (read in full...)
How can I stop masturbating?
Q. So, I really want to get married some day. I know deep down that if I'm going to have a successful relationship with my wife, I have to be the best I can be. That is, I know I have to end my addictions, such as porn and masturbation. Parasites like ...
A. 9 June 2010: If we're going to use Bible quotes, don't forget Matthew 18-9:
"And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire."
... (read in full...)
How can I stop masturbating?
Q. So, I really want to get married some day. I know deep down that if I'm going to have a successful relationship with my wife, I have to be the best I can be. That is, I know I have to end my addictions, such as porn and masturbation. Parasites like ...
A. 9 June 2010: Masturbation is healthy and normal. Don't fret about it. And it's done in almost every single marriage. What's done in the bedroom is people's private business. Same for you and your future wife.
As for morals: sure, it's easy to think in absolute... (read in full...)
A crisis of faith
Q. Hi there. I'm on my gap year and during it i met the most amazing girl and we are coming up to our one year anniversary, and for our anniversary (in a month and a half) i named a star in the sky for her. I sent it to her early because im going...
A. 9 June 2010: You need to get your thought processes under control: if you can't control your own thoughts, then don't even think about controlling hers.
From what I can tell, that's your "problem": your thoughts/emotions are controlling you, not the other wa... (read in full...)
Should I stay or should I go?
Q. I am trying to decide whether to stay with my husband of 20 years. We have four children together, ages 4 to 13. I just am not in love with him anymore. I can honestly look at him and feel empty. When I told him this, he was devestated. He ...
A. 9 June 2010: What bugs me here is that he was apparently lousy to you for 20 years, but once you put your foot down... presto, he can change after all.
Whatever you decide to do, I think you should have at least a few months to yourself where you live apart. I... (read in full...)
Girlfriend not making contact - do I chase it or leave it?
Q. Here's the situation. My g/f of just over a year is finishing her college course at the moment, and pretty stressed by it. She hasn't been in touch for several days (and no response to messages). This itself wouldn’t bother me (I know what that ...
A. 9 June 2010: If only logic and emotion could give you the same conclusion...
But let's think logically here: what were your thoughts and dreams about "the one" before you met her? In your dream scenario, is this what you envisioned?
Just take some distan... (read in full...)
A crisis of faith
Q. Hi there. I'm on my gap year and during it i met the most amazing girl and we are coming up to our one year anniversary, and for our anniversary (in a month and a half) i named a star in the sky for her. I sent it to her early because im going...
A. 9 June 2010: Communication is key: if you're going to work as a couple, you have to be able to talk clearly about what you both want.
The thing you *don't* want to talk about over and over is the topic of "do you still love me?" -- that'll make you look des... (read in full...)
She told me she likes us as friends...but then she was flirty with me! Very confusing!
Q. Very confusing for me... So two weeks ago, I asked my friend of 4 years if she wanted to take our relationship to the next level. She said she likes us the way we are - friends. Last weekend, my friends and I went on a retreat - she was ther...
A. 9 June 2010: She seems unsure about what she wants. Maybe it's a bit more than friends, but less than a relationship? Only she knows.
Your best bet would be simply to ask her.
Communication is key, both in a friendship and a relationship.
If you're meant... (read in full...)
Girlfriend not making contact - do I chase it or leave it?
Q. Here's the situation. My g/f of just over a year is finishing her college course at the moment, and pretty stressed by it. She hasn't been in touch for several days (and no response to messages). This itself wouldn’t bother me (I know what that ...
A. 9 June 2010: My advice would be to have one calm phone call with her to clear things up. It will give you the answer you need and, if need be, closure.
Unless she indicates clearly and unequivocally (without saying things like "maybe", "guess so", etc) tha... (read in full...)
I'm worried the man I have met online might think I am a gold digger!
Q. Hi all, I hope you can help me out on this one. I got talking to this guy on a free online dating site. He is a decade older than me and just instant messaged me out of the blue. We talked for a few hours online and exchanged numbers etc. H...
A. 9 June 2010: If he mentioned things like driving a Porsche, then maybe he was already wanting to try to impress you a bit?
I think it's smart of you to do a google-check on him. There should be NOTHING wrong with looking at some publicly available data.
... (read in full...)
Should I stay or should I go?
Q. I am trying to decide whether to stay with my husband of 20 years. We have four children together, ages 4 to 13. I just am not in love with him anymore. I can honestly look at him and feel empty. When I told him this, he was devestated. He ...
A. 9 June 2010: Well, if you've got a whole *20 years* invested into the relationship, then giving counseling a shot wouldn't be that bad.
What I do find worrisome, however, is that it was apparently normal for you to be mistreated. And openly, in front of your ... (read in full...)
A crisis of faith
Q. Hi there. I'm on my gap year and during it i met the most amazing girl and we are coming up to our one year anniversary, and for our anniversary (in a month and a half) i named a star in the sky for her. I sent it to her early because im going...
A. 9 June 2010: I'm glad you found my comment helpful! BTW, I think baddogbj posted a very useful comment. You're dealing with a "paradox": the more effort you put in trying to keep someone with you, the more she'll see you as clingy and not want to be with you. ... (read in full...)
Are the good days worth the bad ones?
Q. My boyfriend is becoming a jerk. Hes getting on facebook a lot changing his password and talking to some of his exes. Im not mad at all about it but hes lieing to me when i ask. I dont know if this is a sign but im scared to find out. I confronted ...
A. 9 June 2010: This is only going to get worse.
The only option is to get on with your life, as painful as it is going to be at first.... (read in full...)
My sex drive is way up!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 1.5 years and have a great sex life, usually 6-8 times a week and we both are always satisfied. Neither of us masturbate because it feels better when we do have sex. Lately though, my sex drive has ...
A. 9 June 2010: You said you got off the pill. Did you know that one of the known side-effects of the pill is a lower sex drive? So that could be it.
As for what your boyfriend: holy crap, he's one lucky bastard!... (read in full...)
Still in love with my ex and don't know what to do!
Q. I just don't know what to do. When I first met my ex it was love at first sight we starting going on great dates, and I lost my virginity to him but it felt right and he was comfortable with it. From the moment we met we were bf/gf and even though I ...
A. 9 June 2010: It appears he only remembers your existence when he needs you, but not when you need him.
I think you should move on and find a guy who can return all that you have to offer.
This one is not the guy. It's hard when it's your first guy... but... (read in full...)
A crisis of faith
Q. Hi there. I'm on my gap year and during it i met the most amazing girl and we are coming up to our one year anniversary, and for our anniversary (in a month and a half) i named a star in the sky for her. I sent it to her early because im going...
A. 9 June 2010: Ah, but you have BOTH invested into your relationship. She stands to lose something as well.
Just keep in touch every day. With Skype and such, calling is cheap no matter how far apart you are.
You might even find out you have more to talk abo... (read in full...)
2 questions about my relationship: Is it wrong due to our age difference and why does she not get horny around me?
Q. i actually have two questions. one is im 17 gonna be 18 in september 5 and my girlfreind is 15 gonna be 16 on september 1 is there anything wrong with us being together even with the age difference? like honestly where i live its legal even if we di...
A. 8 June 2010: The age difference isn't a problem, IMO.
You can wait with the sex stuff for a bit, though. No need to rush it.
You can of course pressure her into it, but it'll drive her away for sure. Probably not what you want.... (read in full...)
A crisis of faith
Q. Hi there. I'm on my gap year and during it i met the most amazing girl and we are coming up to our one year anniversary, and for our anniversary (in a month and a half) i named a star in the sky for her. I sent it to her early because im going...
A. 8 June 2010: Calm down and grow some self-confidence.
If you're meant to be, then things will turn out OK.
Some weeks apart is not the biggest hurdle relationships face. If that's too much, then don't even bother getting into the rest.
Either way, you... (read in full...)
She gets mad because I don't agree with her
Q. I don't know what to do. My gf gets mad whenever I don't agree with her. She looks at it in a disloyal way although I'm just trying to say my opinion. I told her, if she wants to be with someone who always agrees on her opinion, she should just get ...
A. 8 June 2010: It sounds like she's in conflict with what she wants.
If all her exes are the agreeing type, then maybe that wasn't what she was looking for, right? After all, they're exes.
It seems to be that your mind is already made up rationally, but ... (read in full...)
I feel like a failure as a parent!
Q. I feel like a failure as a parent. I am a successful business man, volunteer firfighter and little league coach. I have been open with my kids (20 yr old son and 17 yr old twins a son and a daughter). My wife passed away when my twins were 3yr old. ...
A. 7 June 2010: You're not a failure at all. You're just dealing with problems that are way over your head -- or anyone's head.
In my opinion, what you need to do is seek some kind of professional assistance to get some structure into your lives.
Either it'll ... (read in full...)
I'm gutted after learning my wife has been cheating for years
Q. just found out my wife has been cheating for years i feel everything i held to be true is false too many feelings she blames me could that be true...
A. 7 June 2010: Friend, it's time to go talk to a lawyer. And get proof of the cheating, it'll help you.
Learn whatever you can from this debacle and use that in your next relationship. It will be so much better.... (read in full...)
Feeling stuck in long term relationship
Q. Hi Cupid I’ve been struggling with my situation for quite some time and have recently taken some time apart from my partner. We have been together for 3 years and live together – he is 30 and a chef, I am 28 and a professional social worker. I...
A. 7 June 2010: Your friends and family are right: you should go.
You know why? Because there's a wonderful guy out there who will respect you and take time for you..... and you're saying "no" to that great guy because you want to be with some jackass instead.... (read in full...)
I want to make her my first priority
Q. My ex and I started hanging out and talking again. We flirted, but I know she is dating a new guy (from just after we broke up, her best friend). I told her to stop stringing me along bc I still have feelings for her (i was pretty mean). It turns ...
A. 27 April 2010: She can't get together with you while still being with another guy... maybe she should dump him first?
Frankly, I think you should make yourself your first priority. Take this opportunity to grow as a person and get the kind of relation... (read in full...)
Should I be open about my past or keep quiet?
Q. Ok I'm in a major dilemma.. I'm getting married to this really wonderful guy and we have been seeing each other for over a year now.... I have been in a relation before this and have kissed my ex boyfriend but I have not revealed this to my fianc...
A. 26 April 2010: So wait, you ONLY kissed your ex boyfriend and nothing more?
Wow.
Please, don't worry about it.... (read in full...)
Should I choose love and appreciation over money?
Q. I am for now a single women. I have been getting to know two guys that I really like. One guy is going to be very successful but I'm afraid he won't have time for me and our relationship. The other guy is just your average Joe but with him there is ...
A. 26 April 2010: Here's another idea: work on making money yourself. Then you can choose any man you like instead of being dependent on one :-)... (read in full...)
Girl rejects me and then wants to talk to me. Whats her deal?
Q. So I ask this one girl out very nicely (just asked if she wanted to go to a show my cousin is playing at and grab dinner or something) and she said she had something to do. So i dint know if she was rejecting me or if she actually had something to ...
A. 26 April 2010: It seems to me like you played the situation very well. Instead of whining or insisting like many guys do, you were mature about it and walked away.
She's not pitying you. Quite the opposite.... (read in full...)
I want to make her my first priority
Q. My ex and I started hanging out and talking again. We flirted, but I know she is dating a new guy (from just after we broke up, her best friend). I told her to stop stringing me along bc I still have feelings for her (i was pretty mean). It turns ...
A. 26 April 2010: Okay, let's go over some of your points:
1. She is dating a new guy who is/was her best friend. Is there any indication she's unhappy with him? Doesn't seem to be the case.
2. When she tries to reconcile a relationship, it means trying to ... (read in full...)
Is this heavy petting and will it lead to sex?
Q. My boyfriend whom i have been together for 2 months want to touch my breast and vagina when we are french kissing. Should I allow him to do that? Is that considered heavy petting and if I agreed to it will that be leading him on to sex?...
A. 22 April 2010: There's a really simple answer here:
You should allow him to do that IF and ONLY IF that's what YOU want too.
If you do happen to like heavy petting, then whatever happens next is ALSO up to you. You have no obligation whatsoever.
T... (read in full...)
She forced me to tell her that I was gay! Leave it or tell her I was lying?
Q. Hi I've just cone back from school and last lesson I was a bit awkward because over the holidays I discovered I was gay and I'm not sure how I should act around my friends (that are straight guys) and my classes because my personality has sort of ...
A. 19 April 2010: What you should do is be honest with yourself and with others. It's not that big a deal.
You shouldn't act differently either, just be the person you always were... except that you won't have a silly secret.
One thing: it's not a lifestyle CHOI... (read in full...)
My girlfriend had sex with another guy, but she says she was too drunk to realize what was happening.
Q. Hey everyone. My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 3 years now. We went through a rough patch about 1 year into our relationship that I rationalized as her "waking up" and maturing. She was in love with alcohol, like so many young ...
A. 19 April 2010: In my opinion, you need to evaluate the relationship based on how it has been for the past months/year(s). She should, however, make every effort to make sure she doesn't relapse. There's no negotiation room when it comes to drinking.... (read in full...)
My mum found out I have been smoking and now she is mad at me, what can I do?
Q. my mum just found out i was smoking, she found them in my bag she no longer trusts me, coz she asked me ages ago if i smoked and i said no i only said no because i didnt want to hurt her she is acting like its the end of the world i have 3 brot...
A. 16 April 2010: Simple: stop smoking. It's the mature thing to do.
It's likely that you'll need some help since it's highly addictive. See if there's a counselor or something at your school. That person should be able to help. You're not the only one dealing ... (read in full...)
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