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Helping spouse pay their child support

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 December 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 19 December 2017)
A female United States age 41-50, *EDDIEBERR writes:

I currently work 2 full time jobs, in order to pay off debt. I pay all the bills. My husband works a construction job and pays his car note, child support, and takes care of personal expenses. Now he has fallen behind on child support payments and asked me to help him pay it. I told him he need another part time job due to his job depends heavily on the weather. In his free time he plays his game and sleep. I am wrong for telling him no

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia +, writes (19 December 2017):

Caring Aunty A agony auntSimply put, his child support is not your responsibility nor should his personal debts be.

The fact that he had not come up with an obvious solution himself by getting part-time work to solve his problem triggers alarm bells in me, as he'd rather lay back and sting you for his child support!? This reveals something about his character that does not sit right with me.

Just as well you did not roll over and say yes... Otherwise you would have been an enabler; for him to remain in bed and play games etc. while you go out and sweat (work) some more.

I'll give him credit for the courage it took (as a man) to ask you for help, if that's the first time he's ever asked? Plus if he's a husband that acknowledges and appreciates you for the hard working person you are.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (19 December 2017):

Ciar agony auntYou are absolutely CORRECT for telling him 'no'.

Don't second guess yourself. Stand your ground.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (19 December 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt No, I think you were right and fully justified in saying no.

Not so much because the money he asked you would go to pay support for HIS kids who are HIS own responsibility. Yes, that's true, but , then again, looking at the big picture in general, one could say that your husband needs financial help now, and whether he needs it for his kids, or to pay his dental bill, or to get new glasses, etc. etc.... it's not really relevant, the point is that he needs help.

My objection would be , that he could and SHOULD help himself, by getting a second job as you suggest. If he's got time to play and nap, while you are working your ass off working two jobs , pauing all the bills but his strictly personal expenses, and, on top of that, probably , taking care of the house...

it's simply logical that the one who needs to hustle and bring in more money it's him, not you. This , even regardless of what the money is needed for. ( But more so, since we can consider child support as his personal obligation contracted prior to his marriage with you ).

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (19 December 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI think since you carry ALL the bills it's MORE than fair that you do NOT pay his child support as well.

I would suggest instead that he sits down and makes a budget and then talk to Child Support Services (might even have to look for a lawyer - pro bono if he can find one) to have the amount lowered if that is even possible.

I think (regardless of you two being married) that HIS responsibility to HIS children/ex-wife is HIS alone.

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