A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My finance and I bought a house together at the beginning of the year. I paid for the entire down payment out of my savings account, with the understanding that he will pay me back for his half. In addition, I also put 25K into our joint account to cover expenses for the renovation, bills, etc. also with the understanding that he will contribute to that account as well. This was 4 months ago, he hasn't paid me back for his half of the down payment and he also hasn't deposited a single cent into our joint account. Basically I've been paying for everything with my life savings. I don't have any money left in my personal account. Granted, he did all the work on the house. All the renovations and everything, he did himself which saved us a ton of money. Also, I make a lot more than he does. Given these 2 things, I am willing and ok with paying more. But before we bought the house, we did agree to share the costs and that he would contribute to the financial costs. But now, I'm feeling really resentful because the money is gone and we need more to cover our costs. He's asked me to put more money into our account and has said that he will pay for a third of it. I'm pretty mad about this because I feel like I contributed so much in the beginning and now I have to give even more. I feel like he should pay for the additional costs out of his pocket since again, he didn't give me half of the down payment or deposit anything to our account so far. I feel like this is highly unfair. But I also don't know how to approach him about this without sounding petty about money. I just feel really unsettled about this. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of financially. Any advice and thoughts would be great!!! I'm really struggling with this issue. Thanks!
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (7 August 2017):
The real issue here is that your husband can't keep his promises, which is a bad thing.
You need to :
a) Cool down
b) Gather courage
c) Do a rehearsal of how and what you want to tell him
d) Avoid getting angry or start crying.
e) Execute your plan.
You need to sit down, and talk, and let him know how you feel about that money, let him know that he need to put his share of the responsibility with the house payments, and that he needs to keep his promises. If he can't keep his promises, you need to make contracts with him on every agreement and decision you both reach, so that you can feel better about buying this house with him.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 August 2017):
 Sorry to say so, but legally speaking you are screwed. He now owns half the house and you paid for everything. No written and signed agreement of him paying you back either, I suppose? Then you might as well count that money as lost. Getting it back rests solely on his good will. Do not put yourself in such a situation again. But be brave and have that discussion about money with him.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (6 August 2017):
 In short, you need to stop dancing around the table with your Fiancée and tell him you’re not the Bank of America; he needs to honour his word in giving you what he said he’d do! Starting from now as the wishing well has gone dry. Otherwise he’ll keep taking you for granted, none the wiser, while you sit there stewing, building up a wall of resentment that will only cause rot and decay in your relationship.
When he asks for more money; that is your opportunity to remind him of him keeping his word? It’s time for him to contribute his (financial) share into this home, other than in labour and or discuss alternative payment solutions from here on.
Plus if you’re going to part with or loan large sums of money to ANYONE, it’s always best to get it in writing as it’ll save the ugly she said he said in Court.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (6 August 2017):
From the sounds of him, you are not going to get any of the money you feel you are owed. And he certainly doesn't seem like marriage material. Most likely you will have to resolve this according to law.
There are two very important documents here...the title to the house and the mortgage. I hope that his name is not on either of them. If he isn't on them, consider kicking him out and at least you receive the value of his sweat equity. If both your names are on these documents you should see an attorney. Be sure to keep and secure any evidence of his agreement to make the payments he's missed. This could easily become a "He said, She said" situation and get stuck in court. If you do visit an attorney, the one thing you'll want to explore in your first meeting is the possible price tag in settling the situation. A protracted and expensive court case could easily cost you the house.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2017): Okay, if he has done the renovations he can argue that he has put sweat-equity into the house. Pending his financial-contribution.
There was no written contract or signed agreement made regarding his payback. Being a home-owner, I know the cost of renovations, repairs, and remodeling can top $25K in no time. That's the cost of kitchen cabinets! Get an estimate for the completed work from a contractor. Maybe he's assuming doing the work buys him time to contribute. That kind of labor takes time and skill; and in today's market, the costs can be phenomenal.
Where's your signed-promissory note? Not the one signed to the bank for the property; but the one he signed for his half of the fees and down-payment you made?
Plus, you didn't even mention that he specifically stated when he was supposed to deposit money into the account. He made a broad statement/verbal-agreement regarding his intent; but he didn't put his money, nor a signed-agreement, where his mouth is. The time he should have presented his money is at the same time you were ready to deposit the down-payment. You decided to wait, and that is your agreement by default.
Well, he's your fiance and the final outcome is you're to be married; and the property becomes a joint-asset. He signed the mortgage agreement and he's equally obligated. So I'm not sure why you get your money back; if you both will be invested and living in the same house as a married-couple?
You get half of everything he owns.
It's not too late. You can still get him to sign a promissory note or per-nuptial for the money owed you. Have it drawn-up by an attorney. Should he back-out at any time or decide to cancel your engagement; depending on the laws in your state, you might have a legal-leg to stand on.
I never recommend to couples to purchase homes and make large investments or debt, prior to marriage. You don't have marital-rights as an engaged-couple; and laws are vague about how to untangle yourself from co-signed debts. Your credit is now linked to his; and you have to fulfill your mortgage agreement regardless of how things turnout. I've always advised against cosigning for loans, or credit, if you're not already married. Joint bank accounts are risky!
I don't understand how you're feeling doubt and discomfort about this? Unless you're also having some uncertainty about your relationship and/or getting married? Then you should have waited.
If you sold the house now, he can still get half the estimated amount of equity. Which won't be much, if you've only just purchased it. He's the co-owner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2017): Sell the house.Figure out what you each put in then divide the profit or debt accordingly.I suggest you getting your own lawyer to navigate this so you do not get ripped off more than you already have been.Then take this as a life lesson...never ever buy property with someone unless you are married.He has also showed you how it would be if you do marry him.His pay would be all his and your pay would be yours and his.Is that what you really want?Get out now while the getting is good.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (6 August 2017):
 $25K is not exactly "petty", is it? If you had the money "spare", then it would perhaps not be such a big deal but, as this was your personal money, your "life savings", and you now have nothing left, you really do need to sit down and have a conversation with him.
Obviously you need to make allowance for his contribution in the form of labour and what this has saved you. Do you have a friendly builder who could give you an idea what the work done would have cost if you had got someone in to do it? You could then work out what would be a fair contribution to the works from your fiance.
The deposit should - as you both agreed - be split in half. Is he perhaps struggling financially, or is he just burying his head in the sand and not coughing up the money you expected? This is a house you are SHARING. He cannot expect you to finance him, regardless of whether you earn more or not, especially as it was agreed at the beginning that the deposit was split 50/50.
For some reason, people find it difficult to discuss money, even feeling guilty about asking for THEIR money. However, unless you want to carry on financing your fiance, you need to sit him down and ask him when he intends paying back the money you loaned him (because that is effectively what you did). Perhaps you could agree a monthly repayment plan, where he can set up a standing order to your personal account for a set amount until the half share of the deposit and his share of the other costs are paid off? This will make it easier for him than having to find the money in one go.
If you have a talk and he still doesn't come up with the money, you need to question how he views your relationship. If you were to split up, for instance, would he expect half of any profit from the house, regardless of having contributed much less than you?
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