A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex who I broke up with about 5 months ago asked me if I wanted to hang out yesterday with her and her kids and we spent the whole day together playing in the pool and stuff at the house and cooking dinner. We have been good friends the last couple months and have a built a good foundation she even comes over to visit me every once in a while or I will go visit her and the kids. I even flirt with her more than I probably should somedays and most of the time she flirts back. I try to get close to her as often as I can and she never tells me to back off she tells me I'm amazing every so often and gives me hugs tighter than she did when we were actually together. I want to get back together and I have a gut feeling that she does too. I've tremendously worked on myself and the issues that caused the breakup and I can't see her letting the kids get close to me if she didn't want something more than friends. I know there's nobody else in the picture cuz she always talks to me and it's like we are always seeing or making time for each other. I do love her and her kids and I know I was a fool to leave I just want to fix things and be together again please any advice on what to do is appreciated!! How should I go about asking her and apoplogizong for reconciliation?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2017): You know what? You have a wounded heart. Just as a scab was forming over that wound, you started picking and peeling it off. It's going to hurt even more when you find-out she only wants to be friends, and nothing more. You're holding on to false-hope. You're being extra-good; just like we did as kids the week before Christmas, or Hanukkah.
Being friends after a breakup can't happen until you're over the broken-relationship and romantically-detached from each other. When all you can feel for the other person is "platonic-friendship." As long as you're pining for the old relationship, you're delaying the healing process. You're totally in the middle of your breakup emotions. Which runs in phases. Then dopamine-withdrawal; which is wicked. The broken-heart spasms and tear-spillage is vicious!
You're only playing nice trying to woo her back. You're going to be terribly disappointed. She's probably trying to keep things civil; so the kids slowly adjust to the separation. That's not wise either.
You can offer an apology and reconciliation speech if you like. People don't change over-night. They change only for the time it takes to manipulate things to ease their pain; because they can't stand the grief. Then back to where they left-off, and the second breakup is even worse than the first. Everybody is still the same, and the same problems are there that broke them up.
The euphoria from being at peace and being civil to each other is temporary. It's a psychological-truce and false-promise you'll be a good boy. But for how long?
I recommend you prepare yourself in-case the answer is no, and the deals off the table.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (8 August 2017):
 This is like going back to the drawing board... you’re basically dating again; hanging out with each other, feeling comfortable and building the all important trust. Except this time you’re placing your neck on the line to be trusted again? Will you leave again; abandon the relationship for whatever reason next time?
The danger of course is to jump ahead of this stage, before knowing if all has been forgiven in a woman’s mind; before having that much needed discussion where you lay all the cards out on the table. Here you may think you’ve changed and have done so, but proof is yet to be established by not reverting back to the old style behaviour. I think one can take his time a little while longer for her to find out if this is true.
I believe what you have going at present is a great honeymoon period, “hugs tighter than before” “flirting” It’s such a buzz, a WOW factor for you both. It’s exciting, rediscovering each other, fun and a little (sexually) frustrating, right? Yet as a woman who’s reconciled before I would like more of it and not like to see it lost or fade thereafter.
I believe it'll fall into place if it's meant to be.
Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 August 2017):
 What did you do that caused the break-up?
Is that issued talked about and dealt with?
If not, sit her down (not with the kids around) and tell her how you feel and perhaps ask her what she needs from you.
She might be OK with "just" being friends. If that is the answer, can YOU handle that?
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (7 August 2017):
I think you should be honest with her, and tell her you screwed things, and that you have been working on yourself to improve yourself, and that you will understand that if she doesn't wants you back in her life. Tell her what you feel about her and her kids, and guarantee that you won't keep repeating the same mistakes. If she accepts you back, you need to really KEEP DOING the work on yourself you need to do, because otherwise things will get bad again.She and her kids need you more than you think, so I think she'll want you back, and if you really care about them, then by all means, get back together, and don't let them down. Best luck!
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