A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I posted a similar question a while back but I need some more help now more than ever.Long story short, my parents and i all went camping for three days and I told my gf that it may be hard to talk since I'll be in the middle of the woods/at the beach for three days, but told her once i get the chance we can talk for a bit. Understandable in my POV, but I guess not for her. On our way back home my phone died (crappy Apple battery lol) and my charger stopped working (again, crappy Apple quality). But thankfully when I got home my grandmother got me a new cable and when I went on my phone, oh boy. I got a bunch of messages from her saying how 'I love seeing her upset' and 'how she doesn't matter to me.' I told her that i was busy those past three days but she kept telling me how 'im not getting the point.' She then told me she's 'Gonna go do something she should've done long ago' (this isn't the first time she's threatened her own wellbeing) and comes back 10 minutes later. I apologized and she said 'oh it's ok' and went back to normal like nothing happened and compliments how 'beautiful i look in my new profile picture.' I really honestly don't know what to do. This is just a constant struggle I've been dealing with everyday for the last five months and i honestly don't know what to do. Im so emotionally and physically drained, I just need some help. Am I in the wrong here? Any advice would help and sorry for the long post??
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2017): I had a guy who kept threatening to kill himself, and I was only around fifteen at the time. It was about stupid things, but similar to how she talks to you. It has messed me up ever since. I'm so glad I got out when I did, before it did too much damage. I blocked him, deleted him, avoided him. It is all you can really do. She will not change. People don't just do that. You are not responsible for her well-being, and you are not her keeper. It took me a while to understand this, and a few months of trying to keep my friend alive was really just him playing me for a fool.Most people who do this are only looking for attention. I blocked my friend who did this, and they lived on. They will move on. They will find someone else to emotionally abuse other than you. You need to think about yourself. Can you live like this the rest of your life? No? Then, run.The faster you get out, the less damage you'll realize that she will do later on in life. Trust me. And you don't have to apologize for a "long post". Your words matter. Your feelings matter. You matterFrom, someone who still deals with trusting others because of that one asshole years ago
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (20 July 2017):
 OP would this be the previous post you're referring to; 2 July 2017 – My LDR girlfriend gets obsessive when I am with my family or friends
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-ldr-girlfriend-gets-obsessive-when-i-am.html
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (20 July 2017):
Where do you see this relationship going? TRUST ME, if you have become tired of it after a few months, wait until you have been together for a decade and have a couple of little kids!
She needs counseling, and if she's not willing to get it, you should bail.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (20 July 2017):
 I'm no expert on mental health but I can spot an unhealthy relationship easily enough, and this is definitely an unhealthy relationship. You have only been in this relationship a short while, yet already you are feeling drained. A relationship is supposed to make you a better person and help you grow, not drain you. Can you see yourself doing this for another 5 months or 5 years? You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it on people who drain you.
Your girlfriend's threats to harm herself are emotional blackmail and, if she truly means them (and is not just using them to get attention or to try to control you), then her problems are way deeper than your very short relationship and YOU can't "fix" them. She needs professional help.
In your shoes I would be terminating this relationship whlie you still have some sense of perspective left. Be kind but firm. Tell her it is not working for you and you both need to move on. Wish her luck and block her, otherwise you will be getting lots more messages which - because you are obviously a good guy - will make you feel bad. Don't allow her to manipulate you.
Be strong. Enjoy your life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 July 2017):
 You are constantly struggling with this relationship and have been for 5 months. You apologize for things you don't HAVE to apologize for - she KNEW you would be unavailable for 3 days and still threw fits over it. You write that you are emotionally and physically drained... That is NOT how people ought to feel in a good healthy relationship.
I don't know if she has any disorder other than being controlling and clingy. (I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone).
Are there any plans for making this LDR a NON-LD (as in move closer to each other) or are there no plans for that at all?
Personally? I think I would end it. She doesn't sound happy, you don't sound happy. You sound like you are just in this LDR out of pity or because you haven't figured out how to end it.
But I think that is the way to go. End it and CUT all contact. Don't leave her room to manipulate you to feel sorry for her and start back up again.
Her threatening suicide (I'm guessing you mean with the "she's threatened her own well-being" statement) it's NOT a good reason to STAY together. She might need help and YOU can't fix what's up.
Let her go. Afterward, BLOCK/DELETE her on everything or my guess is she will "threatened her own well-being" again.
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