A
female
age
36-40,
*orngirl
writes: I was happy single having fun, and strong in myself. I was hoping for the next year in uni when a guy I liked would be back off placement and maybe things would come together. Then he started seeing someone, and I don't know, what with Christmas coming and those stupid lovey dovey songs by the Feeling I started to feel a little bit lonely.A guy I had thought was cute but always been shy around started chatting to me one drunken night and we got on well. He asked me out on a date and although normally I never bother to date guys because I can't be bothered with the hassle unless I'm really into them, I went. We went out a few times that week and he seemed really into me. I played it cool which I think added to it.Skip forward to a time where we had an argument and ended. Straight away he had two dates lined up with girls he'd met. So he was really into me, riiight...But I missed him and got over myself to say so. We got back together and I was really happy. I was really into him but then he had no time for me. I started to feel really upset and pulled away.Since then he has progressed to seeing me at best once a week, never at his suggestion. If we have plans and his friends suggest going to the pub for the 5th time that week, he goes, or makes it known he feels he's missing out. And worse of all, he doesnt text back for ages- 24hrs +. Yet I don't think he;s cheating on me, but I have told him all this upsets me and still nothing changes. Sometimes I have lost it and ranted so now I'm going to just draw back when he is like this. The main wonder is that I no longer want this. I want the few fun times we have but I don't want this. I should be revising for my uni exam tomorrow but this is on my mind. I feel so taken for granted etc but we had plans of travelling. I want to see the world so much and there is no one else who fancies the idea of the exploratory holiday as opposed to standard tourist beach resort. Ive waited for so long when Ive been unhappy for this travelling, but now my money is running out so I wont be able to afford it for another couple of months, and Im owndering if its worth it when Im missing out on the fun of single life and more importantly am upset by this. What do I do????
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christmas, drunk, got back together, money, shy, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2007): You know what they say, you can't row a boat by yourself and this chap isn't really rowing at all. This is why you're frustrated and the boat seems to be sinking. I say, get out of the boat and go ashore. Go out with your friends, talk to new guys, meet people, and if someone strikes your fancy, date someone new. If this guy is interested in you, he'll come around but all this pursuing and texting isn't working, so it's time to back off and focus on yourself, your friends and your own needs for awhile. Who knows, you might meet someone you like even more. I wish you the best.
A
female
reader, torngirl +, writes (24 May 2007):
torngirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer.
I get what you mean, I mean the travelling...the thing is when we have good times, they are so good and I am so happy. So I know when I'm with him away it would be a fantastic time, better than going myself... But you are certainly right that it is the time being that is important otherwise I'm just living for the future..
I made a jokey/sarcastic comment after he didnt text back again, and all his reply was to correct how long it had been since he had texted, rather than saying that he does care or whatever, and that sort of confirmed it. Im just plucking up the courage to end it now, cos I know once I do I will be examing things I did and wondering if I expected too much etc...but then compared to every other friend's bf...I mean i see a friend's bf who lives in norwich more than i see him! and at the end of the day it is how happy or not i am, not anything else...
So thank you for your reply, and helping me to see that it really is a problem that he hasnt changed when he knows something is upsetting to me...
Any other responses would also be appreciated mucly :)
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A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (24 May 2007):
 In answer to the question before your last...no, it isn't worth it. Staying with someone who isn't treating you well so that you can travel, or get gifts, or go out on Friday nights, or whatever, is never a good idea.
In answer to your final question, I would forget completely about the travelling issue and examine the relationship itself. From your description, it seems you two have done more than your share of playing back and forth--playing it cool brings him in, his dating other women piques your interest--and where is the fun in that? It makes a relationship difficult to ever reach an even keel.
That you have told him his behaviour bothers you and he hasn't changed is a problem. That you are finding it hard to focus on your studies, is a problem. These things are enough to make me wonder why you are staying in this relationship.
As to this question of travelling: I get that travelling as a pair is financially cheaper. I get that you want to travel--I have the bug myself--but thinking that he is the only person who wants to travel in the same way you do is silly. Go online, find a travel site, and post an ad to meet like-minded travellers. Go on student groups. Get a group together yourself. But don't date just so you can travel. You'll find that you don't enjoy the trip as much as you thought you would.
Best of luck.
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