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My new husband refuses to spend time with me and swears at me when I ask him to!

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Question - (10 June 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 11 June 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I asked my husband that he should spend more time with me. We have only been married for 5 months and he doesn't spend time with me. We are intimate like 2 or3 times a month or two max. Whenever, i bring this spending time together question he says to leave me the fuck alone. It hurt me on the inside. please help me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Nope, he wasn't like that when we dated. He use to spend time with me almost every other day, and if he didn't see me for a day he would call. I have dated him for like for 3 yrs before marriage and this our 4th year together in a relationship. I do love him very much and I would do anything for him but telling me "Leave me the fuck alone" really hurts.I don't know what is going on with him. He won't discuss anything with me. I'm willing to listen to him if something is bothering him especially at dinner time. I am a house wife taking care of him,and going to college full-time.Iam also preparing for the DAT( Dental admission Test) too.According to him if we are both at home that is spending together but he is on the computer after work and I after studying watch Tv. I don't think that is spending time together. The other thing, he yells at me if i bring something like spend time with me.I get scared each time he yells because he yells right at my face. if I start crying he comes where Iam and gives me a hug and tells me he loves me. Please help me. I don't won't to lose him.

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A male reader, Honest Answer United States +, writes (10 June 2010):

Honest Answer agony auntYou need to set your husband down and let him know exactly how you feel. There could be a compromise.

When I married, my wife knew that I had an obsession with golf, but at the same time I also had a comitment to our marriage.

As a compromise, I gave her every Saturday in the year. (I work Monday-Friday). That is her day. If she wants to go to the movies, the opera, the ballet, shopping, or just sit at home together, that is perfectly fine. What ever she chooses, I am 100% game.

So there is never a complaint on Sunday when I go out with the boys after church. I have tried to get her to golf too, but she chooses other hobbies to keep herself occupied.

But at the end of the day, your husband needs to find balance in his life. When he said "I do" he did so on his own volition. Let him know how you feel, and if he is unwilling to change, you need to re-evaluate your relationship.

Good Luck!

Jeff

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (10 June 2010):

Your husband actually doesn't give a damn about you. I know you're hurting, but I'm not sure that this marriage is actually going anywhere. If he wont' change and is just swearing at you when you ask him to spend time with you, then I think it's time to think about moving on. You mustn't stay in a marriage like this.

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A male reader, Dekten Netherlands +, writes (10 June 2010):

Was he this way before the marriage as well?

How long have you known eachother before you got married?

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