A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are taking his son, (6) from a previous relationship on holiday with us in September, along with our son (19 months). My sister, brother in law and two nephews (3 and 4) will be there too. I thought everything was good between me and his ex, but last night she sent me a nasty message via Facebook, saying that she would never have allowed my boyfriend to book their son on the holiday if she had known my sister and her family would be joining us out there. She has never met my sister as she doesn't live near by, and I don't understand her reaction. I thought she might have been drunk so I ingorned it but I did tell my boyfriend. He had told her months ago that my sister had booked into the same hotel later in the week. He said she was probably upset that we didn't ask her permission before planning for my sister to join us as she's very protective of their son but he has met my sister and her family before, and he gets on well with my nephews. We have stayed at their house before and she has never had a problem with that so I'm not sure why she has raised this. I tried to ring her today but she didn't answer and I've text her asking for her to ring either me or my boyfriend whenever she can. I don't want to cause any upset and it is still our family holiday. My sister flies out 3 days later, and we will only be together for 4 days before we fly home so it's not like we will be spending everyday together. Have I done wrong in trying to include my stepson in a family holiday or should I just ingore her message. She has a nasty tounge when she has had a drink, but this is the first time she aimed it at me.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (8 August 2017):
 She (the EX-wife) is very protective of their son... yeah sure up to a certain point like normal Mums are, but the rest is a load of BS! It’s about her losing control! So please don’t go losing control yourself or stooping to her level by giving her a well deserved reply... Sorry to hear you’re off you Meds
Here she’s finally shown her true colours as nothing but a spiteful boozy bytch when she’s gone ahead to attack you over a family holiday. Had you, your family been a band of drug dealers or Gypsies then fair enough for any concern, period!
I suggest you IGNORE the woman, always have your BF deal with those issues, but keep record of her UNFIT drinking behaviour; for the day may come for his son to live with you, in a more loving sober family environment?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 August 2017):
 I would leave her be. Honestly? Her opinion about who you JOIN on vacation is irrelevant, it's NOT up to her.
Now I get that she feels protective of her son (which is good, a mother SHOULD be protective) but what has your sister done that justify this anger? Is there a legit reason she is throwing this "fit"? If not, ignore it.
You tried to reach out and let her verbalize WHY she is upset. MY guess is she CAN'T - at least not without sounding like a total idiot.
Also, I would suggest you stop trying to placate her. IF she has issues with what's going on she should be talking to her son's FATHER, not you.
Go on vacation, have a great time and try not to worry about this issue.
I think it's LOVELY that you are including your step-son in your vacation as he is part of the family now.
Has she perhaps not been able to afford a vacation this year, and is mad that SHE isn't the one giving her son this experience? That would be my top guess.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (5 August 2017):
The ex has no say on what your boyfriend does with the boy while they are together. You and the boyfriend have done nothing wrong. The ex is trying to maintain control over your boyfriend thru the boy. You and your boyfriend should ignore her and enjoy your family holiday.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Geri +, writes (5 August 2017):
You've have done absolutely nothing wrong! As you say, you are just trying to include your step son, after all, he is part of your family too. I think the ex is a little jealous, and yeah she will be skepitcal, she's trusting you and your partner with her child. I understand that the child is your partners son too, but it never stops you worrying, or fearing the worst. You've also mentioned that she has never met your sister. This could be another factor in the whole protective/jealousy thing. She's clearly going to be anxious. She's doesn't know your sister or brother-in-law from Adam. I would advice speaking to the ex in person. Explain to her that you don't want to upset her in anyway, but you didn't think your sister coming was going to be problem. Ask her why she feels that way about your sisters family going? If she's worried then fair enough. Try to arrange a time where she can talk your sister. Either in person or even FaceTime/Skype. Anything to put her mind at rest so you can actually enjoy your holiday. Because chances are if the problem isn't resolved then you'll spend a good few hours of your holiday replying to her every message. Also get your partner involved. You need to tell him, maybe he knows why she's acting like that and can help resolve the situation.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (5 August 2017):
 One can only imagine, but my guess is that she resents the fact that her ex' now has another (happier) life with you and that, significantly, she is excluded from this holiday with your family.
The only bargaining tool she has, and a means to hurt her ex', is the child.
If I were you I would shut this from your mind. It needs to be his past and not your future.
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