Whenever I need to communicate to him about a problem--he shuts down! Help!
Q. My bf and i have a problem with communication. When things are good, all is fab. However if a problem arises - namely if I am upset by something - he shuts down. Tonight i came up with a (hopeful) solution to something that's been an issue for a ...
A. 25 February 2010: Anyone? :)... (read in full...)
I told her the level of sex needed to increase, but it hasnt, should I dump her?
Q. I told my girlfriend that I didn't want to have a relationship with her if there wouldn't be regular (somewhat frequent--at least once a week or so). She promised things would change, and they did for about a week, and now things are back to boring ...
A. 22 February 2010: Putting her under pressure really isn't the way! If you could have the frame of mind, for now at least, that quality is better than quantity and rest easy for a few weeks but show her that you care for her (because by the way, saying that you only ... (read in full...)
Why can I only get turned on by my girlfriend? Porn does nothing for me and I'm starting to worry!
Q. Ok this may not seem urgent or even useful but at the moment I am in a very strange predicament, not serious or bad in anyway I do not think but never the less it is quite how should I put, well bugger it it is pure strangeness for me. My girlfriend ...
A. 6 January 2010: If only more guys were like you i think a lot of girls would be happier!... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to take this opportunity?
Q. To all the aunts and maybe some uncles, I would appreciate any input. I have an absolutely wonderful boyfriend whom I have been together with for almost 4 years. We have been through everything, and stand by each other through everything. I lo...
A. 4 January 2010: I think this could be a bit risky, it's one thing saying you're ok with it, but what if once it's done you/he feel differently, cos it can't be undone?
I'm bi and never been with a girl sexually, i was attracted to a girl who seemed very into me ... (read in full...)
How can I stop being so controlling?
Q. I've realised I've turned into being controlling as a girlfriend. I'm very sensitive about issues such as porn and fantasies and have imposed rules on my boyfriend around this in the past. He cheated on me once a few months ago and quit drinking. ...
A. 3 January 2010: I know it will push him away! I saw him this evening and he said that all yesterday and earlier today he had planned to break up with me but now he wasn't so sure. He said that a friend and his gf and his friend's brother and fiance had been out ... (read in full...)
How can I stop being so controlling?
Q. I've realised I've turned into being controlling as a girlfriend. I'm very sensitive about issues such as porn and fantasies and have imposed rules on my boyfriend around this in the past. He cheated on me once a few months ago and quit drinking. ...
A. 3 January 2010: Thanks for your reply. I'll try to reply to your questions (cos i did babble on!)
'He had relations with another girl? You're still with him because?'
A decision I never thought I'd make... Because he told me straight after, because I realis... (read in full...)
If porn is no big deal, it shouldn't be hard for him to choose, right?
Q. Is there something wrong with me? At the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend of years) i told him i hate porn. If he watched it, he's gone. End of story. Reasons being, the girls are someones duaghters, yet they allow themselves to have ...
A. 3 January 2010: I wrote the message about trying to have less of an issue with it btw..
I enforced the no porn no fantasies about other girls...it led to him resenting me. I do wish he had stopped because not hurting me was more important. But because he stop... (read in full...)
Should I cheat or not?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have already lost interest in having sex with my wife whom I think to be frigid and I had been masturbating about my sister-in-law whom I think to be horny as I saw her on many occasions masturbating with her pillow. I have plans to...
A. 16 December 2009: I was recently cheated on and I went from wanting lots of kinky sex to not wanting sex at all.
Brings the spice back into the relationship does it? Get you kicked out the door more like, and bring jealousy into your wife's relationship with her... (read in full...)
Although we've made up now my boyfriend is having a party and the girl he cheated with might be there!
Q. My boyfriend cheated on me 2 months ago - slept with someone else at a party. Completely unexpected and completely against my morals. More detail in previous q's of mine! But to the point of this one... Rightly, or probably wrongly, i gave ...
A. 16 December 2009: Hey, thank you all for your replies. We didn't go for too long and it wasn't terrible, but wasn't nice either. Soon as I saw her I got really shaky. Tried to be smiley and chatty with his friends, saw her with coupla friends and they seemed to be ... (read in full...)
She's so perfect for me... I just don't find her physically attractive...
Q. i was in a relationship with a girl that ended about 3 years ago, it was my longest relationship and most serious, we dated for about 2 1/2yrs. I didnt think i was happy with her, i thought i could find someone better, someone with which i was more ...
A. 14 December 2009: It sounds like you two get on great, why not make the most of it and carry on as friends, rather than risking losing it all? I'm sure she'd be really hurt to find out you're not attracted to her...i know i wouldnt want to be with someone who wasnt ... (read in full...)
Although we've made up now my boyfriend is having a party and the girl he cheated with might be there!
Q. My boyfriend cheated on me 2 months ago - slept with someone else at a party. Completely unexpected and completely against my morals. More detail in previous q's of mine! But to the point of this one... Rightly, or probably wrongly, i gave ...
A. 8 December 2009: Thanks for your replies, very insightful!
Indeed i will limit my alcohol intake so that its my rational brain and not my emotions talking!
He's actually very uncomfortable about it and is dreading seeing her. Because its a friend of his who's in... (read in full...)
I don't know whether to be with him or move on after this happening... help!
Q. A couple of months ago my boyfriend slept with someone else out of the blue... complete surprise and never thought he would ever do anything like that. Have been trying to move on - with him - trying couples counselling. Feel some issues are ...
A. 8 December 2009: Thanks for your replies. Guess i was a bit brief...um been together 3 years, yes he used a condom, he was very sure of that which made me realise he cant have been as drunk as he claimed (v no kids mentality) He says hed take me back were i to do it... (read in full...)
Do women in relationships still masturbate or have sexual thoughts about other men?
Q. My wife and I were talking the other day and the topic of masturbation came up. When I asked her the question I am positive she fed me with a bullshit answer. So basically I want to take a poll here. The question for any married woman or women ...
A. 11 November 2009: I'm in a long term relationship and yes i masturbate but i don't think of other people other than my man. I'm only tempted to when something isnt going so great in our relationship - i choose not to because it feels like cheating on him to do it. I ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend betray me by masturbating? I want to end it!
Q. Dear Cupid , I just caught my boyfriend masterbating I feel like if he has betrayed me. I ask him if he doesnt like our sex but he answers that he does. So why does he do it. It makes me feel like i dont mean nothing to him. do you think that its...
A. 11 November 2009: Perhaps throwing a spanner in the works here....I'm fine with my boyfriend masturbating when I'm not there - if I was I'd feel rejected though if I'm honest.
...I'm not fine if he's thinking of someone else when he's masturbating tho! He's pic... (read in full...)
I have low self esteem, slept with another guy and know I should tell my b/f but I'm afraid!
Q. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. I love him so much; he is gorgeous, intelligent good job etc. I could not ask for someone better. From what he has told me he feels the same way about me. However we have big relationship pro...
A. 21 October 2009: Everyone is different but I know I would want to be told. My boyfriend recently cheated on me and told me about it. It hurt, but a lot less than it would if I'd found out about it another way. Also, the thought that we could have continued as we ... (read in full...)
Moral beliefs on fantasies?
Q. I was wondering what people think about this one. I feel that if you're in a relationship with someone, you shouldn't fantasise/masturbate over someone else. To me, at that moment in time you're choosing to be with (think of) someone other th...
A. 21 October 2009: You're right in that he does feel his privacy is invaded and feels resentful towards me feeling hurt by it as he doesnt understand why I feel hurt because he doesn't think it's a big deal. There was something I didn't think was a big deal which h... (read in full...)
Moral beliefs on fantasies?
Q. I was wondering what people think about this one. I feel that if you're in a relationship with someone, you shouldn't fantasise/masturbate over someone else. To me, at that moment in time you're choosing to be with (think of) someone other th...
A. 19 October 2009: No, I wouldn't split up with someone who dreamt about sleeping with someone else. As you point out, you can't control your dreams. You CAN control you fantasies though. Although if I dreamt about someone else, I'd try and figure out what it was that ... (read in full...)
Moral beliefs on fantasies?
Q. I was wondering what people think about this one. I feel that if you're in a relationship with someone, you shouldn't fantasise/masturbate over someone else. To me, at that moment in time you're choosing to be with (think of) someone other th...
A. 19 October 2009: Thank you for your replies - particularly those who took the time to consider my points even if they don't agree.
Satindesire - I'm not saying that I don't ever feel attracted to other people - it's rare because I don't look at other people t... (read in full...)
Moral beliefs on fantasies?
Q. I was wondering what people think about this one. I feel that if you're in a relationship with someone, you shouldn't fantasise/masturbate over someone else. To me, at that moment in time you're choosing to be with (think of) someone other th...
A. 19 October 2009: I do think that other people are good looking. However I choose not to think of them.
Plus surely a fantasy about a work colleague could lead to an ongoing crush and then flirtation and then more?
My thoughts are - if you are given the chance... (read in full...)
Does watching porn movies constitute cheating?
Q. When I was in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend, I used to watch porn movies twice or thrice in a week..in fact i still watch it. Whenever she would ask me that do you watch porn movies? I would answer saying that last time I watched porn movie ...
A. 19 October 2009: Some people view watching porn as cheating emotionally; getting yourself off to the sight/thought of others rather than your partner. Other people see it as purely imaginary and don't see it as hurtful. I guess what really matters is what you ... (read in full...)
How do I get over the tattoo he has dedicated to his ex?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about four years now. Our relationship is not bad. I just can't seem to get over the fact that he has a tatoo dedicated to his ex on his stomach. Its her name and her eyes. It drives me crazy. I wish I could do ...
A. 19 October 2009: I can see it could be hurtful but she is in the past. But seeing that isn't letting her be in the past for you. Who wants to think of their partner's ex everytime they have sex?! I would wonder why he would still have the tattoo unless he ever ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend slept with someone else out of the blue; why would he do this?
Q. My boyfriend of over 2 and a half years has slept with someone else. He came to mine on Saturday, we had great sex, then went to the fair then for a lovely meal. He then went to a friend in London's housewarming party, coming back the next da...
A. 19 October 2009: Well-update-if anyone's still bothered as you probably think i'm a bit of a fool! Initially i spoke to him a lot and tried to make things work. We have started couples counselling. Some things are coming out that he was less happy about with the ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for a woman to ask a man out?
Q. I have another question, is it wrong for woman to ask man out on a date? Does it start a cycle of a woman taking the male role in the relationship?...
A. 8 October 2009: I don't think so, after the first date you can leave it in his hands to call you if he enjoyed your company! Good luck!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend slept with someone else out of the blue; why would he do this?
Q. My boyfriend of over 2 and a half years has slept with someone else. He came to mine on Saturday, we had great sex, then went to the fair then for a lovely meal. He then went to a friend in London's housewarming party, coming back the next da...
A. 8 October 2009: Thank you everyone for your considered replies, i really appreciate it!
I'm in a dilemma over it really - it's odd because it's the things that I can take in more that hurt the most. Like i found out he kissed her goodbye in the morning because ... (read in full...)
It distrubs me very much that he masturbates over pictures of other women, am I wrong to feel this way?
Q. I was wondering what people think of fantasising and masturbating over other people when you're in a relationship? I have no problems with my significant other masturbating when he's not with me (i live in a different city) IF he's not thinkin...
A. 21 May 2009: Thank you both for your answer...any more welcome too :)
To the anonymous male reader...i've dressed up loads of times in various ways but then he admitted he found it found it kinda cringy! Bit of a blow to the self esteem..!
As for pretending t... (read in full...)
Why does it bother me to know that my boyfriend has had sex in public places...?
Q. Why does it bother me to know that my boyfriend has had sex in public places and done kinky stuff before, more than knowing he's had sex?...
A. 10 November 2008: This is just a guess but perhaps you haven't, and so feel a bit worried that not having experience in this you might not match up to his previous partner(s)?
I can understand that you might feel a bit insecure but try and look on it that you have... (read in full...)
I write out my feelings when I feel sad. Why can't the guy I'm dating could read my texts and realise that I'm hurting and I need his attention?
Q. when i am frustrated I have a tendency to scribe, i mean sending out sms and letters and notes... to the people especially the ones i am dating. What i have realised is that the more i scribe is the more i push them away, or its the more they do not ...
A. 24 May 2007: I do exactly the same, and it often is received as a 'rant', but all I'm doing is saying how upset I am because of something and trying to say what it is and why so they know.. yet even when you do that and a guy knows what it is, they dont change ... (read in full...)
He's progressed to seeing me at best once a week, never at his suggestion! Am I being taken for granted?
Q. I was happy single having fun, and strong in myself. I was hoping for the next year in uni when a guy I liked would be back off placement and maybe things would come together. Then he started seeing someone, and I don't know, what with Christmas ...
A. 24 May 2007: Thank you for your answer.
I get what you mean, I mean the travelling...the thing is when we have good times, they are so good and I am so happy. So I know when I'm with him away it would be a fantastic time, better than going myself... But you are ... (read in full...)
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